Gaza, Ukraine, Nigeria, electronic sex connections, and win-win marriages are all linked to instinctive behavior patterns and they all make sense and can be managed when you know what those instincts are and what they do in our lives.

We're all creatures of Instincts — and we're shaped and guided every day by the interaction between the world we live in and all of the instincts that are embedded at multiple levels in our minds and in the thought processes and beliefs that steer our thinking and our lives in all of the key areas of our lives.

We have instincts to be territorial, tribal, and loyal to our groups who we identify as being us — and we feel high levels of attachment, support, and protective concern about those people and those sets of realities in our world and we feel very right when we act in ways that support and protect those people and their interactions with our lives.

Our instincts on inter group issues have a massive impact on our lives every day in almost every setting where we lead our lives and we need to understand those feelings and behaviors in order to understand major areas of our lives.

We're not alone in having instincts that guide our lives in intensive and impactful ways.

Every single actual living species has deeply embedded instincts that run, channel, direct, steer, and guide their lives. Other species don't invent behavior from scratch for all of the interactions they have with the world they live in. The survival of every species depends on them interacting with the world in the instinctive context that gives them support for the functional realities of their lives and gives it to them in effective and relevant ways that fit the situational needs of each species.

Bees have massive and extensive patterns of instincts that are relevant to each set and subset of bees and have them survive and even thrive in each setting they're in.

Bees do some fairly elaborate dances that teach and tell other bees in their hive where they should fly to find the exact food opportunities that are available in that setting at that point in time. Those instinct choreographed dances steer the other bees to the sites that will give that set of bees the supplies and the nourishment they need to survive in that setting.

Each and every species clearly has those sorts of instinctive tools effectively embedded in them.

Wolf packs have very strong sets of instinctive behaviors that help them find food and then interact with each other in effective and relevant ways in the hunting process to create survival levels and to achieve and acquire supplies of food that are needed for each group of wolves to exist.

Wolf packs also have strong instincts to mate, to create baby wolves, and to set up cultures within each pack to determine which wolves in each pack are alpha wolves, beta wolves, and even levels of theta wolves as the young wolves survive and grow into the adult population that helps their species survive over time in each setting.

We humans can recognize and relate to some of the instinctive behavior patterns that are soft wired into the wolves.

We also mate, have our own kinds of cubs, our own territorial turf battles and definitions, and we have alpha and beta instincts that can create their own kinds of interactions and aspirations with and for us in each setting.

The patterns of instincts we have are consistent and easy to see in most settings where we live as a species today.

Being Us and Them Is An Instinctive Behavior

Being Us and Them is a powerful and impactful instinctive behavior that we need to see, appreciate, recognize and understand for all of our settings because it has such a huge impact on our lives when it is activated.

We instinctively divide the world into Us and Them — and we tend to have very different feelings about people we see and identify in each of those categories as us or as them in every setting.

We tend to feel protective of our Us and we're supportive of our We group in each setting — and we tend to have negative, hostile, and often angry feelings toward whomever we believe in a setting is an actual Them.

The patterns that trigger Us-Them behaviors are consistent and powerful in their impact on our lives in every setting where we live now as a species.

Wolf packs identify other wolves as their own kind of Them and they're sometimes willing to fight to the death to damage Them or to remove Them from a setting or turf. That behavior obviously feels very right to the wolves involved.

Our own sets of instincts about our response to Them in our settings parallels both the behaviors and the hostile responses we see from the wolves.

We tend to want to damage Them in our settings and we tend to suspend conscience and ethical beliefs relative to Them because we feel it's so right to support our Us that the ethics and the morality standards we usually apply to Us are often completely irrelevant and absent relative to our interactions and responses to each Them.

That's a very common pattern of behavior across the planet in almost all of our settings and it might be the most important set of instincts that we should understand in steering our own future for the lives that we'll be living with each other now in our nation today.

GAZA IS A TRIBAL WAR

There are more than 125 ethnic conflicts going on in the world today, and all of those conflicts trigger that set of behaviors and beliefs and have people in each conflict core who are shedding blood and doing damage to each other with a sense that those behaviors are the right things to do.

It’s easy to see as soon as you learn to see it.

It’s also impossible to deny once you see that it's happening in any setting.

The Institute for InterGroup Understanding instinctive behavior core paradigm described here explains those behaviors in all of those settings — and offers insights into those settings for fighting to possibly cease and end over time, when people understand what's actually happening, and then deal with the instincts in each of those settings in ways that address the reality that exists for each set of people in each conflicted reality.

The trigger points for those conflicts are obvious once you know what that reality is and then look for solutions and approaches that soften the negative interactions in effective ways in each setting.

The core trigger points can be easy to see and recognize once you know what they are.

Differences trigger instinctive responses.

Nigeria, Somalia, Ethiopia, and Syria all have groups of people today who speak a different tribal language from each other who are damaging and killing people who speak the other language, and who are feeling very justified in their highly intentional negative behavior against the other group in every setting because we believe that behavior to be the right thing to do when those instincts are activated in us or in our group.

Our news media is almost completely overwhelmingly ignorant and wrong about those issues. The news media in most settings is actually too often almost breathtakingly incompetent, incorrect, inept, inadequate, incomplete, intellectually underpowered, perceptually wrong, and very often inaccurate in their ability and in their understanding, knowing, perceiving, and actually seeing that all of those conflicts in all of those settings are tribal at their core and then explaining that tribal reality to their readers and to their viewers and then explaining to their  readers and viewers why and how that tribal reality is powerful and true and why it's hugely relevant and is creating conflict now in all of those settings.

That’s a massive and continuing failure in understanding by the media.

They clearly don't understand the sets of instinctive behaviors that are causing those conflicts to happen.

The media is perceptually and perpetually wrong about that vast and growing set of conflicts.

The media tends to write about those huge numbers of very clear conflicts that happen in all of those settings as if they were each somehow situational and even somewhat ideological or political at their core. The media in each setting ignores the painfully simple, obvious, and easily discernable and easily confirmable reality that the people who are killing other people in those settings are killing people with a different language, a different culture, and a different identity as a group from the killers — and there’s nothing relevantly political or ideological in those settings because the people identified in each of those settings as Kurds or Tibetans or Alawites can’t actually convert politically to becoming English or Irish, and they can’t become some other tribe by somehow relabeling themselves in the field in each setting with that other tribal name.

Gaza is clearly a tribal war.

Gaza has more than 80,000 dead people as this piece is being written and posted today and the people who are dead there all have a different tribal identity than the people who are dropping the bombs on them today and now in that place and setting.

Both sides in Gaza have their tribal instincts fully activated, and both sides in Gaza have key people who feel no guilt or hesitation in doing very real and even intentionally evil damage to the other tribe in that setting because of their tribal status and their tribal situation.

Gaza is absolutely, totally, and completely a tribal war that activates the same sets of emotions, the ethics, and the sets of beliefs and behaviors on both sides in Gaza that other tribal wars across the planet create in all of their settings.

There are people on both sides in Gaza who are doing what people in other tribal conflicts often to do each other, and they have people on both sides who are strongly committed to treat the other group in very tribal ways today and who are doing exactly that now and who are making Gaza a long-term highly negative situational reality that will continue there as long as those people there have that opportunity to damage those people and they continue to have those instincts in gear.

They've actually dropped many thousands of bombs in that community now, and the people who support the bombings and who drop the bombs do so because tribal thinking makes that an acceptable and appropriate behavior for one tribe to do to another in any setting when those instincts are fully activated.

Key leaders in that setting believe the other side to be a Them in an instinct-defined way, and they believe that their tribe is justified in whatever damage they do to Them with those instincts in gear.

Once those instincts are activated in any setting, people then believe that damaging the other group is the right thing to do — and people doing the damage tend to think that their own team is somehow winning, and they even celebrate when the other group is being damaged.

Group anger against the other group builds, and both groups are often completely in agreement and celebrate when damage happens to the other group.

It’s a clearly instinctive set of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that people don't challenge or even resist when that set of instinctive thoughts, beliefs, and values are in gear.

Those behaviors are happening for large numbers of people in Gaza today, and the thoughts of the people for large and growing numbers of people there are completely aligned with those values, goals, and expectations, and they show no sign of having any inclination to move in any direction now that doesn't involve damaging the other group — with no end in sight to those negative interactions and realities.

There are people from each tribe in Gaza who now hate the other tribe, and the likelihood of those sets of people somehow not hating each other in the future is functionally zero.

All of the simple solutions for Gaza are doomed to fail because the hatred is so high in people on both sides, and real damage has been done there for long periods of time, and the damage won't be forgotten or forgiven by either side in that setting for the foreseeable future for either side.

What can be done now?

They need, in Gaza, at this point in our history, to find a way to give the most damaged group some level of temporary functional safety and security for the immediate future — and the people involved in that setting will never be able to make Peace directly and they won't be able to get even a cease fire that stops the killing in that area until they somehow find someone from outside those tribes who can guarantee the safety and dignity of some of the people in a highly compromised, but functional situation, to provide some level of security for some of the people who will continue to live there, because those people believe it to be where they should be entitled to live and many will absorb great pain rather than giving up what they believe is their legitimate tribal turf.

The people on both sides there have no chance creating functional trust level, and they will need someone from outside those groups to create some level of safety for the survivors in that space, and to create a reality that isn’t killing people today to stop the deaths from happening now.

Surveys of both tribes show hatred, anger, and deep distrust for large numbers of people in each tribe against the other tribe, so we'll need someone from outside those groups to at least stop the killing on some parts of that space and to give at least some of the people functional safety in their own homes and settings for a period of time.

We also need at this point in our history as a world to take a higher-level look at that situation, and we should learn, see, and understand that the tribal people in Gaza aren't alone in those behaviors — and we should and will see it in the patterns of instinctive behavior we see in other inter group settings across the planet.

The truth is — Gaza isn’t an isolated situation.

It isn’t even an outlier.

Our news media tends not to see or discuss any of the other tribal conflicts that are happening in the world now, even though it’s clear and obvious that those situations are happening in those settings.

We need to understand instinctive behavior to know why that statement is true and why it's relevant to what we need to do now in Gaza and also what we need to do in our own country as we figure out what we should be doing now with our own people to avoid being damaged here.

This instinctive damaging intergroup behavior happens a lot.

There are similar and very parallel and highly damaging conflicts happening now in Somalia, Nigeria, Ethiopia, and Syria — with many people recently and currently being damaged and dying from high levels of conflicts in each of those sites.

It’s a very familiar package.

And it's all around us.

The people who are killing other people in each of those settings are doing it out of loyalty to their tribe, and because they all believe they're doing the right things at an ethical and moral level because our Us-Them Instinct thought process and belief system is extremely powerful and it makes whatever we do for our tribe legitimate and the right thing to do when conflicts happen, so we don’t even see it as problem and we believe that those are understandable and appropriate behaviors for us in our settings now.

In any setting where those instincts are in gear, we trigger our Us-Them paradigm thinking and we believe any negative stories about the other tribe, even when they aren't true — and even, in some cases, when they couldn't possibly be true. Each side, when that paradigm is fully activated, believes every negative thing that's being said, and feels entirely legitimate in doing damage to people in the other group when those beliefs are activated and those stories are told about those situations.

That’s why the people in tribal settings in Nigeria and Sudan and Gaza will continue to damage each other as long as they have those instincts in gear and will believe the damage is the right thing to do.

People often feel that they're doing noble and loyal work in doing very evil things to other people when those beliefs are activated and are shaping the thinking and beliefs in each conflicted situation.

Ukraine is a highly visible setting that has some obvious tribal conflict going on as well that we should see for what it is as part of that situation.

People tend to miss the deep tribal issues and the clear and highly tribal points of that very current and often highly visible war in Ukraine because too many people don’t see the visible factors that exist on those issues.

The basic facts are clear there as well.

Ukraine has people who speak the Ukrainian language who are now killing people whose tribal languages and whose ancestral tribal linkages have always been Russian, and the people on both sides in that war from both tribal language anchors and heritages and are feeling no guilt in what they're doing because they perceive the people they're killing to be Them and because those animosities have been activated in that setting along those exact and clear lines in that setting for a very long time.

Ukraine is very much a tribal war and it's activating those thought process, beliefs and behaviors that those wars trigger in their settings, and it will probably continue until the tribes have separation at the local control level in that setting.

That particular conflict should be one of the easiest to solve, because the tribes there don't overlap on the actual space that they're in, and they're likely to stop fighting once they don’t overlap the space and once the leaders agree on who controls each piece of that space.

That battle and war isn’t ending easily, however, because there are some Ukrainian speaking generals who run the Ukrainian army who have their own tribal turf instincts fully activated in very public ways, and those generals say it would be a sacred violation of their tribal identity to lose even one square foot of tribal turf to the other tribe in the process of ending that war and they're prepared to fight forever rather than disgrace their tribe.

That seems nonsensical at several levels, but men who choose the military as their career might have that belief and value and would rather see many more deaths instead of dishonoring their tribe.

If they end that war and just give each tribe it’s tribal turf, peace should be immediate and permanent.

We have more than 125 tribal wars now — and we get that kind of thinking whenever our basic group and tribal instincts are activated in any setting.

The reality we all need to understand is that our  tribal instincts are creating conflicts in multiple settings, and that will continue to create issues, beliefs, and behaviors in those settings as long as the overlaps continue.

We damage people with no sense of remorse or guilt when we activate the instincts that are relevant to tribes hating and fighting tribes — and that set of behavior happens whenever people have those beliefs and perceptions in gear — and are creating the context for the groups to interact.

Each of those settings have tribal instincts in full gear in very visible ways today and anyone who knows about tribes killing tribes based on those instincts in various settings can see what is happening there to each set of people with accuracy and clarity because those tribal alignments are so clear for all of those people today that they believe they're doing the right thing for their tribe when evil happens to the people there and they help make it happen.

It's very instinctive behavior.

People kill other people and discriminate against others who activate and trigger that set of powerful instincts that we activate in every setting where they feel like they're the right belief by the people in that setting about the other people in that setting and they give us a context for dealing with those people.

Those patterns are easy to see once you learn to see them and they're everywhere that those differences happen.

Chechnya and the Alawites of Syria, and the Kurds of Turkey all have people with those tribal differences who are doing damage to each other today and who are feeling completely legitimate and justified in whatever damage they do to the other people, because their instincts in each group tell them the other group is a Them and not an Us and deserves to be damaged.

Those instincts are extremely clear when they're activated, and those same patterns of behavior happen whenever people have them as major factors in their lives and believe that those differences exist for the other group in their setting.

Those instincts can be activated within a country if people believe that there are internal differences that trigger those sets of Us-Them instincts and people in a country believe that they need to band together against a Them.

We Invented A White Tribe Here

We know what that behavior and inter group instinct behavior activation looks like and does to people in our own country.

We have the potential for some of that thinking here.

We have a rich history in our own country of activating our inter group instincts and triggering those behaviors at multiple levels and then doing damage to other people here from the other groups with those instincts in gear.

Our instincts have led us very easily down those paths in a number of relevant and highly visible ways for most of our history.

Slavery was a prime example of part of our activation history in our own country for that set of inter group instincts.

We enslaved people as a group for a couple of centuries.

We've also done massive ethnic cleansing for much of our country, and we've exhibited sometimes functionally and intentionally genocidal behaviors against the original inhabitants of this geographical space with those sets of dehumanizing instincts activated and shaping our thinking and guiding our thoughts and behaviors relative to those sets of people over long periods of our history.

