We're creatures of Instincts — and we're shaped and guided every day by the interaction between the world we live in and all of the instincts that are embedded at multiple levels in our minds and in the thought processes that steer our lives.

We have instincts to be territorial, tribal, and loyal to our groups who we identify as being us — and we feel high levels of attachment, support, and protective concern about those people and those sets of realities in our world.

Every single actual living species has deeply embedded instincts that run, channel, direct, steer, and guide their lives. Other species don't invent behavior from scratch for the interactions they have with the world they live in. The survival of every species depends on them interacting with the world in the instinctive context that gives them support for the functional realities of their lives and gives it to them in effective and relevant ways that fit the situational needs of each species.

Bees have massive and extensive patterns of instincts that are relevant to each set and subset of bees and have them survive and even thrive in each setting they're in.

Bees do some fairly elaborate dances that teach and tell other bees in their hive where they should fly to find the exact food opportunities that are available in that setting. Those instinct choreographed dances steer the other bees to the sites that will give that set of bees the supplies and the nourishment they need to survive in that setting.

Each and every species has those sorts of instinctive tools embedded in them.

Wolf packs have very strong sets of instinctive behaviors that help them find food and then interact with each other in effective and relevant ways in the hunting process to create survival levels and to achieve and acquire supplies of food that are needed for each group of wolves to exist.

Wolf packs also have strong instincts to mate, to create baby wolves, and to set up cultures within each pack to determine which wolves in each pack are alpha wolves, beta wolve, and even levels of theta wolves as the young wolves survive and grow into the adult population that helps their species survive over time in each setting.

We humans can recognize and relate to some of the instinctive behavior patterns that are soft wired into the wolves.

We also mate, have our own kinds of cubs, our own territorial turf battles and definitions, and we have alpha and beta instincts that can create their own kinds of interactions and aspirations with us in each setting.

The patterns are consistent and easy to see in most settings where we live as a species today.

Being Us and Them is a powerful and impactful instinctive behavior that we need to see, appreciate, and understand for all of our settings because it has such a huge impact on our lives when it is activated.

We instinctively divide the world into Us and Them — and we tend to have very different feelings about people we see and identify in each of those categories in every setting.

We tend to feel protective of our Us and we're supportive of our We group in each setting — and we tend to have negative, hostile, and often angry feelings toward whomever we believe in a setting is an actual Them.

The patterns that trigger Us-Them behaviors are consistent and powerful in their impact on our lives in every setting where we live now as a species.

Wolf packs identify other wolves as their own kind of Them and they're sometimes willing to fight to the death to damage Them or to remove Them from a setting or turf. That behavior obviously feels very right to the wolves involved.

We tend to want to damage Them in our settings and we tend to suspend conscience and ethical beliefs relative to Them because we feel it's so right to support our Us that the ethics and the morality standards we usually apply to Us are often completely irrelevant and absent relative to Them.

That's a very common pattern of behavior across the planet in almost all of our settings.

GAZA IS A TRIBAL WAR

There are more than 125 ethnic conflicts going on in the world today, and all of those conflicts trigger that set of behaviors and beliefs and have people shedding blood and doing damage to each other with a sense that those behaviors are the right things to do.

It’s easy to see as soon as you learn to see it.

It’s also impossible to deny once you see that it's happening in any setting.

Nigeria, Somalia, Ethiopia, and Syria all have groups of people today who speak a different tribal language from each other who are damaging and killing people who speak the other language, and who are feeling very justified in their highly intentional negative behavior in every setting because we believe that behavior to be the right thing to do when those instincts are activated in us or in our group.

Our news media is overwhelmingly wrong about those issues. The news media is actually breathtakingly incompetent, incorrect, inept, inadequate, incomplete, intellectually underpowered, wrong, and very inaccurate in their ability and in their understanding, knowing, perceiving, and actually seeing that all of those conflicts in all of those settings are tribal at their core and then explaining that tribal reality to their readers and to their viewers and then explaining to them why and how that tribal reality is true and why it's hugely relevant in all of those settings.

That’s a massive and continuing failure in understanding by the media.

The media tends to write about those huge numbers of very clear conflicts that happen in all of those settings as if they were each somehow situational and even somewhat ideological or political, and the media in each setting ignores the painfully simple, obvious, and easily discernable and easily confirmable reality that the people killing other people in those settings are killing people with a different language, a different culture, and a different identity as a group from the killers — and there’s nothing relevantly political or ideological in those settings because the people identified in each of those settings as Kurds or Tibetans or Alawites can’t actually convert politically to becoming English or Irish, and they can’t become some other tribe by somehow relabeling themselves in the field in each setting with that other tribal name.

Gaza has more than 40,000 dead people today and the people who are dead there all have a different tribal identity than the people who are dropping the bombs on them in that place and setting.

Both sides in Gaza have their tribal instincts fully activated, and both sides in Gaza feel no guilt or hesitation in doing very real and even evil damage to the other tribe in that setting because of their tribal status and their tribal situation.

Gaza is absolutely, totally, and completely a tribal war that activates the same sets of emotions, the ethics, and the sets of beliefs and behaviors on both sides in Gaza that tribal wars across the planet create in all of their settings.

There are people on both sides in Gaza are doing what people in other tribal conflicts often to do each other, and they have people who are strongly committed to treat the other group in tribal ways today and who are doing exactly that now and who are making Gaza a long-term situational reality that will continue as long as those people have that opportunity to damage those people and continue to have those instincts in gear.

They've actually dropped thousands of bombs in that community now, and the people who support the bombings and who drop the bombs do so because tribal thinking makes that an acceptable and appropriate behavior for one tribe to do to another in any setting when those instincts are fully activated.

They aren't alone in those behaviors.

Gaza isn’t an isolated situation.

It isn’t even an outlier.

There are similar and very parallel and highly damaging conflicts happening now in Somalia and Ethiopia and Syria with many people recently and currently dying from high levels of conflicts in each of those sites, and the people who are killing other people in each of those settings are doing it out of loyalty to their tribe, and because they all believe they're doing the right things at an ethical and moral level because our Us-Them Instinct thought process is extremely powerful and it makes whatever we do for our tribe legitimate and the right thing to do when conflicts happen.

Ukraine has some tribal conflict going on as well.

People tend to miss the deep tribal issues and the clear tribal points of that very current war.

Ukraine has people who speak the Ukrainian language who are now killing people whose tribal languages and ancestral tribal linkages have always been Russian, and the people on both sides in that war from both tribal language anchors and heritages are feeling no guilt because they perceive the people they're killing to be Them and because those animosities have been activated in that setting along those lines for a very long time.

Ukraine is a tribal war.

We damage people when we activate the instincts that are relevant to tribes hating and fighting tribes — and that set of behavior happens when people have those beliefs and perceptions in gear — and creating the context for the groups to interact.

Each of those settings have tribal instincts in full gear in very visible ways today and anyone who knows about tribes killing tribes based on those instincts in various settings can see what is happening there to each set of people with accuracy and clarity because those tribal alignments are so clear for all of those people today that they believe they're doing the right thing for their tribe when evil happens to the people there.

The news media misses the point in all of those wars.

They don't see patterns.

The media report on situations that exist, and they completely miss patterns of behaviors that exist in all of those settings and that make the behavior so consistent whenever it happens for all of those people.

It's very instinctive behavior.

People kill other people and discriminate against others who activate and trigger that set of powerful instincts that we activate in every setting where they feel like they're the right belief by the people in that setting about the other people in that setting.

Chechnya and the Alawites of Syria, and the Kurds of Turkey all have people with those tribal differences who are doing damage to each other today and who are feeling completely legitimate and justified in whatever damage they do to the other people, because their instincts tell them the other group is a Them and not an Us.

Those instincts are extremely clear when they're activated, and those same patterns of behavior happen whenever people have them as major factors in their lives.

We know what that behavior and inter group instinct behavior activation looks like in our own country.

We have a rich history in our country of activating our inter group instincts and triggering those behaviors at multiple levels and then doing damage to other people here from the other groups with those instincts in gear.

Our instincts have led us very easily down those paths in a number of relevant and highly visible ways for most of our history.

Slavery was a prime example of part of our activation history in our own country for that set of instincts.

We enslaved people as a group for a couple of centuries.

We've also done massive ethnic cleansing for much of our country and we've exhibited sometimes functionally genocidal behaviors against the original inhabitants of this geographical space with those sets of dehumanizing instincts guiding our thoughts and behaviors relative to those sets of people over long periods of our history.

Us-Them behavior relative to the original native American indigenous people of our continent couldn't have been more obvious, and it was too often both destructive and damaging behavior done to the people in all of those settings who weren’t Us to the people who've been in power here for a couple centuries of our history.

We invented White as a group and tribe.

White was a tribal Us at an important and highly functional level for much of our history and that group and tribe activated all of those instincts at a relevant level that damaged people who weren’t from that group and still creates a context for many of our behaviors today.

People here who weren't perceived instinctively to be part of the White European American tribe that controlled the government were damaged at many levels as we evolved as a country into the context and into the inter group conflicts and interactions that we're in now.