Us-Them behavior relative to the original native American indigenous people of our continent couldn't have been more obvious, and it was too often both destructive and damaging behavior that was done to the people in all of those settings who weren’t Us to the people who've been in power here for a couple centuries of our history.

We invented White as a group and a tribe as part of that process.

White has been a tribal Us at an important and highly functional level for much of our history and that group and tribe activated all of those instincts at a relevant level that damaged people who weren’t from that group and still creates a damaging context for many of our behaviors today.

People here who weren't perceived instinctively to be part of the White European American tribe that controlled the government were damaged at many levels as we evolved as a country into the context and into the inter group conflicts and interactions that we're in now.

The good news is — we're actually now on better paths today for a wide range of those behaviors than we've been on for most of our history, and we should be able to achieve a more enlightened and very positive, peaceful, and successful future going forward from here if we understand and appreciate exactly how those sets of instincts work and if we then channel them now to create a collective Us for our country that's based on our core beliefs and on our most enlightened values instead of being defined only by our race or our tribe.

We've had a recent period of relatively enlightened behavior in our country, and we should definitely build on that enlightenment going forward from here as a nation to create a future that gives us all a chance for collective positive outcomes and for shared success as a people.

We need to create a country that believes in inclusion for all our people and that aspires and commits to win-win behaviors for everyone who is here now.

We can understand how dangerous and damaging some of those Us-Them instincts are and have been — and we should rise above those beliefs and behaviors to give us the very best future we can have as a country with the context we have to build on now.

We'll be most likely to succeed on that agenda and approach if we have a very clear sense of how badly we've done in some of those areas now.

We should recognize how badly we've done in some areas up to now and we should be very honest about that reality as part of the foundation for where we are today and now.

THE WHITE TRIBE Did Some Damage Against other tribes Here

The patterns of discrimination have been obvious and clear.

In this country, we've always discriminated in various ways against anyone who doesn't look like the original invading European tribe that took control of the land and who then did partial consistent and targeted ethnic cleansing against the native tribes who lived here before that invasion.

That group of people who started the national governance and belief system trajectory that we're on now looked ethnically White with very light skin colors for the group and it had a shared language that created a collective sense of us for that population that shared languages tend to create.

White Europeans were the primary functional Us group who created this nation as a political entity and most of our structures and beliefs today were based on their levels of structure, ethics, and behaviors that they used within their own group to govern themselves as a functioning tribal Us with their own ethics, functional morality, and beliefs that initially applied only to their group, but managed to be shared by the other white tribal people and populations.

They invaded a continent that was full of people with multiple tribal alignments, and they managed to displace original and indigenous populations that initially far outnumbered the invaders from Europe, in total across the continent, and they succeeded with the displacements because the original owners of each piece of land here, almost without exception, made their own resistance to the invaders local and specific to their tribe, and didn’t create any levels of alliances or mutual support relationships with other local tribes to defeat or even resist the invaders in any organized way.

Warriors and various warrior cultures existed everywhere for every group that was here, but those sets of warriors didn’t slow the invasion because they all fought alone.

The original Native American and indigenous people who had lived here by the tens of millions as the first settlers and as the original occupants on these continents actually all had a long history of being warriors against the other original tribes who lived here, and those original tribes didn’t form any effective coalitions or build alliances of any kind against the invaders from Europe because of those historic animosities between those tribes here that had caused them to be enemies to each other rather than allies against a common foe when that invasion from Europe happened.

The National Museum of the American Indian in Washington D.C. is very close to the Washington Monument and the Vietnam Memorial, and anyone visiting that site can see even today that each tribe has its own space and its own set of heroes, and there were no sets of alignments that were created to resist the invaders from Europe at any level as that process unfolded.

The functional local tribe resistance to the invasion by the European tribes was also hampered and weakened hugely by having millions of people in the indigenous tribes actually dying from the diseases brought here by the Europeans.

Villages that had tens of thousands of people living in them in the years before the Europeans arrived were wiped out almost entirely by those new diseases and that significantly lowered population in many areas made settling and controlling many areas of the country relatively easy for the invaders. Biological warfare happened and it was very effective for the tribes with those diseases.

White Europeans took over the continent and they created the new set of identities and rules for local behavior across the country. They had a mixed impact on the process — and we ended up with some very good trajectories for many of the things we wanted to do as Americans from that white tribal identity and tribal reality as well as having some negative consequences for many people of color that continue today as a foundation for who we are.

We were blessed as a nation by having some of the most enlightened people on the planet who were living in this country as descendants of the white invaders who were taking control of the governance development process for the country at a key point in time and who ended up writing our founding documents and then creating our declarations of independence and building our constitution and basic functional interaction values to build an accountable and relatively enlightened governing process for us as a people that we rely on today and that has some very good component parts that we're lucky to have to steer us as a nation and even as a people now for who and where we are now.

That governance process and that direct governing group was very white at the beginning of that trajectory into figuring out and shaping the key elements of our belief system and our governance and our identity as a nation.

The people in control of that process were very European and they were very tribal relative to the other people who lived here, but we were very fortunate that they were politically enlightened in some important ways at the same time and that enlightenment in those time frames for those sets of people gave us a framework that was probably more progressive and more positive in many political aspects than anything else that had happened historically anywhere else on the planet up to that time.

We were blessed with having some very smart and well-intentioned people steering the process for our political and intellectual development during some extremely important points in our history as a nation to a solid intellectual foundation that we're building on today.

The white group made a collective decision and expectation to use English as the functional and governing language for the northern continent of this hemisphere and that single language decision for this country on this continent eliminated many of the conflicts and identity issues that would have happened here if they had retained the original tribal languages of Europe for all of those new people and if they had, instead, become a multilingual country with separate languages for each area and setting.

Canada also got almost to that single language solution point for their entire nation, but they decided at a very important point in their history to keep two languages for their  country instead of pulling back to just one — and those two groups of Canadians still tend to be in the kinds if constant conflict and mutual dislike and division between groups that we can see on every continent and country on the planet where they maintain multiple languages in an area and then have the full sets of tribal instincts that are clearly and powerfully activated in every setting by having a different language for each tribe define every area.

Gaza and Ukraine wouldn't have people killing each other today if each of those settings was inhabited by a single-language speaking people and if each setting had only economic, operational, and functional issues to deal with at this point in their history, rather than being separate tribes and then interacting in tribal ways that create tribal divisions and tribal thinking and tribal outcomes for both groups.

That pattern and that division always happens in every major political setting whenever the groups occupying an area maintain multiple and separate languages for each group in the setting.

Each group with a language in any multilingual setting on the planet has people in the group whose emotional and intellectual energy gets focused on somehow preserving their language as a key priority for the group and too often people aren't dealing with the higher levels of issues that can create process and progress in various settings for overall populations of people that happen more easily when the people who live there all speak the same language and share a common identity as a group.

We avoided those particular language issues in our history as a nation by making English the common language everywhere, but we then created a wide range of other instinct-triggered issues that clearly damaged people in many of our settings based on perceived differences in group identity that we linked to the skin color of our people.

We created a national macro Us for members of the white tribe and then we triggered a number of those basic Us-Them instincts in that tribe to do a number of very negative things to other people in each of our settings as a nation for people who weren't members of that tribe.

Slavery was part of the package of extremely negative behaviors that we built as a country and that guided long trajectories of interactions as a nation.

Slavery is an ultimate and extremely definitive Us-Them behavior. We had slavery as a key part of our history for over 200 years and we had to fight a very bloody war to get it to stop being the law of the land for everyone who lived here.

We freed our slaves with our Civil War and then we continued to damage them in multiple ways because we still had our Us-Them instincts in gear for that population of people.

The former slaves in our country have been damaged in multiple ways by discriminatory laws and behaviors, and we've made great progress at multiple levels, but we have a long way to go to achieve an optimal setting for everyone and for every group that lives here with any group identity triggers and differentiators that cause those instincts to happen and steer our thoughts, emotions, and some sets of behaviors for how we interact with each other.

It isn’t hopeless.

Progress has been made.

We can build on that progress now.

We've achieved some very enlightened thinking as a country in a number of areas, and we have an overall functional governance infrastructure and cultural realities that give us rule of law, a sense of legal equality for all of our people, and a sense of justice and fairness as an underpinning for our group behaviors.

Those enlightened elements function in the context of instinctive differences at multiple levels in our interactions with one another, and they give us a package of behaviors and interactions that we've been steering in some good directions much of the time.

We're far from complete and successful in achieving our optimal interactions with each other as a country, but progress has been made in recent years, and more progress is possible if we're highly intentional in what we do now to make that happen, and if we make the right decisions on our key beliefs and values at this point in our history and then make that our expectations going forward from where we are now.

The functional reality is that we're now in a relatively good place for many of our internal interactions a large percentage of the time — and we need to build on our best practices and our best achievements to give us the best path forward from here, because that's clearly the right path for us to be on if we want our grandchildren to live in functional intergroup peace and to have low levels of intergroup damage with each other on an ongoing basis going into the next decades as a country — and to have a culture of trust that's created and sustained by the people who we rely on as our key factors going forward from here and from now, and to have it because we're committed to create that future for us all.

We'll need both understanding and goodwill in widespread and Enlightened ways to make that happen.

We will need both wisdom and knowledge to make that happen.

We need to collectively and individually understand our instinctive behaviors and we need to know how to use them to build a strong and better country instead of allowing us to fall into inter group battles that can activate negative instincts and send us down wrong paths together at this point in our history.

We should act in our most enlightened collective best interest today.

We should decide to build enlightened next steps for us as country from this beginning and from our current status today.

We need to look at the worst behaviors of those highly tribal nations, and we need to completely avoid going down those paths here.

We need to understand how damaging and dangerous it is to activate our Us-Them instincts in any setting, and we should decide to be Us as a nation and a people, and then make that happen because we understand what that process is and we know how to make it work on our behalf to give us the very best future that we can now create.

We need to create a working sense of Us as a nation that's based on our beliefs — and we know from doing that well in many relevant settings that it's actually possible to do, and we know and believe that it's a very good thing to do for ourselves and for each other when we do it.

Us-Them instincts are extremely powerful and they can be used to help us, as well as damage us — so we need to use intellectual wisdom and good and pure intentions now to create and build a new Us for the country that's based on our ideals and based on our values, not just on our race.

Those instincts are flexible and powerful at the same time, and they can be channeled in very intentional and effective ways to build an Us for this country that's based on our beliefs and not on our ethnicity or gender — and that can happen if we understand how those instincts work and then channel them down enlightened trajectories as a nation to give us an optimal future for us all as Americans destined to live in Peace.

We have a set of inclusive and enlightened values that we can and should build on to create the very best America of the future. We need to overcome some very powerful challenges from some political forces in our country today that have tribal thinking at their core that will make those enlightened beliefs not easy to use at this point in our history if we want to create the very best trajectory going forward from here and then actually rise past our most negative forces in play today.

We can get there from here, but it won’t be easy, inevitable, or automatic because those negative instincts can have such power over our thoughts, aspirations, and emotional interactions when they're activated and we need to not activate them by doing the right things with each other to build trust and a shared sense of American values that we believe together.

We're in danger of tribalizing politically in our country at this point in time and we need to help people understand how important it will be for us at this moment in time to teach the entire country that we need to rise above and optimize our most positive instincts at the core level to achieve real inter group Peace rather than us go down the slippery slope to hurting each other by group and then having that group anger, division, and animosity that we create from that conflict last for a very long time and badly affect us as who we are as a people and a nation for long periods of time.

Let’s rise above that extremely seductive but highly damaging trajectory and let's be enlightened together as an American people.

Let’s figure this out together.

And let’s become wise as an American group in the most positive ways.

Let’s Create Alignment For Everyone And Extend Our Thinking To Gender And Tribes

We need to see and understand in honest and clear ways where we are now and then steer to the best blend of who we are as a blessing and a strength.

As a country, we've discriminated against people by race, ethnicity, and tribe, and we've also discriminated massively and very consistently by sex and by gender.

We can’t plan our future trajectory for instinctive behavior and do it well for all of us unless we include and then benefit from the instincts that relate to sex and to basic reproduction as well as to our tribal group alignment instinct triggers.

Sex is obviously extremely relevant and important to us at a directly functional level because it obviously determines whether we'll have a future for purely biological reasons and because it has strong instinctive linkages to sexual interests, sexual thinking, and sexual activities.

Our cultures have dealt in very explicit and sometimes complicated ways with sex since our first days of existence, and we often find that our personal energy and thoughts are linked to sexual activities and beliefs in powerful and obvious ways.

Gender matters.

Basic biological realities and functionalities have caused cultures everywhere to treat people differently by gender in both positive and negative ways and we need to understand where we are now on those issues, behaviors, and beliefs that link to that aspect of our biology and we need to figure out directions that work well for both of our biological realities and give us the very best potential sexual impacts for our communities and our lives.

We have two biological genders.

We're clearly not identical with each other in important ways that we need to understand and figure out to give each of us the best interactions with those issues that we can create for ourselves.

Some people believe that we're so different by gender that we're destined to face long-term divisions that will create deep roots in our basic biology relating to being a two-gender species and some people believe that there’s a high likelihood that our gender-related thoughts, beliefs, and activities will cause us to be irreversibly separate and even conflicted at multiple levels of our lives.

There are very pessimistic thinkers on those topics who believe gender will divide us in major and damaging ways if we allow the worst aspects of those instincts to steer us to bad and angry outcomes for our lives.

We need to keep that from happening.

We need to apply the basic strategies of instinctive peace building to our gender relations, interactions, and approaches.

We need to be an Us on sexual issues as much as we should and can become an Us on tribal and community issues.

In the same way that we need to become an Us against the extreme temptations of tribal thinking that can divide us into Us and Them at a group level, we need to become an Us in our gender approaches that optimizes and benefits from the fact that we're not biologically identical with each other across gender lines, and that we should consider two genders to be a major asset and a blessing in our lives — not a reason for conflict, stress, division, or unhappiness with each other going forward from here.

We haven't been perfect in some of our gender-related behaviors over the course of our history.

We have a long history of discriminating against women at multiple levels.

We didn't even give women the right to vote in this country until the most recent century, and we've discriminated against women at multiple levels in ways that we see happen clearly in cultures across the planet.

We obviously and clearly need women as a species and we should appreciate and support that need at multiple levels and optimize our gender-related consequences and behaviors.

Only women can have babies, and babies are obviously extremely important to us as a species — and we've made that a reality that we've sometimes dealt with in inappropriate and suboptimal ways and that we don’t deal with very well today in too many of our settings now where women have babies and then don’t get the support that those babies need in any appropriate and effective ways.

We need babies in order to survive as a species. We need to have offspring, and we need them to survive and hopefully thrive in each setting where we exist now.

We need to remember where our history has taken us on some of those issues.

In the early days of our species, when we were hunter-gatherers in our various villages, we generally had very assigned roles by gender. We were hunters and we were gatherers and the assignments given in each setting while we lived in huts and caves included both sexes as a package of behaviors and that created some patterns of behavior for both hunting and gathering that were gender specific in visible and relevant ways that we see some echoes of today and now.

In many of our earliest pre-city historical settings, we had some very basic gender-based behavior patterns that we believe were consistent from setting to setting. The men in each group were generally assigned to protect their group, and they were typically expected to hunt the game that created some of the core and needed survival calories for families and groups in many settings.