The good news is — we're actually now on better paths for a wide range of those behaviors than we've been on for most of our history, and we should be able to achieve a more enlightened and very positive, peaceful, and successful future going forward from here if we understand and appreciate exactly how those sets of instincts work and if we then channel them now to create a collective Us for our country that's based on our core beliefs and on our most enlightened values instead of being defined only by our race or our tribe.

We've had a recent period of relatively enlightened behavior in our country, and we should definitely build on that enlightenment going forward from here as a nation to create a future that gives us all a chance for collective positive outcomes and for shared success as a people.

We need to create a country that believes in inclusion for all our people and that aspires and commits to win-win behaviors for everyone who is here now.

We should recognize how badly we've done in some areas up to now.

THE WHITE TRIBE TOOK CONTROL FOR CENTURIES HERE

In this country, we've always discriminated in various ways against anyone who doesn't look like the original invading European tribe that took control of the land and who then did partial consistent and targeted ethnic cleansing against the native tribes who lived here before the invasion.

That group that started the national governance trajectory we are on now looked ethnically White with very light skin colors for the group and it had a shared language that created a collective sense of us for that population that shared languages tend to create.

White Europeans were the primary functional Us group who created this nation as a political entity.

The original Native American and indigenous people who lived here by the tens of millions as the first settlers and as the original occupants on these continents actually all had a long history of being warriors against the other original tribes who lived here, and those original tribes didn’t form any effective coalitions or alliances of any kind against the invaders from Europe because of those historic animosities between those tribes here that caused them to be enemies to each other rather than allies against a common foe when that invasion from Europe happened.

Their functional local resistance to the invasion by the European tribes was also hampered and weakened hugely by having millions of people in the indigenous tribes actually dying from the diseases brought here by the Europeans.

Villages that had tens of thousands of people living in them in the years before the Europeans arrived were wiped out almost entirely by those new diseases and that lowered population in many areas made settling many areas of the country relatively easy for the invaders.

White Europeans took over the continent and they created the new set of identities and rules for local behavior across the country. They had a mixed impact on the process — and we ended up with some very good trajectories for many of the things we wanted to do as Americans from that white tribal identity and tribal reality as well as some negative consequences for many people of color that continue today.

We were blessed as a nation by having some of the most enlightened people on the planet who were living in this country as white invaders who were taking control of the development process for the country at a key point in time and then creating our declarations of independence and building our constitution and basic functional interaction values to build an accountable and relatively enlightened governing process for us as a people that we rely on today and has some very good component parts that we're lucky to have to steer us as a nation and even as a people.

That governance process and that governing group was very white at the beginning of that trajectory.

The people in control of that process were very European and very tribal relative to the other people who lived here, but we were fortunate that they were politically enlightened in some important ways at the same time and that enlightenment in those time frames for those sets of people gave us a framework that was probably more progressive and more positive in many political aspects than anything else that had happened historically anywhere else on the planet up to that time.

The white group made a collective decision to use English as the functional and governing language for the northern continent of this hemisphere and that single language decision for this continent eliminated many of the conflicts and identity issues that would have happened here if they had retained the original tribal languages of Europe for all of those new people and become a multilingual country.

Canada got almost to that single language point, but they decided to keep two languages for that country instead of pulling back to just one — and those two groups of Canadians still tend to be in the kinds if constant conflict that we can see on every continent on the planet where we maintain multiple languages in an area and then have the full sets of tribal instincts that are clearly and powerfully activated in every setting with different languages for each tribe.

Gaza and Ukraine wouldn't have people killing each other today if each of those settings was inhabited by single-language speaking people and if each setting had only economic and functional issues to deal with at this point in their history, rather than being separate tribes and interacting in tribal ways.

Each group with a language in any multilingual setting on the planet has people in the group whose emotional energy gets focused on somehow preserving their language as a key priority for the group and too often people aren't dealing with the higher levels of issues that can create process and progress in various settings for overall populations of people when we all speak the same language and share a common goal.

We avoided those language issues in our history by making English the common language everywhere, but we then created a wide range of other instinct-triggered issues that clearly damaged people based on perceived differences in group identity that we linked to the skin color of our people.

We created a national macro Us for members of the white tribe and then we triggered a number of those Us-Them instincts in that tribe to do a number of very negative things to other people in each of our settings who weren't members of that tribe.

Slavery was part of the package of extremely negative behaviors that we built as a country.

Slavery is an ultimate and extremely definitive Us-Them behavior. We had slavery as a key part of our history for over 200 years and we had to fight a very bloody war to get it out of existence.

The former slaves in our country have been damaged in multiple ways by discriminatory laws and behaviors, and we've made great progress at multiple levels, but we have a long way to go to achieve an optimal setting for everyone and for every group that lives here with any group identity triggers and differentiators that cause those instincts to happen.

We've achieved some very enlightened thinking as a country, and we have a functional governance infrastructure that gives us rule of law, a sense of legal equality for all of our people, and a sense of justice and fairness as an underpinning for our group behaviors.

Those enlightened elements function in the context of instinctive differences at multiple levels in our interactions with one another.

We need to understand our instinctive behaviors and know how to use them to build a strong and better country instead of allowing us to fall into inter group battles that can activate negative instincts and send us down wrong paths together at this point in our history.

We should act in our most enlightened collective best interest today.

We should decide to build enlightened next steps for us as country from this beginning and from our current status today.

We need to create a working sense of Us as a nation that is based on our beliefs — and we know from doing that well in many settings that it's actually possible to do and that it's a very good thing to do for ourselves and for each other when we do it.

Us-Them instincts are extremely powerful and can be used to help us, as well as damage us — so we need to use intellectual wisdom now to create and build a new Us for the country that's based on our ideals and on our values, not just on our race.

Those instincts are flexible and powerful at the same time, and they can be channeled to build an Us for this country that's based on our beliefs and not on our ethnicity or gender — and that can happen if we understand how those instincts work and then channel them down enlightened trajectories as a nation.

LET'S BUILD US ON ENLIGHTENED BELIEFS INSTEAD OF RACE TO CREATE OUR US NOW

We have a set of inclusive and enlightened values that we can and should build on to create the very best America of the future. We need to overcome some very powerful challenges from some political forces in our country today that have tribal thinking at their core that will make those enlightened beliefs not easy to use at this point in our history if we want to create the very best trajectory going forward from here and then actually rise past our most negative forces in play today.

We can get there from here, but it won’t be easy, inevitable, or automatic because those negative instincts can have such power over our thoughts, aspirations, and emotional interactions when they're activated.

We're in danger of tribalizing politically in our country at this point in time and we need to help people understand how important it will be for us at this moment in time to teach the entire country that we need to rise above and optimize our most positive instincts at the core level to achieve real inter group Peace rather than us go down the slippery slope to hurting each other by group and then having that group anger, division, and animosity that we create from that conflict last for a very long time and badly affect as who we are as a people and a nation for long periods of time.

Let’s rise above that extremely seductive but highly damaging trajectory and let's be enlightened together as an American people.

Let’s figure this out together.

And let’s become wise as an American group in the most positive ways.

We need to understand where we are now.

As a country, we've discriminated against people by race, ethnicity, and tribe, and we've also discriminated massively and very consistently by sex and gender.

We can’t plan our future trajectory for instinctive behavior and do it well for all of us unless we include and then benefit from the instincts that relate to sex and basic reproduction as well as our tribal group alignment instinct triggers.

Sex is obviously extremely relevant and important to us at a functional level because it obviously determines whether we'll have a future for purely biological reasons.

Our cultures have dealt in very explicit and sometimes complicated ways with sex since our first days of existence.

Gender matters.

Basic biological realities and functionalities have caused cultures everywhere to treat people differently by gender in both positive and negative ways and we need to understand where we are now on those issues, behaviors, and beliefs that link to that aspect of our biology and figure out directions that work well for both of our biological realities.

We have a long history of discriminating against women at multiple levels.

We didn't even give women the right to vote in this country until the most recent century, and we've discriminated at multiple levels in ways that we see happen clearly in cultures across the planet.

Babies are important.

We need babies in order to survive as a species. We need to have offspring, and we need them to survive and hopefully thrive in each setting where we exist now.

In the early days of our species, when we were hunter-gatherers in our various villages, we had assigned roles by gender. We were hunters and we were gatherers and the assignments given in each setting included both sexes as a package of behaviors and created some patterns of behavior that were gender specific in visible and relevant ways.

In many settings, we needed the men to protect the group and we expected men from the group to hunt the game that created core survival calories in many settings, and we needed women to have babies and nurture them and protect them in ways that enabled them to survive and to thrive when possible.

We raise our children very slowly as a species and we need to feed and protect them for the better part of a decade at, a minimum level, to make sure they don’t all die after being born.

That reality and that functional context created some expectations and rules for our cultures about sex.

Our cultures serve our instincts in every setting. Our cultures are the sets of rules and expectations we set up in every community to achieve the goals and expectations that our instincts create. Our cultures give us the tools we need to make our instincts successful in each setting.

Our cultures have been important to us in every setting, and we tend to want to be aligned with what our cultures expect us to do.

We're hard wired to be loyal to our group and we're hard wired to follow the cultures created by each group setting to guide our behavior.

CULTURE SERVES OUR INSTINCTS AT MULTIPLE LEVELS

We're so linked and tied to our cultures and we accept their steerage for our lives so well that we will set up cultural rules for standing in line at airports, and people in the line will sometimes feel real anger at a visceral level if someone violates those rules in that setting for the line they're actually in there.