The women in those early settings were in charge of the tent or cave, and we believe that women created and enhanced the nests that people slept in for comfort and functionality in those settings, and we believed that those functions and activities were a good use of their energy and time.

Biology was extremely relevant to those overall patterns of assignments and processes.

We clearly needed women to have babies and to nurture them and protect them in ways that enabled them to survive and to thrive when possible, and it seems that women in most of those early cultures also gathered and prepared and delivered the food for their family in each setting, and made it available to the relevant people in relevant ways that were aligned with the expectations that each culture creates for those outcomes and activities.

We raise our children very slowly as a species and that means that we need to feed and protect them for the better part of a decade at, a minimum level, to make sure they don’t all die after being born and actually had the best chance of surviving to an old age.

The basic roles and assignments in those settings relied on people doing the right thing for each culture. They relied on both men and women in a family staying with the family for functionally important and relevant lengths of time and doing what each culture expected them to do.

Our cultures serve our instincts in every setting. Our cultures are the sets of rules and expectations we set up in every community to achieve the goals and expectations that our instincts create. Our cultures give us the tools we need to make our instincts successful in each setting.

Our cultures have been important to us in every setting, and we each tend to want to be aligned with what our cultures expect us to do because we tend to believe that our cultures define for us what the right thing to do is for every basic component of our behavioral lives — and we tend to feel better if what we do fits what we believe our culture tells us, guides us, directs us and wants us to do.

We're hard wired with core instincts to be loyal to our group and we're hard wired to follow the cultures created by each group setting to guide our behavior and we can feel stress at an instinctive level if we're not in alignment with the expectation of our culture and if that alignment difference is visible and known to us.

We tend to be extremely cultural people, and that's evolving today in some ways because we now have a wide range of new factors, processes, and communications from social media and from our community about basic cultural issues — and our cultures give us strong steerage and are now sometimes seen to be a moving target with the world we're in now because they change in key areas much more often than they used to and we're all tightly aware of and linked to the culture we're in and we tend to make awareness of those expectations and directions a priority of our lives.

Social media is now a key part of that process.

Today, we're aligned with the cultures being created around us by social media and by our group settings, and we tend to feel good when our behavior and the expectations of our cultures are aligned with what we're doing for our lives and we can feel anxiety and unhappiness and fear when we don’t have that sense of alignment for ourselves and our lives.

CULTURE SERVES OUR INSTINCTS AT MULTIPLE LEVELS

We're so linked and tied to our cultures and we accept their steerage for our lives so well that we will actually set up situational cultural rules for standing in line at airports, and people in the airport line will sometimes feel real anger at a visceral instinct-linked level if someone violates those rules in that setting for the line they're actually in there waiting for their plane. The anger will feel right to the people because it links to their cultural expectation programming in that moment and place.

'Situational' is actually the basic underpinning for major parts of cultures in every setting, because we have strong leanings from our instincts on multiple levels and then we create cultures about how to turn those leanings into what we do today and now in each setting.

There isn’t a basic set of clear and rigid culture factors built into our instincts that we move from site to site and setting to settings.

Each group creates its own culture and we tend to build our cultures in very explicit ways with the intent of achieving the goals and the expectations that our instincts create.

Loyalty is an instinctive behavior.

We tend to feel great loyalty to our groups and we extend that loyalty to the cultures that our groups create.

We all tend to believe that our cultures are somehow right at a core level.

There are many rules about men and women in every culture — and we can see why some of those rules exist if we look at both our biology and our relative instinctive behaviors that relate to core functional issues for the people involved.

Our cultures have roles for men and women about the basic functioning of every setting. Some of the cultural expectations for women that seem to exist everywhere clearly relate to keeping our children healthy and alive, and some of the cultural expectations we see for men are clearly intended to protect and enable and support those processes and the families they create.

After women gave birth, the people in every setting needed an ongoing supply of food to keep the children alive. If we look at those settings where those kinds of family gatherings exist today, or existed in the recent past, the usual model in many settings was to have men skilled at hunting, fishing, and at the various kinds of protein collection processes that were needed by each group to keep the family fed.

Men often were expected by their cultures to hunt for food, and the male behaviors reinforced that process and created a sense of alignment for those men in that setting when they did those hunting tasks and roles well and ended up with the results that the processes are intended to create.

Mothers protected the children. Mothers also tended to maintain the hut and to cook or prepare the food for the family and group. They did a lot of gathering of nuts and berries, in many settings and the cultures of many groups often had those basic food gathering processes creating a major supply of calories as well to keep the family alive.

We don’t have those particular foundational behaviors built into our lives today, because we now have food sources available to both genders that can satisfy those needs in very direct and effective ways for every family with no division by gender at any level included in the process.

Many families still have behavior patterns of women doing more 'food' work and activities, and men doing some of the logistical work around the home, but those patterns are based on the choices of people in each family setting and aren't imposed today by culture or even instinctive alignment.

Women do a disproportionate level of child caring in most settings, and we know that we do tend to have very strong mother instincts, and that’s good for us as a species and as families because children tend to love and appreciate being mothered and women often love doing motherly things for their children and believe that those interactions with their children are wonderful things to do and a good use of their own energy and time.

It's a good thing in our lives when we can find ourselves in alignment with our instinctive behaviors and when we can have doing that to be a workable use of our lives.

We also have strong father instincts, and there’s a solid body of research that says that families with interactive fathers tend to have healthier and more successful children than the homes where that resource doesn’t exist.

We should have our children’s success as a key and even top priority for our world going forward from here and we should think of marriage and our alignment processes to be an important part of that package for our children that gives us our best opportunities to have strong brains, solid social development, and skills for our children that we know are most successfully developed when they happen early in the life of each child.

We should build parenting opportunities for every family because those early learning times are so extremely important at epigenetic levels for each child, and we should make supporting those interactions a key and strongly supported part of our parenting strategy and agenda in every culture and setting.

The science is solid and absolutely clear on those early learning processes and those early epigenetic development opportunities that exist for our children from every group and setting and have a huge impact on each and every child.

We used to have very poor understandings about what those epigenetic realities are for every child.

People used to believe that the key and most important education years were kindergarten to high school for every child.

That belief was wrong.

We now know that the very first months and first years of life are clearly the most important times for the individual development for every child.

The developmental work that we thought for decades could be done at age 18 for every child will fail if the children don’t get the right levels of support in the first 18 months of life, because the neurons only connect with ease in the first two years of life for every child.

We now know that the first two and three months of life for every child are very high-potential and very high-value time for interactions with our children, and we also now know that the neurons in the brains of children connect by the billions in the first two and three years of life when adults interact directly and extensively in loving ways with them.

We know from current epigenetics that massive developmental interactions happen in those first months of life for each child.

We know that the learning gaps in the schools and in families do not exist when children get extensive interaction and get direct and personal support from adults in those very first and highly important timeframes for every child.

It’s much easier parenting as well when those early interactions happen.

Every child loves getting those interactions with the adults in their lives and they have much better learning skills and a much lower rate of Presumptive Negativity Syndrome at age 5 when those interactions happen at age 2.

We need to set up our family settings to make those interactions possible, and we need to set up our family settings to give us better levels of success with a wide range of interactions happen.

The single most important thing we can do for our children, in addition to giving them a safe place to live and enough food to survive and be healthy, is to interact with each child in the first months and years of life when those interactions create billions of neuron connections in each child and that gives the children the thinking strength and ability that allows them succeed mentally for the rest of their lives.

The brain changes at age 4 and purges unused connections, so the children who are behind at age 5 stay behind for life.

Before the birth, we live in a world where other instincts are extremely relevant to create the trajectories that we're each on.

Before birth happens or is possible, we need people from each gender to interact with each other in ways that cause and enable sexual activity that triggers fertilization to occur. Our cultures have rich veins of courting behaviors that are often enjoyable and emotionally motivating for the people doing the courting, and we will only survive to have future generations to happen.

We need to court.

It’s an instinctive behavior that we see in a wide and interesting variety of ways in various settings.

Courting is one of those important behaviors that we often love to do and can and do commit to doing with high levels of energy because it can feel so right to us to do it and to have those interactions for both genders when those instincts are triggered.

Courtship is very clearly an instinctive behavior, and we have various kinds of courtship behaviors in every culture. We clearly have courting instincts, and both genders seemed to have parts of the courtship process that they liked doing and made a priority at some levels for their lives and interactions with each other.

We tend to do courting activities that create interactions between men and women at multiple levels — and we sometimes make courtship processes important components, developments, and tee up behaviors for some of the most important interactions of our lives.

We have elaborate and choreographed courting interactions at multiple levels that people can prioritize as important parts of who they are and what they do in various interactions of their lives because they end up with people finding each other and creating alignments and linkages that work for their lives.

When we court each other, we end up with people interacting with each other and we have people making decisions about who they choose for lifetime alignment decisions as part of the courting processes.

A major goal of the courtship interactions for  people is to somehow enter into a sexual contact or sexual relationship and a very directly personal relationship with the person they're courting that can result in fertilization happening.

Sex is a key piece of that entire approach and agenda.

Sex is an extremely important instinctive interaction all by itself, and it's the hope, goal, and aspiration of a very high proportion of men and of a high proportion and high percentage of women to be in a sexual relationship that meets the sexual needs and satisfies the sexual interests of the people who enter into it.

SEX IS AN INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Sex can be a blessing and a positive experience and a beneficial activity for people when it happens in ways that work in functional, supportive, and appropriate ways for the people involved — and it's also a hugely powerful, important, and directionally correct instinctive behavior for many other species in the time frames and the settings when it's the right thing to do to activate and trigger basic sexual activities for each species.

Wolves have instincts about sexual behavior, and wolves and other species that have sexual activity all seem and tend to make it a very real and important priority for their thoughts, actions, and behaviors at the exact point in the process where it's needed for that species to succeed and to survive as a species.

Those patterns of sexual behavior are entirely specific and explicit to each species and they're not identical at any level as a generic set of behaviors between species because they're so tied to the design and the life processes of each species that they all clearly are exactly right for that set of beings in that setting and time frame when they occur.

Stallions and mares have obvious and clear patterns that relate to sexual activity with immediate relevancy to horses and involve direct and sometimes direct physical contact with obvious instinctive links for the horses and with a similar motivation female salmon are also driven and soft wired by their own instincts to get to the right place to lay their eggs and to create that opportunity, and the male salmon will actually sometimes swim 1000 miles or more to fertilize those exact eggs, and there’s no relation, alignment, link, or even contact between any male or female salmon on that entire trajectory as they each made their extremely important and completely separate functional commitment to that site and process that results in a fertilized egg.

Those very clear and focused behaviors are, however, the highest priority behaviors for both male and female fish for that time, and those millions of fish don’t have any other focus than that process when that particular set of sexual activities and behaviors is needed for that species to survive.

It works for male and female salmon to have parallel pathways to fertilization, and it works for stallions and mares to have direct interaction, focused and highly aware linkages, and even some competition of sorts for who gets to impregnate whom in each herd, and both of those species survive because that’s how they deal with sex as a species and because fertilization actually functionally and physically happens for the females in each species in that process with each of those trajectories in ways that cause that entire process to be a success for both genders in each species.

Being sexually successful for both genders is a model that obviously can, should and does have some relevance to us, and we might actually have one of the broadest ranges of sexual interactions of any species — because we also need to successfully achieve actual and explicit impregnation and, we also need and aspire to successfully achieve long-term interaction in the nesting behaviors and marital context we use over time with intermittent and ongoing sexual contact as part of the tool kit that keeps us successful as families and active as social creatures in our settings.

We often have sex itself play an ongoing and long-term role in our lives, and that extended interaction with sexual activity at a variety of levels in a variety of ways actually helps our species survive and thrive — and we know that to be true because we have survived, and we also tend to thrive in the settings we live in today.

We're intellectual beings, so we have the ability to see that part of our lives in a broader context that gives us a sense of who we are on that set of issues and we have the ability to take our enjoyment and our appreciation of the various sexual processes and interactions and to have the entire process add enjoyment and pleasure in creative ways to our lives that give us better lives and success in building our communities and families and marriages.

Other species can inspire us with some of their sexual behaviors. .

We obviously can see, appreciate, and understand how a wide range of species do explicit and specific sexual things at the right moments in time to keep their species intact and to have their species perpetuating itself in highly programmed and very species explicit sexual behaviors that tend to repeat for every generation and for each fertilization process that happens for each species, and we can also see that sex plays a much bigger role in human lives and that we should figure out how to do that with optimal results for us as a species and for us as individual people who should have good lives, with sex sometimes an important, positive, and interesting element of our lives.

In the context of our species and our lives, sex can actually be a beneficial, motivating, and often positive activity and process when we create and achieve the right alignments between sexual behaviors in our settings, our communities, and in our own lives and then when we channel and support their role in our own lives to help us live our lives in appropriately supportive ways that we understand and channel effectively in very intentional ways that enable us to reproduce as well as survive and even thrive.

Our cultures have each set up multiple expectations and rule sets about sexual behaviors, and the cultures for each group tend to create those expectations with the goal of both meeting our instinctive behavior goals and achieving the success and biological survival strategies of each group we belong to today and to also give our lives some pleasant and interesting aspects that we don't see in any other species that we're aware of today.

We have thoughts and sexual fantasies that probably don't exist for any other species, but that do give us some additional ways of achieving pleasure, connection, comfort, and focus that can add layers of interest to our lives and affect our interactions in those areas in positive and supportive ways.

We do have some traditional behaviors from our history as a species that still shape much of what we do today in our sexual and behavioral interactions.

We have a number of behaviors and expectations that were created in our cultures by that hunter-gatherer reality for our ancestors to steer male and female behaviors and activities for the group into functional realities for each setting.

We're in a very different functional and economic reality for our people today than we were in our earlier days, but we have a long history as a species of being organized in the context of hunter-gatherer settings, and many of our culture expectations that still guide us today were based on that set of functional realities and have been carried into current times by the momentum created by our cultural histories of following those patterns of behaviors in our lives — and because we all instinctively tend to believe that what our cultures tell us to do in each setting is the right thing to do.

Some of our cultural patterns today have obvious links to the functional realities that we faced in our hunter-gatherer years as a species. We have some very different sexual realities in many important ways today — and we currently have a much higher level of flexibility in the sexual roles and activities available to us now compared even to the expectations of just a few decades back into our history.

Some of the goals, functional behaviors, interactions, cultural guidelines, and expectations that we used to see for us were intended to keep the males in each group in long-term and highly supportive contact with their family setting and with their biological tribe.

In many of those social and functional tribal groupings and settings, the cultures very much wanted the males in the setting to continue to hunt game and to protect the hearth against wild cats and hungry bears after the woman is impregnated and has given birth, so most cultures built a reward system of some kind to encourage the males to stay in the family setting and to support the males to have them not abandon the immediate family that's most relevant to his genetic trajectory.

One reward that some cultures used with some levels of success to make that loyalty and consistency happen for males in many settings earlier in our history as a species was actually sex itself.

Sex can be an extremely pleasant and positive thing, and it's often a priority interest and an intellectual focus for many of our people at least part of the time, so we knew that many of our early cultures had rules,  expectations and even laws that allowed both men and women to have sex only in the context of their marriage.

Some cultures even did serious damage to men in their group who had sex outside of that marital context, and both men and women in many of those settings knew that if they wanted to have sex be part of their lives, the only functionally and culturally allowable way for that to happen in that setting was to be with one’s wife or husband for sex and for all sexually connected behaviors.