Each group creates its own culture and we tend to build our cultures in very explicit ways with the intent of achieving the goals and the expectations that our instincts create.

Loyalty is an instinctive behavior.

We tend to feel great loyalty to our groups and we extend that loyalty to the cultures that our groups create.

We all tend to believe that our cultures are somehow right at a core level.

There are many rules about men and women in every culture — and we can see why some of them exist if we look at both our biology and our relative instinctive behaviors that relate to sexual issues.

Our cultures have roles for men and women about the basic functioning of every setting. Some of the cultural expectations for women that seem to exist everywhere clearly relate to keeping our children healthy and alive, and some of the cultural expectations for men are clearly intended to protect and enable and support those processes and the families they create.

After women gave birth, the people in every setting needed an ongoing supply of food to keep the children alive. If we look at those settings where those kinds of family gatherings exist today, or existed in the recent past, the usual model in many settings was to have men skilled at hunting, fishing, and at the various kinds of protein collection processes that were needed by each group to keep the family fed.

Men often were expected by their cultures to hunt for food, and the male behaviors reinforced that process.

Mothers protected the children. Mothers also tended to maintain the hut and to cook or prepare the food for the family and group. They did a lot of gathering of nuts and berries, and the cultures of many groups often had those basic food gathering processes creating a major supply of calories as well to keep the family alive.

Many packages of instincts triggered both men and women by those realities. We had courting instincts, and both genders seemed to have parts of the courtship process that they liked doing and made a priority at some levels for their lives.

For the sake of this discussion, we're going to discuss and understand the instincts that tie to each gender and each sex in traditional ways and assume that basic biology tends to be the key factor for the instincts and for the cultures set up in each setting.

Sex, itself, is an important factor in the instinctive behavior packages.

SEX IS AN INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Sex can be a blessing and a positive experience and a beneficial activity for people when it happens in ways that work in functional, supportive, and appropriate ways for the people involved — and it's also a hugely powerful and directionally instinctive behavior for many other species in the time frames and the settings when it's the right thing to do to activate and trigger basic sexual activities for each species.

Wolves have instincts about sexual behavior, and wolves and other species that have sexual activity all seem and tend to make it a very real and important priority for their thoughts, actions, and behaviors at the point in the process where it's needed for that species to succeed and survive as a species.

Those patterns of sexual behavior are entirely specific and explicit to each species and they're not identical at any level as a generic set of behaviors between species.

Stallions and mares have obvious and clear patterns that relate to sexual activity with immediate relevancy to horses and female salmon are driven and soft wired by their instincts to get to the right place to lay their eggs and the male salmon will actually sometimes swim 1000 miles to fertilize those exact eggs, and there’s no relation or link or even contact between any male salmon or any female salmon on that trajectory as they each made their separate functional commitment to that process.

Those very clear and focused behaviors are, however, the highest priority behaviors for both male and female fish for that time, and those millions of fish don’t have any other focus than that process when that particular set of sexual activities and behaviors is needed for that species to survive.

It works for male and female salmon to have parallel pathways to fertilization, and it works for stallions and mares to have interaction, focused and highly aware linkages, and even some competition of sorts for who gets to impregnate whom in each herd, and both of those species survive because that’s how they deal with sex as a species and because fertilization actually functionally and physically happens for the females in each species in that process with each of those trajectories in ways that cause that entire process to be a success for the lives of both species.

That has some relevance to us.

We can see, appreciate, and understand how a wide range of species do explicit and specific sexual things at the right moments in time to keep their species intact and to have their species perpetuating itself in highly programmed and very species explicit sexual behaviors that tend to repeat for every generation and for each fertilization process that happens for each species.

We fall into our own pattern of behavior for our own sexual activities in very clear and highly motivated and heavily choreographed activities that are obvious when we perceive them and when we understand what they are for our lives and for the prorogation and survival of our offspring.

For our species, sex can actually be a beneficial, motivating, and often positive activity and process when we create and achieve the right alignments between sexual behaviors in our settings, our communities, and in our own lives and then when we channel and support their role in our own lives to help us live our lives in appropriately supportive ways that we understand and channel effectively in very intentional ways that enable us to reproduce as well.

Our cultures set up multiple expectations and rule sets about sexual behaviors, and the cultures for each group tend to create those expectations with the goal of both meeting our instinctive behavior goals and achieving the success and biological survival strategies of each group we belong to today.

We have some traditional behaviors from our history as a species that still shape some of what we do today.

We have a number of behaviors and expectations that were created in our cultures by that hunter-gatherer reality for our ancestors to steer male and female behaviors and activities for the group into functional realities for each setting.

We're in a very different functional and economic reality for our people today than we were in earlier days, but we have a long history as a species of being organized in the context of hunter-gatherer settings, and many of our culture expectations that still guide us today were based on that set of functional realities and have been carried into current times by the momentum created by our cultural histories of following those patterns of behaviors in our lives — and because we all instinctively tend to believe that what our cultures tell us to do in each setting is the right thing to do.

Some of our cultural patterns today have obvious links to the functional realities that we faced in our hunter-gatherer years as a species.

One set of goals, functional behaviors, interactions, cultural guidelines, and expectations that we see in many settings existed and were intended to keep the males in each group in long-term and highly supportive contact with their family setting and with their biological tribe.

In many of those social and functional tribal groupings and settings, the cultures very much wanted the males in the setting to continue to hunt game and to protect the hearth against wild cats and hungry bears after the woman is impregnated and has given birth, so most cultures built a reward system of some kind to encourage the males to stay in the family setting and to support the males to have them not abandon the immediate family that's most relevant to his genetic trajectory.

One reward that cultures used to make that loyalty and consistency happen for males in many settings is sex itself.

Sex can be an extremely pleasant and positive thing, and it's often a priority interest and intellectual focus for many of our people at least part of the time, and many early cultures had rules and expectations that allowed both men and women to have sex only in the context of their marriage.

Some cultures even did serious damage to men who had sex outside of that context, and both men and women in those settings knew that if they wanted to have sex, the only functionally and culturally allowable way for that to happen was to be with one’s wife or husband for sex and sexually connected behaviors.

Sex can be a very good thing for people and marriages can be a very good and foundational thing for the stability of the group and to support people’s lives, and many cultures linked the two in obvious and effective ways for the long-term success of the community and the likelihood of ongoing marital success.

Marriages were invented by cultures both to enable sex and to cause higher levels of survival and success in making sure that families are the tools used to raise our children and the context for long-term interactions in each of our settings.

That should be a learning and a goal we continue to pursue today.

We should figure out the best pathways, approaches, strategies, and interactions for marriages to succeed and survive and to make lives better for people who are in them.

Sex obviously happens in most cultures in the marital construct and process, and we should figure out how to do that effectively, pleasantly, pleasingly, and well for each marriage.

We should know what we are doing with that entire process and agenda.

It makes sense to learn how to have marriage enhance the sexual experience of our people in all of our marital settings in intentional and structured ways, and it’s a very good idea to set up ways that make marriages more successful for their participants in those settings by making the physical and sexual parts of their lives that are included in the marriage more positive.

We need to do practical things to make that happen.

We also need to do emotional and supportive things to make that happen and enhance the process.

We tend to start with people marrying people that they like and love — and that’s a very legitimate place to start our planning because courtship and romance at various levels are usually part of the pathway for each marriage to happen, and we should take advantage of that tendency and pattern in our marriage support activities and plans.

We should want the best features of our courtship behaviors to extend into our marriages.

When possible, we should help married couples feel good about each other as a foundation for the process.

We can do very intentional things to make those feelings consistently part of the process, because we know what those patterns are now and we can build on them going forward.

We should do process engineering in competent ways to enhance the likelihood of marital success.

We want and should encourage people who marry to see their spouse as their ally, friend, compatriot, romantic avenue, love channel, opportunity, and as their emotional support venue on an ongoing basis in the context of the marriage — and we should do it in a way that creates a personal and consistent safety net for each marriage — based overwhelmingly on the good will that can exist for the people who are married.

If people make the explicit, clear, and direct commitment to each other as each marriage begins to work together to make the marriage succeed, then the process starts with extreme good will and with the right things to do to have that good will felt and returned to each other by the marriage, and certain behaviors can support and reinforce the likelihood of good interactions for each couple.

We also do want families to do well, and when married couples are friends, lovers, allies, and compatriots, then that friendship and that underpinning can support those success level realities and it can make lives better for everyone involved.

For the classic marriages that have both biological genders included as the married couple, we need both parties to recognize that men and women have different wiring and different instincts at multiple levels, and we should enjoy, appreciate, celebrate, and work with those sets of instincts in effective ways to make marriages successful in multiple ways when both genders are the context for the commitment and give us a context for those interactions.

We've traditionally started with two genders as a core level for traditional marriages, and we now have a much broader sense of possible alignments that can all be both successful and good and have their own trajectories and pathways to marital success.

We now have marriages that are between two men or two women, as well as a woman and a man — and they can all give us great trajectories for success if we make the commitment together to have every marriage succeed and then do the right things with each couple to give them success in that process and in their lives.

We need our very intentional and well-designed marriage strategies to support and help every couple with every alignment possibility, and with every couple approach that's on our possible agenda.

There's a wide range of gender definitions that are possible, and our guideline and our only limit for marriage should be that we limit marriage to two people and that we encourage and support every combination of two that works for those two people.

Two married men can be a good thing.

Two married women can be a good thing.

A man married to a woman can be a good thing.

A woman married to a man can be a good thing.

Every combination of two people committed to each other can be a good marriage, and every combination should be supported to help it succeed as a marriage.

We need each marriage to be two people who love and who care for each other and who support each other and who each commit and vow to help their marriage be a win-win situation for each person, with no expiration date on the commitment and no limitation on the configurations that we can create.

We have a set of alignment triggers as the Institute for InterGroup Understanding that work to bring groups of people together in well-functioning ways, and we need all of those alignment triggers to be used by each marriage to enhance their levels of success as well.

We should be good students of who we are and of the various sets of instincts that we trigger inherently with our very clear and obvious biological realities that exist for each of us, and we should accept, appreciate, understand, and support each of those biological and instinctive packages with grace, understanding, competent responses, and very intentional approaches that are accurate and effective ways of dealing with these issues.

Biological gender clearly creates some patterns of behavior that we can see in our social media realities at multiple levels today, and in the purely physical functions that steer us into clear patterns that we should appreciate and understand to optimize our lives and our interactions with each other.

This particular thought piece has looked at appreciating and understanding instinctive behaviors for each sex, and it looks at the internet and social media content available to us today that has some obvious content alignment by gender and sex, and recognizes that there are learnings from that data set that are incorporated into this set of counsel and advice that includes our full set of genders and with the cultural realities that we have for families and marriages today in our modern world of internet and social media interaction at many levels.

We know that both genders have sexual interests and activities — and we can understand and we know that the patterns of some activities seem to be a bit different in many settings based on both gender, biological sex, and functional realities for the communities and cultures we live in today, and those patterns that we can discern and perceive all tell us things that we need to understand and use in our lives today to give us a peaceful world and success as people together and aligned with our best values.

Some obvious patterns exist by sex that have social media and societal impact that we should look at, appreciate, understand, and work with in putting together our societies and settings going forward.

Men have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

Women also have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

There are some obvious macro patterns for men that we should understand going forward with our lives.

Men have a biological history of having significant and sometimes intense sexual interest at puberty, and every culture has its way of dealing with those factors and with that reality that exists in our species for younger men.

We can see from obvious patterns of behavior that many young men have intense focus and high energy levels directed at sexual issues and that drives their thinking, behaviors, and interactions with other people and with the community and context they live and we know that their cultures and our communities need to address the behaviors that channel those energies and drives in ways that help the group survive over time and that can create good lives for members of the group in the world we live in today.

The normal pattern that we have has young men in most settings to have a strong interest in various levels of sexual activity and contact — and many young men tend to be highly motivated to have that activity and those experiences as part of their lives.

For some young men and settings, that particular motivation creates behaviors and energy levels that cultures need to channel in ways that help each group succeed and survive and to prevent disruptive behavior for the social settings when judgement issues can be challenged and even impaired by the sexual priorities and activities of the men.

Men under the influence of sexual activation can do sometimes stupid, unfortunate, wrong, and even damaging things with those thoughts and energies in gear — and our communities, groups, and cultures all tend to have developed various ways of channeling that energy to less damaging types and levels of activity for those men to get them to adulthood with the best chance of success beyond that point with effective patterns of adult behavior.

A candid and open discussion of those interests and instincts requires honest discussion and sufficient disclosure relative to those thought processes and behaviors by both genders is every setting. We can’t steer clearly to guidance and understanding about future levels of sexual activity for our communities and settings if we don’t factor that interest and that level of energy into the discussions in accurate and honest ways and then understand how we should deal with those instincts and energies now in the context of the cultures we create and live in today.

Most cultures that we can see in those hunter-gatherer settings addressed those issues very directly, and we know that a number of cultures decided to even limit sexual activity only to the family setting for those men.

Sex in any other setting was against the law for both men and women in many cultures, and young men who wanted to have sex in those basic communities dealt with the rule set for many cultures was that men needed to be married and needed to have a wife in order to have that sexual contact and the rule set was that sexual activity was only supposed to happen for those men in the context of that relationship and with their spouse.

Each of our cultures has tried to set the expectations for sexual behavior in their settings and some of the rules and laws we see as expectations for sexual behavior today are the result of those realities.

Several sets of instinctive behaviors are actually activated, triggered, and guided by that set of sexual interests and motivations in each community and setting and we have those realities steering us today.

We actually have some powerful and influential alpha instincts that have been relevant to that process and to sexual behavior in many settings.

ALPHA INSTINCTS HAVE MAJOR IMPACT IN MULTIPLE WAYS FOR GENDER AND POWER

One of the strongest instincts we generally have as people is to actually achieve and maintain alpha status in a setting. People aspire to be alpha and many find the psychological neurochemical rewards of being alpha to be very rewarding emotionally and to be clearly motivational for their thinking and for their behavior in many settings.

There are a number of neurochemical rewards that get triggered in the wolf packs and in the lion prides and in the herds of horses by achieving alpha status for the group, and we have an obvious set of parallel behaviors that happen for our alpha members of our groups and that can cause those neurochemicals to happen in some of our settings.

We can see alpha status in many areas and settings at various levels for the communities and group alignments and realities that we're in.

Men tend to be heads of families in most of our traditional community settings.

That’s often a very alpha job.

Almost every culture that we've seen across the planet has set up men to be the alpha head of each family, and to have other members of each family expected to follow and support their family head.

Men have traditionally been family leaders with that status — and even the official US census listed men as “head of family” in our country on that reporting system until about three decades ago.

Men have been rewarded and enticed with that status in many cultures and settings to stay with their marriages and families to achieve both sex and power in their own lives because sex functionally and legally only happens in marriages and being the head of a family group triggers that sense of being alpha for at least part of the setting and it makes sexual activity more likely to happen for that person.

Marriage, as a legal structure and process, also gave men logistical and intellectual confidence and assurances that they were more likely to be the actual biological parent of the children in their family.

The issue of parentage is also a key factor in our cultural rule set for many settings and it gets a high level of energy and interest and relevance for each family where children exist and where parents are part of the process.

Women always know which child they gave birth to, but we people can’t always tell, determine, or know who was the actual father of any particular child.

Men stay with families in part by believing that the children in that setting came from their lineage, and the very restrictive rules and requirements about women’s behavior that still exist in many cultures today helped create and reinforce that belief and those behavior restrictions for women can make men feel more comfortable about making the commitment to support the relationships they're in.

That biological and functional reality about uncertain parentage for children relative to the father of each child has caused many cultures to set up very strict rules about each woman's contact with other men to make sure that each man is protecting and feeding his own children.

Some cultures have set up extremely negative and highly controlling functions for women for that area, and those cultures sometimes do cruel and damaging things to women to enforce those rules.

Some cultures expel women from the culture or setting if they believe that the woman might have violated some of those strict behavior and interaction rules.

Women are killed today in some settings if their family believes that some kind of violation of the sanctity of the isolation has occurred for the woman.

Even today, we have many thousands of “honor killings” happening in several countries and cultures where the brothers or other family members actually stone and kill girls who spent any time in any setting or situation with another man that they believed possibly meant that her “honor” might have been impaired.

The possibility of a mistake in that area of absolute functional security on the honor issue for women is enough to get many girls killed today. That's a horrible situation, and we should do what we can to not support or encourage that behavior in the many places where it still happens.

We need to not allow women to be damaged by those sets of expectations and rules in those other settings when we have any influence on those realities in those areas.

We need to not do sexual abuse in our own settings as well.

We need to have our own gender-related negative behavior channeled in good directions. We need to have actual sexual abuse in our country reduced to low levels and we need our work settings to be functionally intolerant of damaging behavior that hurt women in wide range of ways.

We actually have made significant progress in our country on many gender-related abuse issues in those areas in the last couple of years as the result of the Me Too movement that made women in many of our settings less accepting of some negative and inappropriate behaviors that we ignored for many years, and we have created a significantly better level of expectations relative to a wide range of negative sexual behavior in many of our settings as the result of that awareness.

'Me Too' insights and expectations are becoming the new standard in many settings, and that expectation and standard is almost entirely fed by people with those perceptions and beliefs who express their opinions and their responses in various internet venues and approaches that now seem to be the new normal for thinking on a number of gender and sex-related issues.

We're on the cusp of a possible golden age for some levels of gender-related enlightenment.

We have the opportunity right now for intellectual growth in those areas.

People are ready to learn on sexual issues.

To make that happen, we need to be very honest, insightful, and wise relative to our own expectations about sexual behavior and activities today and we should try to add our insights on those issues into the tool kits that we're building for marriages.

The internet can help with that process.

There’s a lot of sex-related information on the web, and the new artificial intelligence tool kit is going to make that information more effective and useful than it's been in the past.

The internet and the new artificial intelligence tool kits have made pornography and extensive sexual imagery of various kinds easily available to anyone and we need to understand some of the risks and opportunities we face now on sexual behaviors and issues with that flow of sexual imagery constantly and easily in play.

There are serious risks for some behaviors that weren't areas of risk for us in the past.