Sex can be a very good thing for people and marriages can also be a very good and foundational thing for the stability of the group to support people’s lives, so many cultures linked the two in obvious and effective ways for the long-term success of the community and the likelihood of ongoing marital success.

Marriages were invented and supported by cultures as a standard and common practice both to enable sex and to cause higher levels of survival and success for each set of parents in making sure that families are the tools used to raise our children and to serve as the primary context for long-term interactions in each of our settings.

We're on that path now.

We tend to marry and then we also agree to mate for life in our current culture.

We know that's clearly a chosen cultural practice for our culture and setting and it's not an instinctive behavior in the sense of being wired into us biologically in some physical way, as opposed to being a cultural path that we've chosen by our own volition and could theoretically choose another path if that makes sense for any set of us today.

That means that our explicit instincts for those behaviors are clearly not as powerful as the eagles who only do that magnificent high-risk mating flight with one other eagle in their world and then they each completely stop looking for other opportunities to mate after that magnificent and clearly somewhat dangerous event and then do all the things that eagles do with their mate to make their offspring successes in their own lives.

They build sometimes magnificent nests for that eagle marriage process.

We actually nest a bit like eagles ourselves in many of our own marriages.

We have great and very real houses that give us very good nests for our families a high percentage of the time.

We have marriage in all of our settings and cultures, and it tends to be an important thing for people everywhere to be married.

Today — as people — we should want marriages to succeed and to make people’s lives better, because we are at the point in our culture and our history where we do what gives our marriages enough positive outcomes to enable most people to marry, and we should now know enough about our own instinctive behavior at multiple levels to use that knowledge to help our marriages succeed.

If we decide that we want marriage to be an important part of our lives because they provide so many benefits and offer so many values for the people in marriages, and if we want our marriages to succeed at the highest possible level, then we should teach people how to make successful marriages happen and we should support those successful approaches and best practices for our people who get married.

Some aspects of that teaching are actually common sense and simple good judgement.

We know from feedback from many marriages that many of the very best marriages are between people who are friends with each other.

When you look at marriages that have survived over time, and when you ask those people how their marriage does so well, a very high percentage of them say that their spouse is their friend — maybe their best friend — and they tend to have all the good feelings toward their spouse that we have for a trusted and appreciated friend.

When a problem arises, and when you're with a friend, you start with goodwill and with a high likelihood of making the problem something to resolve.

The very best marriages make the truth a guarantee and a commitment, and trust exists for those couples because they don’t feel that people in a marriage should lie to and deceive each other.

Tact and gentle phrasing and careful explanations on some points and issues done with absolute goodwill are sometimes needed to make the truth easy to take, but absolute falsehoods on important issues undermine the likelihood of marital success and should be strongly avoided by each person in the marriage.

Physical attraction is a key part of marital success.

Most couples court people they're attracted to physically, and that's a great start for the physical attraction process. Doing sexually visual things can be very important to both parties and essential for the man.

Men tend to be instinctively wired for visual impact — and marriages who share sexual visual content with each other tend to find that a very good and highly reinforcing thing to do.

Men seem to have particularly strong instincts to appreciate and love the bosom of their marital partner, and we know with our new electronic tool kit and social media feedback that selfies of their spouses are disproportionately treasured by a significant number of men.

We've decided as a culture to anchor families and even communities with marriages, and we should use our own sets of hard-wired instincts to do that well.

We should be good at being married.

If we continue to decide that one of our basic values and aspirations, and a key goal for us in our society and our culture, is for us to marry and to be successful in our marriages, then we should figure out what package of instinctive and strategic and intellectual choices, tools, and behaviors gives us the best chance of making that happen, and we should teach that approach to as many people as we can — as effectively as we can teach it.

We should figure out the best pathways, approaches, strategies, and interactions for marriages to succeed and survive and to make lives better for the people who are in them.

Sex, itself, has to be a key tool and primary part of that strategy, because it's often such a good thing and because a very high percentage of people want, crave, and desire sex — and because there’s almost nothing else that exists that has the potential impact, effectiveness, and power of making sex a key part of that strategy.

We have a species that's very interested in sex and that has a strong instinct-driven desire for sexual experiences, and the beauty of using that tool and factor for marriage is that marriage is actually intended, in most cultures, to make sex happen.

Sex is a great anchor for the marriage agenda and approach.

It makes sense for us to learn how to have marriage enhance the sexual experience of our people in all of our marital settings in intentional and structured ways, and it’s a very good idea to set up ways that make marriages more successful for their participants in those settings by making the physical and sexual parts of their lives that are included in the marriage more positive and extremely available.

We need to do practical things to make that happen.

We also need to do emotional and supportive things to make that happen and to enhance the process.

We tend to start with people who are marrying people that they like and love — and that’s a very legitimate place to start our planning because courtship and romance at various levels are usually part of the pathway for each marriage to happen, and we should take advantage of that tendency and that pattern in our marriage support activities and plans and see it and celebrate it in every setting.

We should want the best features of our courtship behaviors to extend into our marriages.

When possible, we should help married couples feel good about each other as a foundation for the process and we should make it very clear to people that couples who like each other end up having better lives and better marriages.

We can do very intentional things to make those feelings consistently part of the process, because we know what those patterns that brought people together are now and we can build on them going forward in intentional and grateful ways.

We should do process engineering in competent ways to enhance the likelihood of marital success.

People do need friends.

We want and should encourage people who marry to see their spouse as their friend, ally, compatriot, romantic avenue, love channel, warmth opportunity, and as their emotional support venue and pathway on an ongoing basis in the context of the marriage — and we should do it in a way that creates a personal and consistent safety net for each marriage — based overwhelmingly on the goodwill that can exist for the people who are married who see and feel that goodwill from each other.

If people make the explicit, clear, and direct commitment to each other as each marriage begins to very directly work together to make the marriage succeed, then the process starts with extreme goodwill and with the right things to do to have that goodwill felt and returned to each other by the marriage, and certain behaviors from that point on can support and reinforce the likelihood of good interactions for each couple.

We also do want families to do well, and when married couples are friends, lovers, allies, and compatriots, then that friendship and that underpinning can support those success level realities and it can make lives better for everyone involved and can extend that goodwill to the family setting.

For the classic marriages that have both biological genders included as the married couple, we need both parties to recognize that men and women have different wiring and different instincts at multiple levels, and we should enjoy, appreciate, celebrate, and work with those sets of instincts in effective ways to make marriages successful in multiple ways when both genders are the context for the commitment and give us a context for those interactions.

We've traditionally started with two genders as a core level for traditional marriages, and we now have a much broader sense of possible alignments that can all be both successful and good and have their own trajectories and pathways to marital success.

We now have marriages that are between two men or two women, as well as a woman and a man — and they can all give us great trajectories for success if we make the commitment together to have every marriage succeed and then do the right things with each couple to give them success in that process and in their lives.

We need our very intentional and well-designed marriage strategies to support and help every couple with every alignment possibility, and with every couple approach that's on our possible agenda.

There's a wide range of gender definitions that are possible, and our guideline and our only limit for marriage should be that we limit marriage to two people and that we encourage and support every combination of two that works for those two people.

Two married men can be a good thing.

Two married women can be a good thing.

A man married to a woman can be a good thing.

A woman married to a man can be a good thing.

Every combination of two people committed to each other can be a good marriage, and every combination should be supported to help it succeed as a marriage.

We need each marriage to be two people who love and who care for each other and who support each other and who each commit and vow to help their marriage be a win-win situation for each person, with no expiration date on the commitment and no limitation on the configurations that we can create.

We have a set of alignment triggers as the Institute for InterGroup Understanding that work to bring groups of people together in well-functioning ways, and we need all of those alignment triggers to be used by each marriage to enhance their levels of success as well.

We should be good students of who we are and of the various sets of instincts that we trigger inherently with our very clear and obvious biological realities that exist for each of us, and we should accept, appreciate, understand, and support each of those biological and instinctive packages with grace, understanding, competent responses, and very intentional approaches that are accurate and effective ways of dealing with these issues.

Biological gender clearly creates some patterns of behavior that we can see in our social media realities at multiple levels today, and in the purely physical functions that steer us into clear patterns that we should appreciate and understand to optimize our lives and our interactions with each other.

This particular thought piece has looked at appreciating and understanding instinctive behaviors for each sex, and it looks at the internet and social media content available to us today that has some obvious content alignment by gender and sex, and recognizes that there are learnings from that data set that are incorporated into this set of counsel and advice that includes our full set of genders and with the cultural realities that we have for families and marriages today in our modern world of internet and social media interaction at many levels.

We know that both genders have sexual interests and activities — and we can understand and we know that the patterns of some activities seem to be a bit different in many settings based on both gender, biological sex, and functional realities for the communities and cultures we live in today, and those patterns that we can discern and perceive all tell us things that we need to understand and use in our lives today to give us a peaceful world and success as people together and aligned with our best values.

Some obvious patterns that exist by sex that have social media and societal impact that we should look at, appreciate, understand, and work with in putting together our societies and settings going forward.

Men have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

Women also have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

There are some obvious macro patterns for men that we should understand going forward with our lives.

Men have a biological history of having significant and sometimes intense sexual interests at puberty, and every culture has its way of dealing with those factors and with that reality that exists in our species for younger men.

We can see from obvious patterns of behavior that many young men have intense focus and high energy levels directed at sexual issues and that drives their thinking, behaviors, and interactions with other people and with the community and context they live and we know that their cultures and our communities need to address the behaviors that channel those energies and drives in ways that help the group survive over time and that can create good lives for members of the group in the world we live in today.

The normal pattern that we have has young men in most settings to have a strong interest in various levels of sexual activity and contact — and many young men tend to be highly motivated to have that activity and to have those experiences as part of their lives.

For some young men and settings, that particular motivation creates behaviors and energy levels that cultures need to channel in ways that help each group succeed and survive and to prevent disruptive behavior for the social settings when judgement issues can be challenged and even impaired by the sexual priorities and activities of the men.

Men under the influence of sexual activation can do sometimes stupid, unfortunate, wrong, and even damaging things with those thoughts and energies in gear — and our communities, groups, and cultures all tend to have developed various ways of channeling that energy to less damaging types and levels of activity for those men to get them to adulthood with the best chance of success beyond that point with effective patterns of adult behavior.

A candid and open discussion of those interests and instincts requires honest discussion and sufficient disclosure relative to those thought processes and behaviors by both genders is every setting. We can’t steer clearly to guidance and understanding about future levels of sexual activity for our communities and settings if we don’t factor that interest and that level of energy into the discussions in accurate and honest ways and then understand how we should deal with those instincts and energies now in the context of the cultures we create and live in today.

Most cultures that we can see in those hunter-gatherer settings addressed those issues very directly, and we know that a number of cultures decided to even limit sexual activity only to the family setting for those men.

Sex in any other setting was against the law for both men and women in many cultures, and young men who wanted to have sex in those basic communities dealt with the rule set for many cultures was that men needed to be married and needed to have a wife in order to have that sexual contact and the rule set was that sexual activity was only supposed to happen for those men in the context of that relationship and with their spouse.

Each of our cultures has tried to set the expectations for sexual behavior in their settings and some of the rules and laws we see as expectations for sexual behavior today are the result of those realities.

Several sets of instinctive behaviors are actually activated, triggered, and guided by that set of sexual interests and motivations in each community and setting and we have those realities steering us today.

Marriage, as a legal structure and process, has long given men in every setting and culture the logistical and intellectual confidence and assurances that they were more likely to be the actual biological parent of the children in their family than any other male in the community because only marriage had the woman and the man with sex as a key interaction in their lives and they were married to the mother of their children.

The issue of accurate parentage for the family is actually still a key factor in our cultural rule set for many settings and countries and it still gets a high level of energy and interest and relevance in too many countries for each family where children exist and where parents are part of the process.

Women always know for a fact which child they gave birth to, but we people in any setting before DNA tests were available could not always tell, determine, or know absolutely who was the actual father of any particular child.

Men have stayed with families over time in many settings because the men believed that the children in that setting came from their lineage, and the very restrictive rules and the very strict requirements about women’s behavior that still exist in many cultures today helped create and reinforce that belief and those behavior restrictions for women can make men feel more comfortable about making the commitment to support the relationships they're in.

That biological and functional reality about uncertain parentage for children relative to the father of each child has caused many cultures to set up very strict rules about each woman's contact with other men to make sure that each man in those marriages is protecting and feeding only his own children.

Some cultures have set up extremely negative and highly controlling functions for women for that area, and those cultures sometimes do cruel and damaging things to women to enforce those rules.

Some cultures expel women from the culture or setting if they believe that the woman might have violated some of those strict behavior and interaction rules and some severely punish the women.

Women are being killed today in some settings of our world if their family believes that some kind of violation of the sanctity of the isolation has occurred for the woman.

Even today, we have many thousands of “honor killings” happening in several countries and cultures where the brothers or other family members actually stone and kill girls who spent any time in any setting or situation with another man that they believed possibly meant that her “honor” might have been impaired.

The possibility of a mistake in that area of absolute functional security on the honor issue for women is enough to get many girls killed today. That's a horrible situation, and we should do what we can to not support or encourage that behavior in the many places where it still happens.

We need to not allow women to be damaged by those sets of expectations and rules in those other settings when we have any influence on those realities in those areas.

We need to not do sexual abuse in our own settings as well.

We need to have our own gender-related negative behavior channeled in good directions. We need to have actual sexual abuse in our country reduced to low levels and we need our work settings to be functionally intolerant of damaging behavior that hurt women in wide range of ways.

We Made Some Progress Under The Pressure And Inspiration  Of The Me Too Movement

We actually have made significant progress in our country on several gender-related abuse issues in those areas in the last couple of years as the result of the Me Too movement that made women in many of our settings less accepting of some negative and inappropriate behaviors that were ignored for many years in many settings, and we have created a significantly better level of expectations relative to a wide range of negative sexual behavior and interactions in many of our settings as the result of that awareness.

We created a wide range of Me Too stories on the internet and we did see some behavior improvements in some settings as a result of those stories.

Some of the Me Too insights and expectations are becoming a new standard shared by women in many settings, and that expectation and standard is almost entirely fed by people with those perceptions and beliefs who express their opinions and their responses to sexual activity and behaviors in various internet venues and approaches, and that pattern of responses has been very enlightening and has created some new levels of responses and expectations that now seem to be the new normal for thinking on a number of gender- and sex-related issues in a number of settings.

Some of the old normal responses before the Me Too context entered the scene were consistently abusive and no one was aware that was true.

We're now evolving into the next set of expectations, and each setting will evolve its own rule set and acceptable patterns and incidents of behavior. That process will take some time and it's happening now for some settings with various situations and instances of negative behavior.

We might've been on the cusp of a possible golden age in some settings for some levels of gender-related enlightenment.

We have the opportunity right now for intellectual growth, wisdom, and learning in those areas, and we could be headed for a gender-related set of behavioral expectations that involve expectations about both respectful and consensual behavior that haven't been part of our culture or history until now.

Many people are ready to learn on sexual issues.

We're probably not likely to make much progress right now on the respectful behavior issues, but we should make major progress now on the issue of consensual behavior for sexual interactions.

We need to create a new interaction standard of consensual sexual interactions where people accept that nonconsensual sex is absolutely wrong and that no one from any gender should be forced into sexual activity.