This is a real problem for some real people with the new sets of systems designed to create sexual alignment — and even forms of addiction for some people for some products and behaviors.

We're increasingly vulnerable to the new artificial intelligence sex tools and toys and to link men with and to very well-constructed and emotionally persuasive electronic girlfriends and even to actual physical sex-toy beautiful robots that are full size and are created to be amazingly competent and even slightly frightening as potential sex replacement tools for some people as their primary sex encounter with the world.

Those products are being produced and sold.

There are a number of robot vendors who are producing full-size sex robots as the possible sex encounter with the world for a number of men, and those companies are selling those beautiful and intentionally responsive robots to men and steering those men to believe that they're the right thing to buy to respond to the sexual urges built into the male portion of our gender alignments and opportunities as their sexual agenda of choice for their lives.

That entire set of tools and toys is, today, an increasing threat at an alternative way for some men of having their sexual needs met going forward — and that choice by some men is going to be a reality that we'll need to respond to and address for the world we're going into today on sexual issues and functional opportunities.

We've entered into an entirely new world on several of our sexual realities.

That's an extremely different world than the world we have lived in up to now, and we're just at the cusp of that world in a number of important and highly relevant aspects of our sexual lives for a number of the men who live in our world today.

Sex robots might be nearing the status now of pretend actual spouses for some men in Japan who have a very low likelihood of attracting actual biological women in some of their settings, and who can custom build extremely beautiful fake women who look very real and are sexually active in mechanically effective ways and are the spouse equivalent for a number of Japanese men.

We don’t want that to be the pathways for any number of people now and here in our own country.

We don’t want men to choose sex toys as their highly used and standard sex instinct destination here.

We need to steer to real men and to real women for our foundational relationships here, and we should do that in well-designed and well-implemented sets of sexual interactions that can meet the needs of both men and women for that part of their lives.

We need to do everything we can to optimize actual relationships with human men and women in our country today.

Instagram and its various clone and equivalent purchasing mechanisms now sell artificial sex toys and artificial intelligence sexual companions that are extremely effectively designed to meet some of the sexual instincts and perceived needs of both men and women in our society today.

Men and women are facing different sets of issues and products in the sex market today.

We need to understand what happens as patterns for much of that behavior for each gender.

Men tend to be, on average, much more visual in the activation of the core sets of sex related instincts.

Men will continue to be instinctively triggered to explicit and direct visual sexual stimulation because that’s wired into male brains and male perceptions, and there’s no reason not to deal with that in the most appropriate, useful, and respectful ways without saying that it’s wrong or inappropriate to have those visual triggers as part of who we are and part of our life experience.

WE NEED TO BE AIMING COMPLETELY CONSENSUALLY FOR CONNUBIAL BLISS AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES THAT BLOSSOM AND THRIVE

Both sexes are wired to be highly visual in their sexual interests, and that’s not a bad thing because it's so very real and can and should be addressed in ways that create visual pleasure and also very carefully violate no privacy issues for the relevant people and settings of our lives if we learn how to share sexual visual context with each other in supportive and loving ways and each have an openness to discover what our wiring tells us are the right visual content for our happiness and our lives.

The internet is a reality, and we should use that tool kit in the most civilized, equitable, and respectful ways because we should now be creating our future patterns and trajectories for interacting with each other in very intentionally appropriate ways and we should have the internet support that process for each of us.

It should all be extremely consensual.

We should have consensual and voluntary visual relevance to be part of the next wave of expectations we need to address and deal with in our web-related information sharing for this next generation of sexual instinct activation.

We have some useful guidance from a theologian that we could use for steerage at this point in our history.

The Swedish Lutheran mystic and theologian Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about the blessings of God in our lives in his thought pieces, essays, sermons, and books, and he believed having sexual relations was one of the very best blessings and one of the best gifts we get from a loving God because it can be so wonderful when it's done well and a very good thing when sexual interactions are mutually enjoyed by a loving couple as a foundation for a marriage.

Swedenborg strongly believed in marriage in a very Lutheran and Christian way, and he believed that we each should be married and that we should learn to each find what he labelled as mutual connubial bliss in that relationship.

He believed that we should enjoy the entire array of those marital activities that exist and he basically thanked God for the opportunity to have sex and to have marriage related bliss be part of our lives.

That makes some sense from a practical perspective because marriage has a major functional role in our lives because we're all creatures of our cultures, and marriage is actually the preferred route to family organization and processes for most cultures on the planet today.

There's an opportunity there with marriages to have them be a highly useful and beneficial way for us to organize major parts of our lives.

Far too many people don’t understand, think about, or consider the opportunity that is and can be presented by marriage in their lives. We all tend to get married because that’s what our cultures direct us to do, but we too often overlook the opportunity to make that marriage an effective and useful anchor function and a working context and process for organizing and even optimizing our lives.

We might want to make that use of marriage a goal, a strategy, and a context for improving our own lives.

We could and should make that decision — and we should decide in that context to have each married couple working with themselves in intentional and skillful ways to optimize key aspects of that relationship in well considered, extremely intentional, highly skillful, and deeply loving ways.

Married couples should each have their own internal strategy and their own awareness on those issues and each couple should be very honest with themselves and with each other about what aspects of their marriage can support that process and what they can each do to reinforce each other to make their marriage a success.

Sex is a foundational component and activity within marriage and it can be an anchor behavior for creating connubial bliss because bliss is a good thing to achieve and basically do.

As we look at sexual activity and at our related instinctive behaviors, it’s clear that we should be completely and absolutely consensual in our interactions as an anchor for the whole process.

As a basic belief and commitment, we should avoid any nonconsensual sexual behaviors and we should avoid coercive sexual activities with the other people in the sexual components of our world.

No one should be forced into any sexual behavior.

We should all be entitled to relevant privacy as well.

Privacy issues are extremely important and relevant to us in the internet age when everyone is connected to everyone else and the connections are extensive and constant.

We need to respect and protect privacy for all parties as part of our process and internet agenda.

We need ethical and respectful use of visual information.

We shouldn't have anyone on the internet sending or sharing visual information that was stolen or that was taken from any private sources without the approval of the person being portrayed in the piece and the information.

We should each be respectful of that information and we shouldn't encourage or support invasive, coercive, or nonconsensual sharing of that kind of information in any setting by ourselves or the people in our community who we will be linked to at many levels in the world we are in today.

As we look at visual images on the internet, there’s no reason for us not to decide to selectively and effectively only use visual images that we believe are consensual in their availability and their display, and we should know our own world so that we can potentially use the right sets of visual information in some appropriate ways to support and potentially enhance the sexual interactions we have with our mate and spouse when that's the right thing for a couple to do.

In the context of Connubial Bliss, each couple can and should set their own standards for the visual availability of images of the world and of each other and should work out the rule sets and standards that work for each relationship for viewing information and sharing activity and we should understand and appreciate the joy and beauty of visual images that fall into those clear instinctive awarenesses and guidance.

We need to support marriages electronically. That approach is obviously not flowing against the current of internet use for a wide range of activities because we should be able to use internet information and images to help each marriage create its own visual world and to have each marriage anchored in its own approach and visual direction.

That’s not a new direction.

The highest volume of use for the internet today actually is sexual images.

Pornography is booming.

There are many levels of pornography that use sexual visual information as a core component for their processes and information and those sites that do pornography of various kinds make up a major component of volume on the web.

WE NOW HAVE GROWING NUMBERS OF DIRECT SEXUAL CONTACTS AND INTERACTIONS THAT HAPPEN ONLY ON THE INTERNET

The extensive and varied high-volume pornography use of the internet was anticipated and expected, but what wasn’t expected and what's been a surprise to many people in very recent times has been much more direct and personal and highly sexual interactions that are also now connected on the internet and are a new aspect of our sexual reality for almost 100 million men in America.

We now have a large number of internet-based sexual interactions happening between men and women that didn’t exist in our world until the newest set of direct and personal sexual interactions have been added to the web content process and those interactions have now become part of the business model of the internet and they involve many millions of people on an ongoing basis.

The internet now is creating new direct contacts between people on sexual issues in ways that are clearly different than our prior interactions, personal contacts, and linkages that have been our traditional sex related interactions between people in our country for our history as a country and a computer industry.

Many people are on the route of consensual, direct, and personal visual sharing of sexual information with each other in our country today through internet connections, and that new sexual connection is likely to be part of the new normal for visual realities and context going forward as the next set of interactions for those instinctive behaviors today for millions of our people.

It's now possible for people to create a direct and personal interaction link with other people in this country in a series of sex-related viewings that allow people to share sexual images and to show and see behaviors in purely electronic ways that are highly visual and inherently, extremely personal because they link actual people with other people in very direct and personal ways and do it for money that's paid by people in order to have the contact happen.

Men and women can now use the internet to share sexual images very directly in a personal way with each other, and that sharing process has become a large and growing business because millions of men are willing to pay women today in order to have that sharing happen.

They're creating direct and personal internet contact with women with those instincts obviously activated and millions of men are now paying women for some levels of sexual visibility and for some levels of dialogue and communication on sexual issues that happen only through electronic connections and electronic interactions.

Ninety million American men are currently purchasing those direct sexual interactions with the women who decide sell those services, and it appears that about 80 million of those men who pay for that visual information today in our country are married.