To make that happen, we need to be very honest, insightful, and wise relative to our own expectations about sexual behavior and activities today and we should try to add our insights on those issues into the tool kits that we're building for marriages and relationships.

We need a wide range of sexual interactions to be available to people and we need people in consensual relationships to be able to use the internet and get access to the sexual toys and tools that will enhance their lives and interactions with each other.

We shouldn't have people outside the relationship in any level of judgement about those tools and toys, and each couple should be steering their own ship about what's sexually appropriate for them.

There should, however, definitely be one set of rules and expectations embedded in the process and that's the rule and edict and understanding that "No" means No.

"No" Means No

"No" means no.

That should be the basic underlying rule for the sexual process.

The sex has to be completely consensual to happen.

In a marriage or relationship, any set of consensual interactions is possible for people who agree and consent — and saying "no" means that it's not consensual and means that it should not happen.

No should always be the reality, and no should be the result when either party says no.

Life much easier when that's an absolute rule.

Couples can have a wide range of communications that guide their behaviors and can learn what their interaction options are from those communications, and they're all overpowered when either party very clearly says "no."

No wins every time.

Consensual sex should be our goal and expectation.

All sex should have that as a goal. We know that we haven't achieved that goal of being consensual if either party says "no."

Each couple deals with each "no" in the setting where it happens and deals with it as an absolute decision on the subject of the "no."

We do need to figure out for each marriage and each situation how to optimize the electronic tools and support systems available on the web, because we're blessed with an amazing tool kit and should have it enhance our lives.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) Should Support And Enhance Marriage

AI should build tools to enhance our lives.

We need to ask our AI tools how to build successful marriages with the linkage tools available on the web.

There’s a lot of sex-related information on the web, and the new AI tool kit is going to make that information more effective and useful than it's been in the past.

The internet and the new AI tool kits have made pornography and extensive sexual imagery of various kinds easily available to anyone and everyone and we need to understand some of the risks and opportunities we face now on sexual behaviors and issues with that flow of sexual imagery constantly and easily in play.

There are serious risks for some behaviors that weren't areas of risk for us in the past, because we will have some members of our community who choose to enter into sexual relationships with tools available now on the web.

We're could have a real problem for some real people with the new sets of systems that are skillfully and cleverly designed to create sexual alignment for people with computers — and we'll be seeing some new levels and even some new forms of addiction for some people for some products and some behaviors created by the new AI machines and their vendors.

We're increasingly vulnerable to the new AI sex tools and toys and also to the new efforts to link men with and to very well-constructed and emotionally persuasive electronic girlfriends and even to actual physical sex-toy beautiful robots that are full size and are created to be amazingly competent and even slightly frightening as potential sex replacement tools for some people as their primary sex encounter with the world.

Those products are being produced and sold and they're being continuously improved by the vendors who created them and who are actively selling them.

Vendors and creators of those products and systems are the new threat to our sexual behavior levels and they're definitely doing real things in highly motivated ways to get our money by getting people addicted sexually to their products and services.

There are a number of robot vendors in a couple of countries today who are producing full-size sex robots as the possible next generation and next level sex encounter with the world for a number of men, and those companies are now selling some beautiful, seductive and intentionally personally responsive robots to men and steering those men to believe that they're the right thing to buy to respond to the sexual urges that are built into the male portion of our gender alignments and opportunities as their next sexual agenda of choice for their lives.

That entire set of tools and toys is, today, an increasing threat at an extremely attractive and psychologically seductive alternative way for some men of having their sexual needs met going forward — and that choice by some men is going to be a reality that we'll need to respond to and address for the world we're going into today on sexual issues and functional opportunities because it's happening and it's growing as an option and threat.

We've now entered into an entirely new world on several of our sexual realities and on the impact they might have on some of our people.

That's an extremely different world than the world we have lived in up to now, and we're just at the cusp of that world in a number of important and highly relevant aspects of our sexual lives for a number of the men who live in our world today.

Sex robots are now nearing the status today and now of becoming pretend actual spouses for some number of men in Japan who currently have a very low likelihood of attracting actual biological women in some of their settings, and who can now custom build extremely beautiful fake women who look very real and who are sexually active in mechanically effective and skilled ways and are targeted to be the spouse equivalent for a number of Japanese men.

We don’t want that approach to sex to be the pathways for any number of people now and here in our own country for the foreseeable future.

We clearly don’t want men or women in America to choose those kinds of sex toys as their most highly used and standard sex instinct destination and sex venue and tool here at this point in our history as a country or even at any point in the foreseeable future.

We need to very intentionally and effectively steer ourselves to real men and to real women for our foundational relationships here, and we should do that in well-intentioned, well-designed, well-conceived, and well-implemented sets of sexual interactions that can meet the needs of both men and women for that important part of their lives and create a culture of success in all of those areas.

We need to do everything we can to optimize actual relationships with human men and human women in our country today and we need to make those relationships as solid and attractive as we can make them with real people anchoring the process today.

We know that Instagram and its various clone and equivalent purchasing mechanisms now sells artificial sex toys and AI sexual companions that are extremely effectively designed to meet some of the sexual instincts and perceived needs of both men and women in our society today, and we should decide instead that we want that core and anchor part of our lives and our communities to be based on real people interacting with one another in effective and positive ways and feeling good about the situations we're creating with each other as real people in those relationships and settings.

Men and women are facing different sets of issues and products in the sex market today, and we need to deal with those issues in ways that meet the needs of real people in positive and successful ways.

We need to understand what happens as patterns for much of that behavior for each gender in order to have the broadest levels of success.

Men tend to be, on average, much more visual in the activation of the core sets of sex related instincts.

Men will continue to be instinctively triggered to explicit and direct visual sexual stimulation because that’s wired into male brains and male perceptions, and there’s no reason not to deal with that in the most appropriate, useful, and respectful ways without saying that it’s wrong or inappropriate to have those visual triggers as part of who we are and part of our life experience.

Both sexes are wired to be highly visual in their sexual interests.

That interest should be addressed in ways that create visual pleasure and that also very carefully violate no privacy issues for the relevant people and settings of our lives, and that do give people opportunities to engage in visual sharing in positive and effective ways when that's appropriate to the relationship that exists for the couple.

We need to learn and teach how to share sexual visual context with each other in supportive and loving ways and we should begin that process with high levels of goodwill because it's intended to be good for everyone involved — and it's intended to build win-win interactions into the lives of married couples in a highly trusted set of interactions that are part of our commitment to each other to make our marriages succeed.

We should each have an openness to discover what our wiring tells us are the right visual content for our happiness and our lives with the person we love and have as our spouse in the real world, and we need to do that with clear best intentions because we want to build friendships and positive interactions into those processes.

We need couples who are committed explicitly to being friends in the best and most loyal and insightful and mutually rewarding and mutually beneficial ways with whomever they each marry.

Friends trust each other, friends do good things for each other, and friends are happy when their friend is also happy — and far too many marriages don't include being friends in their set of things that they should be and do.

There's nothing wrong with deciding to make commitments to each other in those marital interactions to be friends who end up with goodwill and joy being built into the package together as a core expectation of the process.

Many people have very different sets of ideas for what their marriages and relationships should involve, and that’s absolutely a good thing because it would be a very good thing if we avoided being clones on those issues. There are many pathways to marital success, and we should each find the pathway that works best for our lives, and we should look for other people in successful marriages and learn from what they're doing.

You can go far down that road by actually liking your spouse and by agreeing together to create win-win lives for each other.

People need to talk about those issues, and talking can be safer and easier when people look each other in the eye and say that they want to work together to get to the fun and best places together.

Goodwill and good hearts can get people a long way down that road — and people being loved, appreciated, trusted, and committed to doing things together that feel right when they're done — and to stop doing things when the person they love also needs that to be what needs to be done and says that as a loving spouse to the other person.

The advice in this particular piece comes from a particular perspective that fits together in a pattern and a way that's been successful for some people, and it is offered here as a thought piece that might be useful if you want to give parts of it or all of it a shot at this point in your life.

People who are in long-existing marriages can read this material and think about the content and advice, and then figure out in direct and clear conversation with one another how many pieces and parts of this advice might work for them and then make the decision as a loving couple to go down that path either at this point in time or at some future time that might work well for their lives and could be scheduled in a directional way now as part of the conversation about these approaches and ideas.

The beauty and the joy of marriage is that you're in one and the two of you have every reason to do good things to make your lives better together because when you make that decision, it's what you've decided, and you can very often actually do it because the marriage gives you a special status that no other relationship can actually give for those kinds of joint actions, beliefs, commitments, and interactions with each other.

Recognize that you live in an internet embedded and connected world, and you should both learn from the internet and both use it to succeed in doing the things you want to do now with yourself and with each other.

We have a wide range of political and societal topics and issues that we interact with on the internet in the various venues and podcast approaches, and this set of discussions fits into that macro agenda and universe of interactions.

The internet is a reality and a tool, and we should use that tool kit in the most civilized, equitable, and respectful ways for our marriages and personal relationships as well, because we need to figure out the best ways of both learning and behaving at multiple levels in our lives.

We and the world should all be extremely and intentionally consensual at every level in our interactions with each other as part of this process.

We should clearly have consensual and voluntary visual relevance to be part of the next wave of expectations and interactions we need to address and deal with in our web-related information sharing for this next generation of sexual instinct activation and marital commitment strategies and behaviors.

Connubial Bliss Is A Good Thing

It’s possible to also even add a theological layer to the process to increase our thinking about instinctive behavior into adding some thoughts about why this whole set of opportunities exists for us in our world today and why it sometimes seems to be a gift from God.

The Swedish Lutheran mystic and theologian Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about the clear and intentional blessings of God and from God in our lives in his thought pieces, essays, sermons, and books. Swedenburg believed that having sexual relations in the context of marriage was one of the very best blessings of existence and he said it's one of the very best gifts we get from a loving God because it can be so wonderful when it's done well and because it's a very good thing for a marriage when sexual interactions are mutually enjoyed by a loving couple and when they achieve what Swedenborg described as Connubial Bliss for their marriage.

Swedenborg strongly believed in marriage in a very Lutheran and Christian way, and he believed that we each should be married and that we should learn to each find and achieve and enjoy what he labelled as mutual connubial bliss in that relationship.

He believed that we should enjoy the entire array of those marital activities that exist in sexual interactions, and he basically thanked God for the opportunity to have sex and for the chance to have marriage related bliss be part of our lives.

Achieving that goal of functional bliss makes some sense from a practical perspective for our entire communities and our cultures because marriage has a major functional role in our lives and because we're all creatures of our cultures, and because marriage is actually the preferred route to family organization and to family interaction processes for most cultures on the planet today.

It's probably true that we actually will live in a better world if we have people married to each other who like and trust each other, and who work to make themselves successful in their marriages and their lives by very intentionally making win-win outcomes part of their values and the mind set they create together.

We can and should have some process improvement opportunities that we can create for that goal and that agenda.

MAKE THE RIGHT THING EASY TO DO

'Making the right thing easy to do' is probably the most effective mantra that exists as a tool in the process improvement world for business, education, and health care production and processes.

It’s a simple process.

When you're in an environment, then you first determine what the right thing is and then you carefully figure out how to make it easy to do and if you follow those steps then your chance of succeeding with that process increases exponentially.

We need to apply that thinking to marriages, and we need to both figure out the right thing for each situation and then determine how to make it easy to do — and we'll have many successful marriages if that becomes our pattern of behavior for each marriage and if we commit to make it happen.

There's an opportunity we have with marriages to have them be a highly useful and beneficial way for us to organize major parts of our lives in a mutually supportive way for all of us today who want to go down that trajectory and trail and who commit to doing it together as a marriage and a team.

Far too many people don’t understand, think about, or consider the opportunity that is and can be presented to them by marriage in their lives.

Many people get married but don’t think in intentional ways about what they've done — and people with that context too often overlook the opportunity to make that marriage an effective and useful anchor function and a working context and process for organizing and even optimizing our lives.

We might want to make that use of marriage a goal, a strategy, and a context for improving our own lives.

We can and should make that decision as communities to have successful marriages and to make that success happen in intentional ways.

We should decide in that context to have each married couple working with themselves in very structured and highly skillful ways to optimize key aspects of that relationship in well considered, extremely intentional, highly skillful, and deeply loving ways.

Married couples should each have their own internal strategy and their own awareness on those issues and each couple should be very honest with themselves and with each other about what aspects of their marriage can support that process and what they can each do to reinforce each other to make their marriage a success.

Sex can be an extremely good tool for that reinforcement process.

We know that sex is a foundational component and key activity within marriage and we know that sex can be an anchor behavior for creating connubial bliss because bliss is a good thing to achieve and basically do and there are almost no things that can do as well as sex to make that happen, so we should be very intentional in using sex to achieve that goal.

As we look at sexual activity and at our related instinctive behaviors, it’s clear that we should be completely and absolutely consensual in our interactions as an anchor for the whole process.

As a basic belief and commitment, we should avoid any nonconsensual sexual behaviors and we shouldn't support coercive sexual activities with the other people in our various settings in the sexual components of our world that exist for those people.

We should all be entitled to relevant and appropriate privacy as well.

Privacy issues are extremely important and relevant to us in the internet age when everyone is connected to everyone else and the connections are extensive and constant and sharing information in wrong ways if far too easy to do.

We need to respect and protect privacy for all parties as part of our process and internet agenda.

We need ethical and respectful use of visual information.

We shouldn't have anyone on the internet sending or sharing visual information that was stolen or that was taken from any private sources without the approval of the person being portrayed in the piece and the information.

We should each be respectful of that information and we shouldn't encourage or support invasive, coercive, or nonconsensual sharing of that kind of information in any setting by ourselves or the people in our community who we will be linked to at many levels in the world we are in today.

In the context of aspirational Connubial Bliss, each couple can and should set their own standards for the visual availability of images of the world and of each other and each couple should work out the rule sets and standards that work for each relationship for viewing information and sharing activity and we should understand and appreciate the joy and beauty of visual images that fall into those clear instinctive awarenesses and guidance and are appropriately shared.

We need to support marriages electronically in every way that makes sense.

That approach is obviously not flowing against the current of internet use for a wide range of activities because we should be able to use internet information and images to help each marriage create its own visual world and to have each marriage anchored in its own approach and visual direction.

Selfies Are Effective to Create and Share

Sharing sexual images electronically with each other is obviously not a new direction for us at any level and we should do it well in this setting.

For couples interacting with themselves, sharing sexual images of themselves in various levels of “selfies” is often one of the most appreciated and effective sexual activities and behaviors, and it's rated highly by millions as a positive and effective thing to do.

People in a marriage or relationship have been attracted physically and visually with each other or the relationship would probably not exist, and sending selfies to each other in that context has a high likelihood of being an appreciated event or behavior.

Couples tend to figure out sexual visual sharing that works for them, and every marriage should figure out the visual tool kit that's most useful for the marital setting.

We know that the electronic sharing of sexual information is obviously happening on a major level in our society and culture because the highest volume use of the internet since it was created has been pornography.

The highest volume of use for the internet today actually is sexual images.

Pornography is a massive industry and it needs to be understood and used in ways that make lives better and more effective as lives and take advantage of the instinct triggering perceptions and behaviors that support our lives.

There are many levels of pornography that use sexual visual information as a core component for their processes and information and those sites that do pornography of various kinds make up a major component of volume on the web.

Pornography can sometimes create problems for people who have it distract them from other instinctive visual components of the internet and tools and have it occupy a disproportional amount of their time.