A significantly smaller number of women are selling those services to the men. About 5 million women are signed up now with the OnlyFans process to offer and interact with the full set of contacts and relationships that cause them to show their naked bodies on camera to men and to sell those visual images to the men, and about 2 million of those women have significant and growing numbers of customers for their sites.

Most of the women who provide those views of their bodies make less than $10,000 a year on the service, and about 16,000 of those women will make more than $50,000 each making those sales to their male customers this year.

A few women make a significant amount of money with those views.

Three hundred of the women on OnlyFans currently make more than $1 million each on that service.

A million dollars can clearly be a significant and game-changing cash flow for the people who receive it, and some of those 300 women probably have significantly different lives than they would have without that opportunity to make and get that money.

When we look at our various packages of instinctive behavior, one of our instincts we have for the entire population is to build resources and to accumulate various levels of wealth — so the woman side of that financial model as it exists today fits easily into that instinctive behavior packages we have for wealth acquisition and for basic resource building for those women.

It's more than just cash. It’s immediate cash.

The business model is set up to get the money fairly quickly to the women, and we know that many women in our country have both lower income levels various levels of financial need — and many women have various family financial expenses that can make that $10,000 in immediate cash paid directly to them extremely relevant to their lives.

The model involves cash flow and it creates a direct sexual relationships for the people involved because it's paid on a very personal basis and it's paid directly from one person to another in exchange for that direct sexual encounter.

The approach triggers some sexual instinct activation reactions for the men that seem to happen by seeing the naked bosoms of the women and paying for the privilege and view. What makes the payment approach different from other interactions in this area is that just having a view of the bosom isn’t enough to trigger the expense for the men.

There's a rich supply of naked bosoms in the pornography world, and men don’t spend much money for any of those views.

Pornography has a rich supply of naked bosom photos and videos that are easily available to any viewer, and that isn’t what 90 million men are paying for with those memberships and views.

What makes this a sexual event instead of a sexual observation is that the OnlyFans business model is based on the fact that the men who buy the views are able to have a direct and functionally personal contact and relationship with the women they have on their screens in exchange for the money.

There's an interaction between the men and the women that makes those views a sexual event as well as a financial encounter.

Men pay to see the bosoms of women they're interacting with at a personal level. Each woman sets up her own visual content and view, and each woman then interacts at some level with the men who pay for the view.

The quality of that interaction with the woman creates the volume levels of the purchases — and some of the women in that process do those interactions with the men so well that some women actually can get men to pay millions of dollars to have the interactions with them happen in that space and setting.

The business model is set up to create a form of personal relationship at a direct level between the people making that transaction, and it appears that the women who do a better job of convincing their customers to buy additional views and additional services clearly make more money than the ones without those interactions.

The official website for the business says that, “they interact closely with their fans to build relationships and subscriber volume,” and the women have various levels of success and various streams of revenue based on the perceived quality of those interactions with their customer base who pay directly with their own money.

The business model has women who build up their own portfolio of views and the women get paid monthly for men who choose to add that portfolio and those future interactions to their views. There's some incentive and some motivation for the women with the OnlyFans links to add regularly to their portfolio of views and offerings in order to keep the men who sign up for them paying the dues that they charge and possibly buying more views in the process at future times in the process.

That's a highly direct business relationship for those services, because they're paid to particular women and they're paid for the views and materials that those women make available to their customers.

Some women do that process and make those links extremely well. There are a few women who have tens of millions of dollars paid from their fans who sign up for the service — and those women clearly have figured out how to get men to spend that additional money with what they say and what they do with their site.

The product clearly isn’t just an extension of classic pornography because those views and the available videos in the pornography world currently aren't interactive and they don’t have feedback loops for their processes.

The most immediate sexual relationships we actually have now in our country are our in-person interactions with other people in our settings and world.

Most of those interactions are social and based on our various levels of sexual interactions with one another.

We also have always had some level of sexual encounters that involved payments in prostitution-linked processes, and those sex encounters with prostitutes and with various kinds of sex workers for hire and money have been illegal in most cultures around the world and tend to be illegal in our country now.

Prostitution and payment for sexual encounters has been perpetually illegal in this country, and that's true in most settings today. This process doesn’t change that in any way.

We have a range of sexual interactions with financial connections that includes various levels of prostitution as part of the package available to men.

It doesn’t look like the OnlyFans links lead often to prostitution, because there are rules in the system to keep that from happening directly from those links and there are laws against that particular way of paying for sex from a prostitute that are relevant, because the model we use with this service doesn't include any actual physical contact between the person who's selling the sexual service and the recipient of the service.

The overwhelming amount of actual sexual activity we have in the world now is direct and immediate for each situation and setting. We have sex directly with the people who are the sexual people in our lives, and we do that in a wide range of ways that fit our own lives and sexual interests and practices.

This is slightly different from all of those relationships and experiences.

WOMEN’S SOCIAL MEDIA FOCUSES ON BEAUTY AND NOT SEX

We do have some women’s websites and social media outlets that feature information about the various sexuality and relationship issues that are relevant to us, and those sites for women tend to feature beauty rather than sexual contact as their themes and their content levels.

Beauty rules.

We worship beauty as a culture and we have a vast array of websites that aim at creating beauty for their customers and fans.

The most successful sites have a steady stream of information about best practices for facial and cosmetic beauty, and they have women start with bare faces and then end up with magnificent and lovely women who know how to create beauty and who teach other women how to use those tools to achieve those goals.

Those beauty sites tend not to have any actual sexual encounters in their content or agenda, but they often do say in their pieces and commentaries that one of the primary reasons for women to become beautiful today is to attract and marry the right man.

Some sites say that just being beautiful is such a good and valuable accomplishment that there should be some financial reward and award for women when that highest level of beauty happens.

Both alpha men and alpha women get the attention of many sites.

Many of the alpha women, on those sites, seem to aspire to somehow link with alpha men as part of the overall beauty process and agenda.

What's easy to see from looking at those sites is that the sites don’t tend to rate or rank alpha men by their beauty, but rather by the other traditional alpha male measurements and scales that are part of the expectations that exist for men today.

Even the alpha male websites for heterosexual men seem to follow that pattern, and those men from the context of those sites say that they do very much want beautiful women in their lives, but what they want most from the beautiful women isn’t appreciation for male beauty, but appreciation for alpha men who achieve that status in various ways as men and who have lovely women who admire them as men for what they achieve.

A number of the current web pieces are fairly clear that appreciation is the scorecard used by those men to measure their own success with women.

The men often say they want to be with a beautiful alpha woman who actually likes them as a man, and being liked by those women is the relevant and most important win for them because some say that kind of appreciation by a beautiful woman is the missing link for many of their lives.

That reality from the alpha men is somewhat similar of the fairly obvious business model for OnlyFans, where the men who buy their service and who renew their contracts have been told by the women on their screen that the women like being with them in that link and the women say and indicate to the men that they appreciate having both the link and having it renewed.

Appreciation triggers cash flow for those OnlyFans links.

Today’s internet has rich veins of information flowing for both genders at high volume levels, and that flow of information is something we need to see, hear, and understand as we plan our future going forward to have our genders both having their own needs met and doing things that make their inter gender interactions positive, rewarding, successful, functional, and relevant to their lives and interactions with each other.

Misunderstandings are abound in that internet flow of information on gender related issues.

Men and women are not understanding what the other gender is thinking on a number of key issues, and we know that's true because both sets of people are clearly stating what they believe to be true on the web and there are some obvious misunderstandings happening in multiple directions on those issues.

As an example, some of the women's pundits and bloggers for Instagram and other relevant sites have written with some anger about how unfair they believe it is for women today to be held to a standard of beauty that includes an expectation for perpetual youth for our females — and multiple sites written by women as guides and mentors describe that belief and bemoan that measure and that belief.

The women say in their sites that they shouldn't be expected to be young forever, and the women writing those pieces believe that men actually want that perpetual youth in their women as men make their choices of women in today's world and the women who write those sites are angry about that expectation.

The truth is that most older men don't have that expectation, and it’s clear from multiple evidence points that many men prefer the bodies and the shapes of older women to those of teenage girls and extreme youth.

We know that to be true and verifiable because the pornography world has a rich array of magazines that show older women, and there are popular magazines that feature 50-year-old women (and even older women) for the men who find those ages most attractive and most desirable for their lives.

There’s a term called MILF that most men know and it’s a term of endearment and aspiration — and it's definitely not a sense that the women bloggers and pundits who write about men craving impossibly young girls are actually not describing something that's real and is a current challenge for women because it clearly isn’t true when we look at actual real men and what they say and do on those issues.

Older men celebrate some of the selfie photos that the women they love and who they're with today send them now because the men like what they see in their women and they're delighted to be able to see it.

Many men love the bodies of the women they're with and large numbers of men feel fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who likes and appreciates and actually respects them enough to have that kind of sexual encounter with them and who feel good as a woman to have that sharing with the men who love them in ways that create real pleasure for those men.

Women tend to seriously underestimate how much their men appreciate them and how extremely important it is to the men that their women shows in various ways that they're attracted to the man who is the man in their life and then does things of a sexual nature to help that man feel that attraction, appreciation, and support.

Even the alpha males on the internet scorecard most appreciate being appreciated by the highly attractive women who they manage to include in their lives, rather than adding up the total number of beautiful women in their lives, but actually only feel like winners if at least one beautiful woman somehow directly sees, knows, understands, and appreciates them.

The alpha guys want to be appreciated as their scorecard for rating alpha women, and the other men across the board for all men in most settings clearly want to be appreciated by their women as well, and men at all levels want to interact in loving and sexual ways with their woman and their wife as often as that can be made to happen in many settings and feel that their woman likes them and loves them and respects them for what they do in their lives and in their marriages.

Too many marriages don't have times when the people just take the time to stand back and remember how much they like their spouse, and then do win-win things with each other in very intentional ways with the context of their marriage for that process and opportunity.

We know from the internet that many women tend to look at beauty websites and aspire to be lovely. Men tend to look at beauty in their lives and aspire to be loved.

There’s huge potential for very good and positive outcomes that can spill out of linking those spirations for both genders.

Couples should make time to have win-win interactions with one another.

Doing it with obvious friendship and with clear goodwill for each person in that marriage can creates anchor links and interactions that can make many people happy in their marriages.

About 80 million of the men who are paying for those OnlyFans links today are married. There’s a high chance that many of those men who are paying those dues to see the skin of those women now would be delighted with having bare skin visuals of their own spouse, rather than spending that money for that service and view from strangers.

There might be an easy solution for some of those marriages.

We need to replace OnlyFans dues with gift cards for wives.

When we look at that entire process and market, we should probably figure out how to find ways for many of the married men of somehow changing direction and adding and replacing gift cards for their wives with the OnlyFans cash flow they have now and then having the married people function as friends and as allies using some of that money for both people to buy sexy, exotic, and beautiful clothing for the wife in those settings.

Gift cards for wives are long overdue and very effective as a romantic gesture for many relationships.

That approach would be extremely easy to do right now if we use the same internet we use now for those other links and have it support romance and appreciation for married couples and targeted gifts with all of the opportunities that the web creates.

Instagram and Amazon both have a wide range of lovely apparel items today, and if the married couple is doing win-win thinking as they should be doing if they're structuring their marriages in effective ways, those gift cards to spouses from the husbands could replace some of those OnlyFans expenses in a very positive way and we could end up with a much better outcome for everyone who goes down those paths.

Gift cards could become a standard part of the marriage interaction, and that should happen when it makes sense as a way of getting the best use of family resources and making everyone aligned for those purposes.

The numbers on the current set of OnlyFans activities tell us that there are instinctive behaviors involved for both the men and the women because instincts are the only thing that steer behavior in every setting. Carl Jung told us very insightfully, clearly, and accurately that when a human behavior is the same in every setting across the planet, that means that an instinct is involved.

We should make gift cards an instinctive reaction for more married people in our country.

The concept of gift cards should be used to help with some of the various cash flow issues that are linked to the OnlyFans model.

Making the OnlyFan's cash flow disappear could have an unintended consequence for many of the women who are now receiving that money.

Some women need the money.

If you're a woman buying food for your family, any money that comes from OnlyFans in that quick cash flow can be used for that purpose might be extremely important and highly useful for some women and some families.

The tens of thousands of dollars in cash flow for the lower volume links can be extremely relevant to many women’s lives.

We need to remember why those links exist for that service.

That business model triggers that money for the women because the OnlyFans link actually gives some men a clear and positive sexual interaction that makes them feel like the person they're talking to is interested in having that conversation with them and they feel like the actual conversation is worth them spending that money.

It’s a very personal process.

Men contract functionally at a direct level with each woman at a direct and personal level in the OnlyFans world because it’s a very targeted and personal interchange and interaction, and the men and women have both conversations and visual sexual exposure and displays that are requested, selected and paid for by the men in exchange for that money.

The interactions in that process are very direct and personal at one basic level because they actually are direct and personal in that model.

This isn’t a generic view of bodies with those links, but a very targeted view and the cash flows between people wanting the very targeted view and the women who are willing to sell it.

Men and women seem to have very different perspectives on the visual aspects of some sexual activities and on understanding and working with those particular behaviors and issues, and the OnlyFans business and customer base highlights one set of differences for a number of people. The product has an anchor of many customers, and they clearly are customers for reasons of sexual interest in the product and services.

Most women's websites on the internet and in the social media world for women don't know that OnlyFans exists or that any part of that product exists and is relevant to significant numbers of men in America.

NINETY MILLION MEN PAID FOR DIRECT VIEWS OF REAL WOMEN

There are thousands of social media sites and linkage’s that are run and created by women that have many million viewers and millions of links, and those sites run by women in social media settings basically ignore the men’s interests and never mention the actual sets of instincts that are motivating those 90 million men or any mention or discussion of what men are actually creating as their own aspirations and their own approaches to the gender issues we face in our communities and settings.

We know that women never mention or discuss those topics in their own web sites and social media links because the internet is overwhelmed with those sites and we know what those sites discuss and focus on. It’s a very public set of topics, and the OnlyFans topics and priorities and support levels are completely and totally invisible in the sites run by women for women.

There's almost no hint on any of the social media outlets that have links to millions of women on the part of women that most women know how much those sets of instincts and aspirations affect the thinking and behavior of men.

A couple of women’s sites were recently critical of the OnlyFans product, and one of the pundits for one site was extremely critical of the process and she said it was very sad that American men had sunk so far in the sociological world that men were actually buying girlfriends now instead of going into relationships with real women.

They both misunderstood the point of the contacts, and described the men as being so inept at personal relationships that they needed to rent girlfriends on the web rather that setting up girlfriend links in the real world.

Renting girlfriends isn’t a bad description of what's happening for those men.

And having 80 million of the men who were renting girlfriends actually already having wives in the real world and the fact that they're still paying that money to see those bosoms with someone who they were having a friendly conversation with says that those marriages might not be optimizing the opportunities that exist with the current wives, and the girlfriend description might not be entirely inaccurate.

The men who are married haven't shared in any public way if their current wives know that they're making that purchase, and the vast majority of men who do use some kind of internet pornography now might not be sharing that stream of information with their wives as well. They might think of this link as being just another pornographic connection that doesn’t need to be disclosed.

This is a new business, so we haven’t worked through some of those issues with everyone involved in all of those settings.

What makes this very different is that the pornography is a one-way channel of communications and the OnlyFans links are a personal sexual connection. And the revenue flow is dependent on how well those women make those personal connections happen.

There's an extremely high likelihood that the large number of the current marriages that do not have a man today purchasing a naked view of other women today have much better interactions and understandings within their marriages and those marriages might have much better and much more often and even frequent visual experiences on sexual issues within the marriage that could make OnlyFans irrelevant for all of those people.

The internet currently tells us from multiple postings done over time by men in their web settings that many of the men who receive various kinds of sex-related selfie photos from their spouse or their marital partner today tend to be happy men who are pleased and sometimes delighted with their visual affirmations that they can and do now receive in various ways within their own marriage.

It also makes sense that many men who are buying that service would rather actually see the actual bosom in-person for their own domicile contact and actual cohabitant, rather than pay to see it electronically. through OnlyFans.

Some of the write ups about OnlyFans tell us that a high percentage of the married men who buy those views haven't given their wives any sense that purchase is being made. That’s very believable as a behavior because most of those married men also probably use pornography, and a high percentage of those men also don’t share that pornography with their spouse.

Many marriages have their own approaches and protocols for pornography, and we know that many couples build their own preferred stream of pornographic content into their marriages in ways that work for them as a marriage.

It might be a somewhat sad commentary on how inept we might be in some of our levels of understanding and in some of our current relationships in this country that too many couples don’t have enough honesty, insight and candor to communicate with each other inside those 90 million marriages about those wants, needs, issues, and behaviors so that we could simply explain to our spouse what we aspire to and prefer to do and would like to see in our relationships with each other and then just make that happen in each marriage.

We also might be making it more complicated than it needs to be for many settings.

Men are clearly often very simple creatures.

MEN ARE WIRED TO BE VISUAL

Male turkeys can be tricked into courting a female turkey that only exists as a silhouette if the decoy artist sets up the outline to have a clearly female set of tail feathers for the male turkey to see, recognize, and aspire to. The boy turkeys are clearly visual at an instinctive level for that part of the courting process — and it’s not hard to imagine what silhouette alternatives might trigger somewhat similar responses for more than a few men of our species.

Women are usually a bit less visual and many women with social media linkages say they don’t understand what the men aspire to or why they aspire to that vision and to that direct and explicit view of an actual bosom in that process.

There are some areas where the instincts don’t overlap for both sexes.

It’s hard to imagine that 90 million married women would pay to see any visual thing about each other or about their partners and about their couple key components, because that’s clearly not how most women are wired visually.

You can tell from the women’s websites that most women also don't have a sense that having their own body seen and having their own body appreciated in an direct and appropriate way by their husband or by their partner in their own home might actually have that visual appreciation by the relevant men in their lives be a positive and affirming thing for at least some of those women.

It’s even possible that having that explicit and direct visual information sharing happen could be a positive encounter within the marriage that could be relatively easy to accomplish if it felt like the right thing to do in the context of the relationship between the people involved in each setting agreed to it, and if the parties had an honest and non-judgmental conversation about what was happening and why they were doing what they were doing to create that outcome and visual reality for their marriage.