It’s a mixed blessing as a tool, because it can be a legitimate source of visual sexual information for some people, but an obsessive, negative, and distracting tool for many others.

Unfortunately, we've reached the point where too many people have actually become addicted to using it.

People in some communities, cultures, and settings are currently facing massive problems with pornography addiction that's particularly a focus and function for some of the men in their communities.

Many people in many of our own settings are worried that some of our younger men, in particular, now have become derailed on some of their sexual interactions with the world into dangerous and damaging volumes of visual interactions and into major content problems with their pornographic connections that can do damaging things to some people when they follow damaging trajectories and have that occupy significant amounts of their time.

We have a vast social media interchange going on today in the world on many topics, and that actually gives us a chance to see and understand some of the problems, behaviors, and interactions that are happening today with many people on those issues, and that broader view now tells us that pornography is currently a problem for some number of users and it's now damaging some lives and keeping some interactions from happening.

The people who write and speak and opine in the social media channels and venues about the content issues and themes that are major channels on the current internet pornography reality tell us that there are multiple sites are run today by people who are trying for large numbers of addicted followers and that feature abuse of the women in various ways that create a new pattern and expectation for many of our younger men who haven’t been experiencing any of those negative interactions in their own lives about what sexual interactions with women should include and should involve in the real world today.

The men who've been lured into those sites and who are becoming addicted to negative and abusive behavior patterns in their porn too often don’t have healthy levels of interaction with actual women in their lives — and they're not only unhappy at multiple levels or in good mental and emotional positions to engage in positive ways with real women at other levels in their own world.

Some women who are writing thought pieces on social media sites today say that many men who've been watching those levels of negative and damaging porn have been steered by the process that runs porn in negative directions and now large numbers of those men expect subordinated and even obedient behaviors from the women in their lives that are very different than previous interactions with men and expected for many of those women — and some women on the internet say that some of the men with that stream of information from that set of porn sites as a major part of their sexual visual information now have negative expectations about actual behavior for men and women. They have behavior patterns and expectations and interact in ways that won't help those men move to healthier and more effective encounters and mutually supportive lives when they interact with real women in their settings.

We have both choices and opportunities in front of us.

We need to become much more enlightened in our use of sexual imagery and we need couples in marriages and relationships to steer their viewing and their choice of porn sites to gentler and more romantic visual content because there’s a wide range of viewings that appreciate and enjoy beautiful and naked women that result in the subsequent actual sexual content that's supportive of actual sexual tone and the content that the couple would like to create.

Sexual attire has a wide range of options, and we could be well served by having some exotic and lovely apparel choices actually available for online purchase as part of the visual process. Some of the money now going to OnlyFans could buy exotic clothing for wives instead of bonuses for vendors.

We need to improve that flow of visual information and we need to have it reinforce better relationships and create positive visual experiences for both women and men that make marriages more successful.

Pornography is going to be part of our sexual experience for multiple reasons, so we should make choices and decide to steer those links away from the hostile and abusive images and practices into more positive celebrations of the best features of visual sexuality.

People need pornography venues and channels that encourage positive sexual interactions rather than abusive and damaging behavior. Couples should figure out their own sets of visual contact with each other that celebrate each other and provide visual stimulation that makes relationships broader in their visual interactions and information flow.

We need to use those tools as couples to make marital sexual interactions continuously better, and we need to make the right links with each other to enjoy each other in an array of ways that are enhanced by electronic sexual exchanges.

Sex can be such a wonderful thing. It can be so good for both parties involved at multiple levels.

We need to steer better in some areas. It's sad and unfortunate that too many young men today have only links to pornography and many only have a distorted and incomplete and highly unsatisfactory perception of what sex can and could be for them in their actual lives.

The internet now  tells us that a very high percentage of the young men are depressed and that more than a third of the youngest adult men are now saying that they don't intend to ever marry because they don’t want that to be their path for their lives.

We need young men to hear, know, and believe how good a good marriage can be and then do things to make that real.

Marriage can be so very good that it's extremely sad that we don’t have growing numbers of men who aren't planning or willing to go down that path and who never will have that blessing in their lives.

So, what do we need to do to make our future less grim for all of us?

We should point to the 'good' marriages as an example for young men to look at and see that marriage can be a good path to follow, so we should make those marriages as visible as we can make them.

We need to figure out how to get married couples to use visual images with each other on the internet to enhance their own relationships and somehow blend gentle porn into current contacts.

We need some grounding on a couple of key sexual issues that aren't understood by large numbers of people.

An extremely important point that most people don't know is that most men today love the body of the woman they're with.

Most Men Today Love The Body Of The Woman They're With

Within relationships, enjoying the appearance and feel of one's wife's body seems to be a fairly powerful and extremely consistent instinctive behavior that many men obviously build into their lives when that is possible to do.

Women often don't know how much the men they're with appreciate the look and feel of their body. They often don't know that to be true.

Many women online or in other settings who write about men don't seem to have a clue that that's true or that is even possibly true, but the number of men who are pleased and even delighted by the body of their spouse and woman is significant and it's often a source of good morale and personal joy for men when actual visual sharing of some kind happens with their spouse who they love and who loves them, or they probably wouldn't be married to them today.

Women do wonder and speculate in a number of conversations and settings about how their man is judging their body and their appearance, and the absolute reality we know from the men's postings online is that for more than 90 percent of men is that they love the body and they particularly love the breasts and they appreciate the bosom of the woman they're with.

Men love boobs.

It’s an instinctive behavior.

And very real.

We know that's true because 90 million married men in America this year will pay OnlyFans, as a business, millions of dollars just to see the breasts on a real woman who's directly interacting with them in a personal and direct way.

The women on OnlyFans who interact with the men in the context of the site make it clear that they're happy to have that direct interaction. Some of those interactions generate thousands and tens of thousands of dollars for those women.

Some of the women have enough men to say they want that direct and personal connection to continue that they're making more than a million dollars a year for those communications.

Some combination of positive interactions happen, and men are willing to pay those prices.

Men pay for the OnlyFans testimonials and we know that many men are also deeply grateful for selfie pictures that they receive from their own woman that seem to parallel what they get from OnlyFans.

Many men on social media celebrate whenever they get bare selfie picture and links from their significant other.

Happy men with that connection are often extremely simple, pleased, and grateful for the selfies that happen.

That selfie from a significant other sometimes makes men very happy.

Women’s websites focus on beauty.

Women produce extensive website content featuring themselves creating layers of beauty.

Men don’t want beauty. They never mention beauty on their websites.

Men like bare skin from women in their lives.

And they very much appreciate beautiful women, but they clearly don’t find beauty to be worth pursuing online and celebrate most when the women they're looking at are some level of nude.

That isn’t a theory.

It probably isn’t politically correct in some way.

It is real.

We know from OnlyFans current volumes that 90 million men in America today will pay real money now in our world today to see a bosom on a woman if the woman is interacting directly in real time with them as a person when they look at that breast.

There are actually a lot of breasts in the world today and men usually don’t pay to see any of them outside of that setting with that interaction happening.

We know from OnlyFans that men will pay to see the naked breast of a woman who's interacting directly with them as they see it and we know that the men are willing to spend real money for that interaction and that breast.

The interaction with a woman who has the breast is the charm that triggers the cash from the men.

Most women in relationships severely underestimate and tend not to appreciate or understand how much their significant other enjoys and appreciates seeing and interacting with their breasts.

Men in relationships love seeing the breasts of their significant other.

OnlyFans succeeds and is a high-volume business because the women who do the OnlyFans connection have a direct interaction and a functional and real-time connection and a direct link with the man who's looking at her bosom and who's then paying her to bare it.

That link between the men and the women in the OnlyFans setting changes the context and turns that encounter into an actual sexual service and it's an actual sexual interaction that should count and qualify as a sexual activity for us as people when it happens.

Sexual interactions in the past were always physical and they usually involved direct contact. This nonphysical contact-free interaction is very real and direct and it creates a cognitive link for the man and the woman. It creates a new category of very real interaction between the people involved. A sexual service is performed and the man pays the woman directly in real time for that actual performance.

We now have a new and very real category of sexual service and functionality, and it creates a commercial relationship and a commercial transaction between the people involved in the process and the approach that creates a relationship between the two people at a direct level.

This process leads to new opportunities for transactions. We need to determine if that relationship creates a new set of transactional linkages and connections for the people involved, but is definitely a connection at a very direct and explicit level between those two people at a very personal level.

Eighty million of the OnlyFans customers are married.

Their spouse doesn't have any linkage to the transaction as it's currently performed, so they're not part of the relationship or the activity in any direct way.

Each marriage creates its own set of interactional realities, and the new OnlyFans connections with the men are something that each marriage must address on its own accord in the context of its own relationship.

One current Instagram joke has a woman discovering that her husband used the service and saying to him in the joke that she wasn’t angry that he had done the deed and made that link, but she was angry that she wasn’t aware that he was willing to pay to have that happen until now.

Relationships for 80 million married men might be changing for at least some of the men.

So what does that tell us about both men and women in their use of websites and the internet?

We need to think of our entire set of interactions in the context of internet realities that we look at for each set of issues and activities, and we can see a very different use of web tools by men and women.

Women have massive and constant use of the internet at several levels every day.

Beauty is what women primarily do with their sites.

Women in our culture all wear makeup and they wear it every day. It’s a hugely powerful cultural expectation for every American woman.

We can see from what women write on their sites that there’s almost zero likelihood that any women in this country today would go out in the world without makeup, and a couple of women offering information about themselves online said recently that they had been married for more than 30 years and they each got up very early every single day and their husbands had never ever seen them without makeup for their entire marriage.

Women interacting about make up context make it clear that makeup happens daily and is a commitment expected by almost millions online.

Men don't go down that path and websites for men go down multiple paths that don't include makeup for any men.

Some famous women share their layers of makeup with the world, and other women salute their choices.

The goal for that vast array of sites for women is beauty.

Beauty is the top priority for thousands of sites.

They show layers of makeup being applied in extremely skillful and almost magical ways, and they sell a ton of makeup for real money as an economic underpinning for the web.

Many of the sites say that they build beautiful women to attract alpha males — and some sites mention marriage as part of the overall agenda, and some of of those sites believe that top males will appreciate how lovely those women are and matrimony or some level of being financially supported for that beauty will happen. Some of the women’s sites for the absolutely most lovely women say that beauty deserves a flow of cash simply because it exists.

Most women's sites don’t have those expectations, but there's an extremely high level of competence and beauty for a large number of sites, and they make up the bulk of sites for women that we can see on the internet today.

Theres no equivalent set of men’s sites, but the men with extreme good looks do exist and they must fit into the social hierarchy of the country in some way.

The alpha men on the internet because of their power and wealth have their set of lists and surveys, and they expect to choose from the most beautiful women as they pursue their own agendas.

Those high-rated alpha men, when surveyed, said that when they choose a woman, they're most happy when their chosen alpha women seems to like them as a person rather than someone of importance.

They want to be seen and liked as a person.

That priority for the alpha males parallels the OnlyFans volume winners who also seem to have the women who choose them like them as people.

Women feature beauty on their websites.

They have a vast array of sites that show every level of cosmetic interaction and perfection, and some of the sites do makeovers for women that are almost magical in how many layers it takes and how wonderful and beautiful the women are when the makeover is done.

The women’s sites often say that one of the reasons for their existence is to create absolutely beautiful women and potentially attract alpha males who might select an alpha woman as a spouse or mate, which is the ultimate victory for some of the sites and for the women who participate in them.

Some of the sites create stunningly lovely and beautiful women, and they say in their context information that those women will now be able to choose between the alpha males in their lives, and that their beauty means that they're entitled to that role with those men and to have that choice available to them.

A couple of sites have said that the beautiful woman that they feature are so magnificent that the world actually owes them a living, and more than one site has said that if the world was as good and right as it should be, those women would have a lifetime living and a permanent income just for being as magnificent and lovely as they currently are.

It's entirely possible that men and women in relationships can identify what visuals relating to beauty might have the most positive impact on men for the women they love.

Those purely cosmetic sites we see for the alpha women tend not to have any actual nudity, but the women wear extremely sexy and attractive clothes, and anyone interested in sexual visual pleasure and sexual impact can see beauty and highly desirable people on those sites and aspire to some equivalent of nudity as an achievement at some level in the process.

Billions of dollars are spent on beauty in the women’s sites with major and massive women’s audiences that have almost no male viewers.

The overlap between all of the pure beauty sites and todays set of relationship choices for men seems to be the OnlyFans service that has less than 5 million women luring more than 90 million men paying real women to see their breasts and interact in real time.

WE NOW HAVE GROWING NUMBERS OF DIRECT SEXUAL CONTACTS AND PERSONAL INTERACTIONS THAT HAPPEN ONLY ON THE INTERNET

We now have a large number of internet-based sexual interactions that are happening between men and women that didn’t exist in our world until the newest set of direct and personal sexual interactions have been added to the web content process and those new interactions have now become part of the business model of the internet and they involve many millions of people on an ongoing basis that will continue to grow.

We did not see this coming.

Millions of people are actually doing consensual, direct, and personal visual sharing of sexual information with each other through internet connections and that new direct sexual connection is very real, very direct, very personal, very immediate, and it is very and completely electronic.

We now have a process that allow people to share sexual images and to show and see behaviors in purely electronic ways that are highly visual and inherently, extremely personal because they link actual people with other people in very direct and personal ways and do it for money that's paid by people to the other person in order to have the contact and sexual experience happen.

Men and women now use the internet to share sexual images very directly in a personal way with each other, and that sharing process for those images has become a large and growing business because millions of men are willing to pay women today in order to have that sharing happen and the number of men willing to pay is growing steadily.

The men who pay are creating direct and personal internet contact with the involved women with those instincts obviously activated and millions of men are now paying women for some levels of sexual visibility and for some levels of dialogue and communication on sexual issues that happen only through electronic connections and electronic interactions and used to happen only in real life when that service didn't exist.

Ninety million American men are currently purchasing those direct sexual interactions with the women who decide to sell those services, and it appears that about 80 million of those men who pay for that visual information and for those connections with those women today in our country are married.

A significantly smaller number of women are selling those services to the men. About 5 million women are signed up now with the OnlyFans process to offer and interact with the full set of contacts and relationships that cause them to show their naked bodies on camera to men and to sell those visual images to the men, and about 2 million of those women have significant and growing numbers of customers for their sites and generate actual steams of cash for doing it.

Most of the women who provide those views of their bodies to the men make less than $10,000 a year on the service, and about 16,000 of those women will make more than $50,000 each making those sales to their male customers this year.

A few women make a significant amount of money with those views.

Three hundred of the women on OnlyFans as a service currently make more than $1 million each for those views.

A million dollars can clearly be a significant and game-changing cash flow for the people who receive it, and some of those 300 women probably have significantly different lives than they would have without that opportunity to make and get that money.

When we look at our various packages of instinctive behavior, one of our instincts we have for the entire population for both genders is to build resources and to accumulate various levels of wealth — so the woman side of that financial model as it exists today fits easily into that instinctive behavior packages we have for wealth acquisition and for basic resource building for those women.

It's more than just cash. It’s immediate cash.

The business model is set up to get the money fairly quickly to the women, and we know that many women in our country have both lower income levels and various levels of financial need — and it’s probably true that many women have various family financial expenses that can make that $10,000 in immediate cash paid directly to them highly relevant to their lives.

This business tells us some useful information about what men value sexually and value more personally in their lives.