Women seem to tend to hugely and significantly underestimate in many purely heterosexual relationships how much their own husbands now actually love enjoy, and often actually appreciate visually perceiving and seeing the body of the woman who is their partner for connubial bliss — as the theologian wisely suggests us to think about our marriages — and that many of the wives might feel good about that outcome and that process.

Many men logically love and appreciate their own spouses and it seems only logical that at least some men would rather get some direct visual stimulation from their partner as an enjoyable experience in-person in the marriage, rather than pay someone to give them that basic visual impact and then receive that information and visual impact over the internet from a total stranger.

We should do a much better job in the context of our marriages telling and teaching each other what those visual request and sexual interests are in some respectful and loving way at home and by pointing out to all parties that it's clearly sub-optimal functionally and financially to actually have that external commercial process collecting money for the visual looks at those connubial bosoms that 90 million men are clearly willing to pay for now.

We should agree with Reverand Swedenborg that we should function effectively in the context created by our marriages for many millions of people and we should try to achieve, support, and enjoy connubial bliss in as many settings as possible now.

Marriage can create wonderful, beneficial, and mutually supportive experiences for people and we will be stronger and more economically successful as a community and a nation if our marriages are successful in ways that we know are possible because they happen for some couples and some settings now and it obviously can be done.

That includes every kind of marriage between consenting adults, and we should aspire to have them all succeed in as many settings as possible and we should celebrate and support all versions of marriages that people care to create.

We have some risks ahead of us relative to the instincts that tie us to sexual behavior, and we should aspire to have those instincts be an asset for us as a community and a people.

We humans have very strong sexual instincts, and we should learn to deal with them in the most effective ways given the availability of the internet as a key component of that entire process today.

There are some alarming warning signs happening on sexual issues here at several levels.

A very high percentage of our youngest men aren’t dating, and a growing number of younger men now say they don’t intend to marry and many suffer from at least light depression. The young men have a high level of contact with pornography as part of their sexual interest and involvement level and basically, some seem to have their own kinds of addiction to pornography as part of that entire visual process for their world today.

We would be much better off as a country if we decided to make marriage a top priority as a society and if we learned to do a better job with those marital interactions for marriages failing by recognizing the instincts we have for families and sex, and then learned to get better at both.

Connubial bliss should be our goal.

We might want to set up a new set of expectations about connubial bliss and we should steer both young men and young women down that pathway, because it can be so much better for people’s lives when it happens — and it’s entirely possible to steer in that direction if we know what we're doing and show how good it can be for both parties when it happens with loving commitments from both parties in each setting.

We should steer away from the worst components of that sexual behavior and we absolutely should grow in wisdom and understanding, and then steer away from the worst Us-Them instincts that get triggered all too often by our tribal behavior.

WE MIGHT BE DETOURED AND DAMAGED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

We've reached the point where artificial intelligence and related commercial interests are creating sexual programming that gives customers a very strong and carefully designed set of programs that make the customers feel sexually stimulated and sexually pleased through some processes that feel sexually right to the people who buy and use those programs.

Those programs tie to and link with our powerful sets of sexual instincts, and they're dangerous, because those instincts are so powerful and we feel the neurochemical rewards triggered by them in very addictive ways when they are activated. Those programs will have increasing customer bases, and will round out those levels of interaction going forward from now.

We also have a growing number of extremely realistic and very attractive and well-designed sex robots that perform actual physical sex acts that also link to those physical and instinctive behaviors with actual contacts and interactions and give their owners sexual services and activities that exceed the fantasies that people had before that set of tools existed.

Instagram and similar purchasing tools can now link you to a personal sex robot that is relatively affordable and promises to be continuously improving in both performance and design.

We're living in a strange new world relative to those sets of issues, and we need to get grounded in our overall reaction to our basic instincts because they're going to steer our lives and we should be well informed and wise in what we choose to do now in our communities and our world with our instincts serving us and not leading us to damage in the new internet world that we're going to be living in.

We need to understand what those agendas and problems actually are and how much momentum they create.

FASHION EXCEEDS PORNOGRAPHY AS A FOCUS FOR MANY PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TODAY

The highest volume of internet use for women today is actually fashion and not pornography.

That isn’t understood by many people.

People almost worship fashion,

Beauty is a goal, a focus, an expectation, a standard, a priority and an aspiration for a high percentage of our population today.

Many women on the internet business sites are selling beauty and fashion to other customers on the web. The people with those services and beauty products have a major influence and impact on our lives today and that will probably grow.

Our culture tends to be obsessed with beauty and appearance, and we have a rich array of businesses that help women with their makeup and with their apparel at levels that exceed the levels of volume for the sites that do pornography.

Go to Instagram and TikTok to see what is being sold to and who is selling it.

Our culture has many rules and expectations about the makeup levels of our women, and we have many extremely skilled vendors who are selling optimal beauty agendas and tools to the women of our country and who use the internet to make those sales.

Many websites sell beauty, and some address the issues of beauty being used to bring people together and create various kinds of relationships with gender involvement and alignment. Beauty is a focus and priority for those sites.

Even the sites that offer alternative thoughts on marriage approaches and marital behavior and alignments tend to have beauty for the women in those marriages and relationships as an aspiration, achievement, and clear and constant goal of the process.

We have an extensive and energized web fabric of beauty options that fill the internet.

It’s clear that those options and those sites are not set up by men who want to micromanage the cosmetics and the appearances of the women in their lives, but by women who believe in a culture of physical beauty and who steer their customers down those paths with the goal of achieving the best skin, best eye décor, and best appearances in whatever settings women find themselves in with a rich array of products to make that happen.

The likelihood of American women in our culture today going from their home into the outside world makeup-free with bare skin is very low, because that’s not what our cultures and what most of our community and our lead women seem to tell other women to do with their faces and skin.

Many people who communicate on those processes and issues seem to think that women in our country with no makeup will be rejected by the world around them and will have problems both with men and with other women in their setting if they're ever actually make-up free.

Multiple instinctive behavior issues about cultural acceptance get triggered by those realities and we know from basic observation what issues exist for many women in our country with those issues.

We haven't linked the social agenda with the coupling agenda with the marital alignment and success agenda with the array of products and priorities that exist on the internet today and now.

It would be a good thing if we somehow found the alignment between fashion perfection and marital happiness and spouse acquisition success and achievement in a process that supported women going forward in every setting and created real success in both our presentations of ourselves and our aspirations for optimal appearance and marital bliss with beauty as workable component of that priority and process.

On the bigger scale, we need to help get sex aligned with our social and our societal behaviors going forward.

As a minimum goal, we need to make sure that we do the right things to end the sexual damages and problems that still exist in too many settings, and that can be exacerbated when we have tribes fighting each other and doing damage to each other in those key areas.

WE NEED TO GET PAST TRIBALISM FOR AMERICA

We definitely need to slow down the rate of tribalization in this country, because we face the risk of being badly damaged as people and a nation by that package of instinctive behaviors in the wrong hands.

Gaza has chosen tribal instincts as its primary set of priorities and activities and they're permanently trapped in that belief and place, and they'll be trapped forever until some of those people aren't there anymore.

We’ve easily gone past 50,000 dead people there and we're going past a million living people there who hate each other and who will damage each other indefinitely with those instincts in gear, because having those instincts making evil behavior there that feels legitimate and feels right for everyone living in that setting now. That permanent hatred is where we are now in Gaza and that’s not changing while those sets of people are still there.

We've seen that pattern before.

They didn't invent those behaviors.

Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia and Sudan didn’t stop hating and killing each other until some of the people in those settings were no longer there — and that will need to happen for Gaza because both sets of people hate each other to the core, and that will be true as long as they somehow don’t draw lines to actually keep them apart.

We need everyone in our own country to understand how dangerous our own tribal instincts are and how damaging our own Us-Them behaviors are, and why we need to avoid them in the future to have a peaceful and safe future for our own communities and for our own country today.

Some people say that the most militant members of our population today are currently triggered and anchored by anger against the people who run various settings now, but that belief misses the point that the people who are most militant in each setting are tribal, and they're loyal to their tribe and they're damaging people for tribal loyalty reasons — not because they are angry people who are just unhappy with each other because their anger has gotten them to bad places today.

We need to rise above tribe.

We have a chance to succeed at this point in our history if we do this right.

We need to believe in America.

This chapter in the third edition of The Art of InterGroup Peace explains what we should commit to as a country to steer us in the right direction.

Check out Chapter 17 of the Art of InterGroup Peace book.

That chapter looks at our entire set of core and basic beliefs and asks us to become an American Us based on what we believe to be true and based on what we believe we should build as a country.

Send in your thoughts to the Institute website about which of those enlightened commitments should evolve as we go forward as a country to create the future we should be achieving now in this country.

We also need to decide that telling the truth should return as an expectation for Americans, and that we should go down that path now.

We need to absolutely understand how powerful our instincts are and we need to understand how much they influence our lives every day of our lives.

We need to be well everyone.

It’s the right time for us to do exactly that and to actually be well as a people and a country and a set of believers who think enlightened behaviors should be our goal and our strategy going forward from here.

We can choose a path to Peace, but we need to make it what we do and who we are going forward from here.