It isn’t just a financial transaction.

It’s an interaction.

The model involves cash flow and it actually also very clearly creates a kind of direct sexual relationship for the people involved because it's paid on a very personal basis and it's paid directly from one person to another in exchange for that direct sexual encounter and it's only paid if there's a personal interaction for the woman with the buyer that involves actual communications as part of the deal.

The approach does trigger some pure sexual instinct activation reactions for the men that seem to be triggered by seeing the naked bosoms of the women and by paying the women for the privilege, the view and the direct interaction with the woman they are seeing.

What makes the payment approach different from other interactions in this area and makes it very different from classic pornography is that just having a view of the bosom isn’t enough to trigger the expense or payment for the men.

There's an extensive and large supply of naked bosoms already available in the pornography world, and men don’t spend much money for any of those views.

Pornography has an extensive supply of naked bosom photos and of nudity videos that are easily available to any viewer, and that isn’t what 90 million men are paying for with those memberships and views.

What makes this a sexual event instead of a sexual observation is that the OnlyFans business model is based on the fact that the men who buy the views actually  have a direct and functionally personal contact, relationship and interaction with the women they have on their screens in exchange for the money.

There's an interaction between the men and the women that makes those views functionally and technically a sexual event as well as a financial encounter.

Men pay only to see the bosoms of women they're interacting with at a personal level. Each woman on the service sets up her own visual content and view, and each woman then interacts very personally and directly with the men who pay for the view.

The quality and extent of that interaction with the woman creates the volume levels of the purchases — and some of the women in that process do those interactions with the men so well that some women actually can get men to pay millions of dollars to have those interactions with them happen in that space and setting.

The business model is set up to create a form of personal relationship at a direct level between the people making that transaction. It appears that the women who do a better job of convincing their customers to buy additional views and additional services tend to make more money than the ones without those interactions.

The official website for the business says that “they interact closely with their fans to build relationships and subscriber volume,” and the women have various levels of success and various streams of revenue based on the perceived quality of those interactions with their customer base who pay directly with their own money.

The business model has women who build up their own portfolio of views and the women get paid monthly for men who choose to add that portfolio and those future interactions to their views. There's some incentive and some motivation for the women with the OnlyFans links to add regularly to their portfolio of views and offerings in order to keep the men who sign up for them paying the dues that they charge and possibly buying more views in the process at future times in the process.

That's a highly direct business relationship for those services, because the money is paid to particular women and they're paid for the views and materials that those women make available to their customers.

Some women do that process and make those links with a high level of success. There are a few women who have tens of millions of dollars paid from their fans who sign up for the service — and those women clearly have figured out how to get men to spend that additional money with what they say and what they do with their site.

The product clearly isn’t just an extension of classic pornography because those views and the available videos in the pornography world currently aren't interactive and they don’t have feedback loops for their pornography processes.

This is also very different from more traditional sexual services that have been purchased for millennia in a number of ways in direct physical contact through what has often been called our oldest profession, because this new approach and service is entirely electronic and the people doing the services never touch the people they serve.

The most immediate and most physical sexual relationships we actually have now in our country are our in-person interactions with other people in our settings and world who sell their services as prostitutes and do it directly with their own body.

We also have always had some level of sexual encounters that involved payments in prostitution-linked cash flow processes, and those sex encounters with prostitutes and with various kinds of sex workers for hire and money have been illegal in most cultures around the world and tend to be illegal in our country now.

Prostitution and direct payment for sexual encounters has been perpetually illegal in this country, and that's true in most settings today. This process doesn’t change that legal status for those people in any way.

We have a range of sexual interactions with financial connections that includes various levels of prostitution as part of the package available to men.

It doesn’t look like the OnlyFans links lead often to prostitution, because there are rules in the system to keep that from happening directly from those links and there are laws against that particular way of paying for sex from a prostitute that are relevant, because the model we use with this service doesn't include any actual physical contact between the person who's selling the sexual service and the recipient of the service.

The overwhelming amount of actual sexual activity we have in the world now is direct and immediate for each situation and setting. We have sex directly with the people who are the sexual people in our lives, and we do that in a wide range of ways that fit our own lives and sexual interests and practices.

This is very different from all of those relationships and experiences because the people providing those services never physically touch the people they serve.

This is not another internet related flow of sexual information.

WOMEN’S SOCIAL MEDIA FOCUSES ON BEAUTY AND NOT SEX

We do have some women’s websites and social media outlets that feature information about the various sexuality and relationship issues that are relevant to us, and those sites for women tend to feature beauty rather than sexual contact as their themes and their content levels.

Beauty rules on those sites.

We worship beauty online as a culture and we have a vast array of websites that aim at creating beauty for their customers and fans that keep several web services full of customers.

The most successful sites have a steady stream of information about best practices for facial and cosmetic beauty, and they often have women start with bare faces on screen and then end up with magnificent and lovely women who know how to create beauty and who teach other women how to use those tools to achieve those goals.

Those beauty sites tend not to have any actual sexual encounters in their content or agenda, but they often do say in their pieces and commentaries that one of the primary reasons for women to become beautiful today is to attract and marry the right man.

Some sites say that just being beautiful is such a good and valuable accomplishment that there should be some financial reward and award for women when that highest level of beauty happens.

Both alpha men and alpha women get the attention of many sites.

Many of the alpha women, on those sites, seem to aspire to somehow link with alpha men as part of the overall beauty process and agenda.

What's easy to see from looking at those sites is that the sites don’t tend to rate or rank alpha men by their beauty, but rather by the other traditional alpha male measurements and scales that are part of the expectations that exist for men in our culture today.

Even the alpha male websites for heterosexual men seem to follow that pattern, and those men from the context of those sites say that they do very much want beautiful women in their lives, but what they want most from the beautiful women isn’t appreciation for male beauty, but appreciation for alpha men who achieve that status in various ways as men and who have lovely women who admire them as men for what they achieve.

A number of the current web pieces are fairly clear that appreciation is the scorecard used by those men to measure their own success with women.

The men often say they want to be with a beautiful alpha woman who actually likes them as a man, and some say that being liked by those women is the relevant and most important win for them because some also say that kind of personal and direct appreciation by a beautiful woman is a missing link for many of their lives.

That reality from the alpha men about who they choose is somewhat similar to the fairly obvious business model for OnlyFans, where the men who buy their service and who renew their contracts have been told by the women on their screen that the women like being with them in that link and the women say and indicate to the men that they appreciate having both the link and having it renewed.

Appreciation triggers cash flow for those OnlyFans links.

Today’s internet has rich veins of information flowing for both genders at high volume levels, and that flow of information is something we need to see, hear, and understand as we plan our future going forward to have our genders both having their own needs met and doing things that make their inter gender interactions positive, rewarding, successful, functional, and relevant to their lives and interactions with each other.

Misunderstandings are abound in that internet flow of information on gender related issues.

Men and women are not understanding what the other gender is thinking on a number of key issues, and we know that's true because both sets of people are clearly stating what they believe to be true on the web and there are some obvious misunderstandings happening in multiple directions on multiple levels on those issues.

As an example, some of the women's pundits and bloggers for Instagram and other relevant sites have written with some anger about how unfair they believe it is for women today to be held to a standard of beauty that includes an expectation for perpetual youth for our females — and multiple sites written by women as guides and mentors describe that belief and bemoan that measure and that belief.

The women say in their sites that they shouldn't be expected to be young forever, and the women writing those pieces believe that men actually want that perpetual youth in their women as men make their choices of women in today's world and the women who write those sites are angry about that expectation.

The truth is that most older men don't have that expectation, and it’s clear from multiple evidence points that many men prefer the bodies and the shapes of older women to those of teenage girls and extreme youth.

We know that to be true and it's verifiable because the pornography world has a rich array of magazines that show older women, and there are popular magazines that feature 50-year-old women (and even older women) for the men who find those ages most attractive and most desirable for their lives.

There’s a term called MILF that most men know and it’s a term of endearment and aspiration — and it's definitely not a sense that the women bloggers and pundits who write about men craving impossibly young girls are actually not describing something that's real and is a current challenge for women because it clearly isn’t true when we look at actual real men and what they say and do on those issues.

Older men celebrate some of the selfie photos that the women they love and who they're with today send them now because the men like what they see in their women and they're delighted to be able to see it.

Many men love the bodies of the women they're with and large numbers of men feel fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who likes and appreciates and actually respects them enough to have that kind of sexual encounter with them and who feel good as a woman to have that sharing with the men who love them in ways that create real pleasure for those men.

Women tend to seriously underestimate how much their men appreciate them and how extremely important it is to the men that their women shows in various ways that they're attracted to the man who is the man in their life and then does things of a sexual nature to help that man feel that attraction, appreciation, and support.

Even the alpha males on the internet scorecard most appreciate being appreciated by the highly attractive women who they manage to include in their lives, rather than adding up the total number of beautiful women in their lives, but actually only feel like winners if at least one beautiful woman somehow directly sees, knows, understands, and appreciates them.

The alpha guys want to be appreciated as their scorecard for rating alpha women, and the other men across the board for all men in most settings clearly want to be appreciated by their women as well, and men at all levels want to interact in loving and sexual ways with their woman and their wife as often as that can be made to happen in many settings and feel that their woman likes them and loves them and respects them for what they do in their lives and in their marriages.

Too many marriages don't have times when the people just take the time to stand back and remember how much they like their spouse, and then do win-win things with each other in very intentional ways with the context of their marriage for that process and opportunity.

We know from the internet that many women tend to look at beauty websites and aspire to be lovely. Men tend to look at beauty in their lives and aspire to be loved.

There’s huge potential for very good and positive outcomes that can spill out of linking those aspirations for both genders.

Couples should make time to have win-win interactions with one another.

Doing it with obvious friendship and with clear goodwill for each person in that marriage can creates anchor links and interactions that can make many people happy in their marriages.

About 80 million of the men who are paying for those OnlyFans links today are married. There’s a high chance that at least some of those men who are paying those dues to see the skin of those women now would be delighted with having bare skin visuals of their own spouse, rather than spending that money for that service and view from strangers.

There might be an easy solution and strategy that could be used for some of those marriages.

We could encourage many men to replace their OnlyFans dues with gift cards for wives.

When we look at that entire process and the internet gift market, we should probably figure out how to find ways for many of the married men of somehow changing direction and adding and replacing gift cards for their wives with the OnlyFans cash flow they have now and then having the married people function as friends and as allies and coconspirators in using some of that money for both people to buy sexy, exotic, and beautiful clothing for the wife in those settings.

There's a significant amount of very lovely, seductive, sexually attractive, and exciting apparel items for women available on Amazon and even on Instagram today, and men who can give gift cards to their wives and suggest that one of the good uses of that card would be extremely sexy and lovely items of clothing for the women that could be worn in the comfort of their marital home would probably be happy for a very long time with those items of clothing in their world.

Gift cards for wives are probably long overdue in many marriages, and they can be very effective as a romantic gesture for many relationships and as solid evidence of goodwill and good heartedness by the men giving the cards.

It’s hard to imagine any chain of circumstances that wouldn't be improved and enhanced by having men give gift cards to their wives.

That approach would be extremely easy to do right now if we use the same internet we use now for those other links and have it support romance and express appreciation for married couples and for targeted gifts with all of the opportunities that the web creates.

Instagram and Amazon both have a wide range of lovely apparel items today, and if the married couple is doing win-win thinking as they should be doing if they're structuring their marriages in effective ways, those gift cards to spouses from the husbands could replace some of those OnlyFans expenses in a very positive way and we could end up with a much better outcome for everyone who goes down those paths.

Gift cards could become a standard part of the marriage interaction, and that should happen when it makes sense as a way of getting the best use of family resources and making everyone aligned for those purposes.

The numbers on the current set of OnlyFans activities tell us that there are instinctive behaviors involved for both the men and the women because instincts are the only thing that steer behavior in every setting and 90 million settings are now in the link for those activities.

Carl Jung told us very insightfully, clearly, and accurately that when a human behavior is the same in every setting across the planet, that means that an instinct is involved.

We should think about making gift cards an instinctive reaction for more married people in our country, because they do fit an old hunter-gatherer process component for both men and women.

Men used to go hunting and would return to the hut, cave, or house with the results of the hunt. Giving gift cards to wives today with the new internet linkages can bring back some of those cycles of appreciation and achievement and could make everyone’s life better and support the marriage in the process, because that resource could be fun to do, extremely useful, and functionally relevant in some settings.

The gift cards don’t need to have any direct sexual link, but there are now a flood of sexually attractive clothing for sale on the web and the interests of men in seeing their sweethearts in sexually adorned and seductive ways combined with the women’s interest in actually being beautiful in the real world could be a winning combination for many marriages.

The product has an anchor of many customers, and they clearly are customers for reasons of sexual interest in the product and services.

Most women's websites on the internet and in the social media world for women don't seem to know that OnlyFans exists or that any part of that product exists and is relevant to significant numbers of men in America.

NINETY MILLION MEN PAID FOR DIRECT VIEWS OF REAL WOMEN

There are thousands of social media sites and linkage’s that are run and created by women that have many million viewers and millions of links, and those sites run by women in social media settings basically ignore the men’s interests and never mention the actual sets of instincts that are motivating those 90 million men or any mention or discussion of what men are actually creating as their own aspirations and their own approaches to the gender issues we face in our communities and settings.

We are not guessing.

We know that women very seldom mention or discuss those topics in their own web sites and social media links because the internet is overwhelmed with those sites produced by women and we know what those sites discuss and focus on. It’s a very public set of topics, and the OnlyFans topics and priorities and support levels tend to be completely and totally invisible in the sites run by women for women.

There's almost no hint on any of the social media outlets that have links to millions of women on the part of women that most women know how much those sets of instincts and aspirations affect the thinking and behavior of men.

A couple of women’s sites were recently critical of the OnlyFans product, and one of the pundits for one site was extremely critical of the process and she said it was very sad that American men had sunk so far in the sociological world that men were actually willing to buy their girlfriends now instead of going into relationships with real women.

Those critics misunderstood the point of the contacts that are embedded in that process. The women’s sites described the men as being so inept at personal relationships that they needed to rent girlfriends on the web rather that setting up girlfriend links to real women in the real world.

The point they missed in their criticism was that what triggered the money for the men in that service is the actual direct and personal interaction that happens with the women, and it's not buying and seeing a cardboard or static visual of an unclothed woman in exchange for the money.

The women in that service and business who interact with the men in ways that cause the men to want the interaction to continue are making the most money. Some of the women earn millions of dollars. Men receive live views of actual women and then interact with them in some way in the process.

That's not hard to do at home.

We know from the men’s internet sites that they often love seeing the unclothed body of their spouse or partner. Men celebrate getting those views.

Men often have very high morale and feel good about themselves when they get unclothed views of their spouse in their own lives.

That appreciation and joy from the husband or man is not a guaranteed or absolute reaction, but it’s clearly an overwhelming pattern for most men, and marriages that somehow achieve a number of those views often have men who feel good about themselves because they've been given those visual treats in their lives and really love getting them from women they like and love.

A high percentage of the men today aren't looking for the bodies of very young or even somewhat young women. Men tend to like the bodies of the women they're with.

There are printed magazines that feature MILF photos that do very well on sales, and some of those magazines specialize in women at the ages of 50 and even 60, and produce photos that clearly attract large numbers of men.

Most women don't know what MILF means and pretty much every man knows that it’s a compliment and it's aspirational for an older group of women.

The 'L' means Like. That’s extremely affirmative for older women.

"Cougar" is also a very well-known sexual category that extends beyond the teenage years for sexualizing women and identifying an aspirational group of women for men of all ages.

That's not known by all women.

Some of the women’s websites in social media say that the men have very unreasonable and unrealistic expectations about age, and that men today only want very young women as their targets for lust and for their sexual interactions, and those sites who make that statement about age are absolutely wrong in that belief for many millions of men.

Those websites that believe that men only want and are attracted only to younger women are wrong — and we need more women to understand how much their husbands and boyfriends like who they are and hope and aspire to having good sex and good interactions with the women they love.

Men are often very fond of the woman in their life — and the internet comments by women on social media settings seem to indicate that a very high percentage of women don't now know or understand the situation they're in and how fond their husbands and boyfriends are of them in their current form.

Men have a lot invested in their wives.

They want their wife to like and respect and support them as husbands and fathers and lovers — and men who believe they have happy wives tend to be happy men.

"Happy wife. Happy life."

Many men say that and believe it to be true.

The social media sites tell us that many women don’t believe that their husband is on their side and wanting them to do well and wanting them to be their sexual advocate and beneficiary, and that lack of belief on those topics can make marriages difficult and less likely to succeed.

We need couples to take quiet time to appreciate each other and to figure out how to make each other win in something that's good to do.

Today, 80 million men are paying someone else to get that kind of response and we don’t have to guess at that number because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s a very real number.

Eighty million married American men this month are paying money to OnlyFans to have those interactions with unclothed women, and the ages on those women available on the site give the customers choices that cross the age continuum that we have for our entire population.

So, if that's true, then what could we do better somehow to not have all of those married men spending money on that website that would be better spent at home on those women who are not their wives in ways that would strengthen the marriages we are trying to support today with our other advice and counsel.

Many marriages don't have that OnlyFans link.

Another 80 million marriages aren't paying money to OnlyFans.

Why is that true?

There's an extremely high likelihood that the large number of the current marriages that do not have a man today purchasing a naked view of other women today already have much better interactions and good understandings within their marriages and those marriages might have much better and much more often and even frequent visual experiences on sexual issues within the marriage that could make OnlyFans irrelevant for the majority of those people.

The internet currently tells us from multiple postings done over time by men in their web settings that many of the men who receive various kinds of sex-related selfie photos from their spouse or their marital partner today tend to be happy men who are pleased and sometimes delighted with their visual affirmations that they can and do now receive in various ways within their own marriage.

It also makes sense that many men who are buying that service would rather actually see the actual bosom in-person for their own domicile contact and from their actual cohabitant, rather than pay to see it electronically. through OnlyFans.

We have a wide variety of sexual behaviors and opportunities, and people who have figured out their own favorite sets of sexual things to do with each other and for each other don’t need to pay to see the bosom of a total stranger on the web.

We also might be making it more complicated than it needs to be for many settings.

Men are clearly often very simple creatures.

MEN ARE WIRED TO BE VISUAL

Male turkeys can be tricked into courting a female turkey that only exists as a silhouette if the decoy artist sets up the outline to have a clearly female set of tail feathers for the male turkey to see, recognize, and aspire to. The boy turkeys are clearly visual at an instinctive level for that part of the courting process — and it’s not hard to imagine what silhouette alternatives might trigger somewhat similar responses for more than a few men of our species.

Women are usually a bit less visual and many women with social media linkages say they don’t understand what the men aspire to or why they aspire to that vision and to that direct and explicit view of an actual undressed person in that process, and the likelihood of a woman paying to see the bare chest of a man is extremely low in any setting.

But women do post a ton of sexual and completely beautiful highly made-up fashion model photos, and that's a clear indication that the gender and sexuality topic is clearly included in the priorities of the process that's simultaneously highly sexual and non-sexual.

The businesses that sell the makeup and cosmetics to those sites also have extensive sets of clothing choices that can be extremely sexual in beautiful and seductive ways, and the very best use of that total resource is probably to keep both steams running and to have the husbands influencing some of the sales.

It’s hard to imagine that 90 million married women would pay to see any visual thing about each other or about their partners and about their couple key components, because that’s clearly not how most women are wired visually.

You can tell from the women’s websites that many women also don't have a sense that having their own body seen and having their own body appreciated in an direct and appropriate way by their husband or by their partner in their own home might actually have that visual appreciation by the relevant men in their lives be a positive and affirming thing for at least some of those women.

It’s even possible that having that explicit and direct visual information sharing happen could be a positive encounter within the marriage that could be relatively easy to accomplish if it felt like the right thing to do in the context of the relationship between the people involved in each setting agreed to it, and if the parties had an honest and non-judgmental conversation about what was happening and why they were doing what they were doing to create that outcome and visual reality for their marriage.

Women seem to tend to hugely and significantly underestimate in many purely heterosexual relationships how much their own husbands now actually love enjoy, and often actually appreciate visually perceiving and seeing the body of the woman who is their partner for connubial bliss — as the theologian wisely suggests us to think about our marriages — and that many of the wives might feel good about that outcome and that process.

Many men logically love and appreciate their own spouses and it seems only logical that at least some men would rather get some direct visual stimulation from their partner as an enjoyable experience in-person in the marriage, rather than pay someone to give them that basic visual impact and then receive that information and visual impact over the internet from a total stranger.

We should do a much better job in the context of our marriages telling and teaching each other what those visual request and sexual interests are in some respectful and loving way at home and by pointing out to all parties that it's clearly sub-optimal functionally and financially to actually have that external commercial process collecting money for the visual looks at those connubial bosoms that 90 million men are clearly willing to pay for now.

We should agree with Reverand Swedenborg that we should function effectively in the context created by our marriages for many millions of people and we should try to achieve, support, and enjoy connubial bliss in as many settings as possible now.

Marriage can create wonderful, beneficial, and mutually supportive experiences for people and we will be stronger and more economically successful as a community and a nation if our marriages are successful in ways that we know are possible because they happen for some couples and some settings now and it obviously can be done.

That includes every kind of marriage between consenting adults, and we should aspire to have them all succeed in as many settings as possible and we should celebrate and support all versions of marriages that people care to create.

We have some risks ahead of us relative to the instincts that tie us to sexual behavior, and we should aspire to have those instincts be an asset for us as a community and a people.

We humans have very strong sexual instincts, and we should learn to deal with them in the most effective ways given the availability of the internet as a key component of that entire process today.

There are some alarming warning signs happening on sexual issues here at several levels.

A very high percentage of our youngest men aren’t dating, and a growing number of younger men now say they don’t intend to marry and many suffer from at least light depression.

The young men have a high level of contact with pornography as part of their sexual interest and involvement level and basically, some seem to have their own kinds of addiction to pornography as part of that entire visual process for their world today.

Some of the pornography is focused on violent and abusive interactions of various kinds that we need to wean out of the information flow for too many men.

We need people to be married and not abused.

We could be much better off as a country if we decided to make loving and mutually supportive marriage a top priority as a society and if we learned to do a better job with those marital interactions for marriages failing by recognizing the instincts we have for families and sex, and then learned to get better at both.

We should be creating pornography flows for men that enjoy the beauty of women’s bodies and share that information and do it without having abusive behavior as part of the package. We should coach marital couples into visual processes that create arousal and channel it into good marital varieties of sex.

We all have instincts for various kinds of sexual behavior, and we should figure out how to accept those interests as being legitimate, because they're real, and then figure out in a cooperative and coherent way how to enjoy each other in the consensual context of our marriage.

Connubial bliss should be our goal.

We might want to set up a new set of expectations about connubial bliss and we should steer both young men and young women down that pathway, because it can be so much better for people’s lives when it happens — and it’s entirely possible to steer in that direction if we know what we're doing and show how good it can be for both parties when it happens with loving commitments from both parties in each setting.

We should steer away from the worst components of that sexual behavior and we absolutely should grow in wisdom and understanding, and then steer away from the worst Us-Them instincts that get triggered all too often by our tribal behavior.

WE MIGHT BE DETOURED AND DAMAGED BY AI

We've reached the point where AI and related commercial interests are creating sexual programming that gives customers a very strong and carefully designed set of programs that make the customers feel sexually stimulated and sexually pleased through some processes that feel sexually right to the people who buy and use those programs.

Those programs used by those machines tie to and link with our powerful sets of sexual instincts, and they're dangerous, because those instincts are so powerful and we feel the neurochemical rewards triggered by them in very addictive ways when they are activated. Those programs will have increasing customer bases, and will round out those levels of interaction going forward from now.

We also have a growing number of extremely realistic and very attractive and well-designed sex robots that perform actual physical sex acts that also link to those physical and instinctive behaviors with actual contacts and interactions and give their owners sexual services and activities that exceed the fantasies that people had before that set of tools existed.

Instagram and similar purchasing tools can now link you to a personal sex robot that is relatively affordable and promises to be continuously improving in both performance and design.

We're living in a strange new world relative to those sets of issues, and we need to get grounded in our overall reaction to our basic instincts because they're going to steer our lives and we should be well informed and wise in what we choose to do now in our communities and our world with our instincts serving us and not leading us to damage in the new internet world that we're going to be living in.

We need to understand what those agendas and problems actually are and how much momentum they create.

FASHION EXCEEDS PORNOGRAPHY AS A FOCUS FOR MANY PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TODAY

The highest volume of internet use for women today is actually fashion and not pornography.

That isn’t understood by many people.

People almost worship fashion,

Beauty is a goal, a focus, an expectation, a standard, a priority and an aspiration for a high percentage of our population today.

Many women on the internet business sites are selling beauty and fashion to other customers on the web. The people with those services and beauty products have a major influence and impact on our lives today and that will probably grow.

Our culture tends to be obsessed with beauty and appearance, and we have a rich array of businesses that help women with their makeup and with their apparel at levels that exceed the levels of volume for the sites that do pornography.

Go to Instagram and TikTok to see what is being sold to and who is selling it.

Our culture has many rules and expectations about the makeup levels of our women, and we have many extremely skilled vendors who are selling optimal beauty agendas and tools to the women of our country and who use the internet to make those sales.

Many websites sell beauty, and some address the issues of beauty being used to bring people together and create various kinds of relationships with gender involvement and alignment. Beauty is a focus and priority for those sites.

Even the sites that offer alternative thoughts on marriage approaches and marital behavior and alignments tend to have beauty for the women in those marriages and relationships as an aspiration, achievement, and clear and constant goal of the process.

We have an extensive and energized web fabric of beauty options that fill the internet.

It’s clear that those options and those sites are not set up by men who want to micromanage the cosmetics and the appearances of the women in their lives, but by women who believe in a culture of physical beauty and who steer their customers down those paths with the goal of achieving the best skin, best eye décor, and best appearances in whatever settings women find themselves in with a rich array of products to make that happen.

The likelihood of American women in our culture today going from their home into the outside world makeup-free with bare skin is very low, because that’s not what our cultures and what most of our community and our lead women seem to tell other women to do with their faces and skin.

Many people who communicate on those processes and issues seem to think that women in our country with no makeup will be rejected by the world around them and will have problems both with men and with other women in their setting if they're ever actually make-up free.

We need to expand our social media commercial interactions to have clothing choices for women that are seductive and sexual and reinforce the sexual interactions that take place in marriages in a beautiful and effective and affirming way.

We also should replace killing deer and antelope with gift cards on the internet, and we need to have provider men using the internet marketplace to bring the product of the hunt for their women in the most effective and useful way to improve the levels of financial disparities that still exist in too many settings and relationships.

Multiple instinctive behavior issues about cultural acceptance get triggered by our current intercultural realities and we know from basic observation what issues exist for many women in our country with those issues today.

We haven't linked the social agenda with the coupling agenda with the marital alignment and success agenda with the array of products and priorities that exist on the internet today and now.

It would be a good thing if we somehow found the alignment between fashion perfection and marital happiness and spouse acquisition success and achievement in a process that supported women going forward in every setting and created real success in both our presentations of ourselves and our aspirations for optimal appearance and marital bliss with beauty as workable component of that priority and process.

On the bigger scale, we need to help get sex aligned with our social and our societal behaviors going forward.

As a minimum goal, we need to make sure that we do the right things to end the sexual damages and problems that still exist in too many settings, and that can be exacerbated when we have tribes fighting each other and doing damage to each other in those key areas.

WE NEED TO GET PAST TRIBALISM FOR AMERICA

We definitely need to slow down the rate of tribalization in this country, because we face the risk of being badly damaged as people and a nation by that package of instinctive behaviors in the wrong hands in our country.

Gaza has chosen tribal instincts as its primary set of priorities and activities and they're permanently trapped in that belief and place, and they'll be trapped there is Gaza forever until some of those people aren't there anymore.

We’ve easily gone past 50,000 dead people there and we're going past a million living people there who hate each other and who will damage each other indefinitely with those instincts in gear, because having those instincts making evil behavior there that feels legitimate and feels right for everyone living in that setting now.

That permanent hatred is where we are now in Gaza and that’s not changing while those sets of people are still there.

They are not alone.

Nigeria has very similar and even larger levels of anti-tribal killings that are also happening right now today.

The Christian tribes in Nigeria have had 2.2 million people who were abducted this year and have bad lives because that happened.

They've also now had 335,000 people who've been killed to date this year in the tribal areas of that country.

Tribes are killing tribes there as well and the total death rate in Nigeria could be double that number by year end.

We've seen that pattern many times before in a number of other tribal instinct settings.

Those countries didn't invent those behaviors.

Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia and Sudan also killed very large numbers of people and they didn’t stop hating and killing each other until many of the people in those settings were no longer there within reach of the other tribe — and that will probably need to happen for Gaza because both sets of people who are there now hate each other to the core, and that will be true and will causes damage as long as they somehow don’t draw lines to actually keep them apart and to make the deaths end in those settings simply because those people aren’t there to be killed.

What does that tell us?

We need to avoid similar thinking in our own country.

We need everyone in our own country to understand how dangerous our own tribal instincts are and how damaging our own Us-Them behaviors can be, and why we need to avoid them in the future to have a peaceful and safe future for our own communities and for our own country today.

Some people say that the most militant members of our population today are currently triggered and anchored by anger against the people who run various settings now, but that belief misses the point that the people who are most militant in each setting are tribal, and they need to understand that the long-range future for their tribe should be Peace — not conflict and damage — and we can set up wins for every tribe in America if we make that our goal and then do the right things to make that happen.

We need to rise above tribe. We should get our tribes to win together.

We have a chance to succeed at this point in our history if we do this right.

We need to believe in America.

This chapter in the third edition of The Art of InterGroup Peace explains what we should commit to as a country to steer us in the right direction.

Check out Chapter 17 of the Art of InterGroup Peace book.

That chapter looks at our entire set of core and basic beliefs and asks us to become an American Us based on what we believe to be true and based on what we believe we should build as a country.

Send in your thoughts to the Institute website about which of those enlightened commitments should evolve as we go forward as a country to create the future we should be achieving now in this country.

We also need to decide that telling the truth should return as an expectation for Americans, and that we should go down that path now.

We need to absolutely understand how powerful our instincts are and we need to understand how much they influence our lives every day of our lives.

We need to be well everyone.

It’s the right time for us to do exactly that and to actually be well as a people and a country and a set of believers who think enlightened behaviors should be our goal and our strategy going forward from here.

We can choose a path to Peace, but we need to make it what we do and who we are going forward from here.