Reviews, Paradigms & Beliefs

Marriage Instincts and Best Practices for Alignment, Connubial Bliss, and Next Steps to do Today

August 1, 2025

We instinctively mate as humans, and we have a long history of having mating and the sexual and social activities that regularly result from mating as a major priority and a functional focus for our lives at several relevant levels that also impact us going forward and sometimes are a priority for us now and for the life choices we're making today.

Our instincts relative to sex and mating alignments give us context for some of our behaviors now and can have a major impact on our lives overall at multiple levels today and now — and over longer periods of time in our lives if we incorporate those alignments and interactions into our lives and think and behave accordingly and if we then function and interact with each other as couples and with the world with those thoughts in mind.

We're not alone in having instincts linked to gender, mating and courtship activities that have a major impact on our lives, and that can affect our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors across broad areas of our lives in both positive and negative ways depending on how we decide to make them our behavior patterns for our lives.

We're not alone in having some of those gender and courting thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

We know that a number of other species with male and female members also mate, and we can see that many of those species also make both the mating process and activity and the subsequent life alignments, realities, and instinctive interactive behaviors that result from that process major and even definitional factors for their lives.

Eagles, for example, also mate for life and they do have some parallel activities and basic behaviors in their mating process that are not entirely unlike ours.

They court each other, bond with each other, and they then make the functional commitment to work together to raise and protect the families that spring from their sometimes huge and often amazing nests that they build both to attract mates and to raise and protect their offspring.

Wolves also go through a highly programmed and focused courting process that also ends up with a male and a female for each site. Each wolf family functionally has a bonded couple who are clearly dedicated with absolutely pure consistency and with full conviction to that status and to that role and that commitment for their lives.

Pure sexual activity is part of the package for wolves, and that activity happens when the biological circumstances have the female wolf in heat, and when that sexual process and when that explicit and particular sexual interaction is the next activity that makes functional sense and is available to them as a mated pair as the right thing for them to be doing with each other in that setting at that moment in time.

They do their actual sexual physical interactions and they then move past that intensity and that very focused sexual activity — and they move together as a mated pair to do all of the other areas of their lives that are then situationally relevant to them and that create the overall patterns for their lives after that sexual event happens for each wolf couple in each wolf courtship setting as a consummation step in that process.

Sex is an immediate priority at that exact moment and point in time, and then it does not recur again in the lives of male and female wolves until the overall cycle is right and until the timing of that process with the female wolf in heat triggers the actual sexual penetration and makes that direct sexual activity relevant again for them in their lives.

When the time is right for that activity, both wolves and eagles make it a definitive high priority, high focus, and explicit part of their interaction with each other — and both male and female wolves and male and female eagles work hard to have that part of the process that creates actual fertilization happen for them at that exact point in time when it's clearly the right thing for them to do and when it will result in offspring for them as mated couple.

We can see some of those instinct sculpted behavior patterns in our own lives.

Like a number of other species that have male and female members and two sex mating linkages, we tend to have courting behaviors, sexual interaction events, and predictable and consistent sets of instinct-guided behaviors that we follow to give us a good chance of having our sexual interactions result in the actual offspring that functionally allow us as people to continue as a species and as a very real biological reality for the world we live in..

CULTURES ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ELEMENTS OF OUR LIVES

We currently tend to mate for life in most settings in our world today, and we can see behavior patterns everywhere that help create and support that lifetime linkage for most cultures and for most sets of bonded and linked people.

Cultures are extremely important to us in that process because they tell us what we should do — and we're wired instinctively to believe and follow the guidance and the directions that our cultures create.

We tend to achieve our instinctive behaviors and full array of biological goals by creating cultures that guide our behavior and create expectations for our lives, and our pattern in most cultures is to have marriage commitments and to actually mate for life as the pattern and the expectation of the cultures we create.

Our cultures are extremely important components in our lives.

One of our strongest and most powerful instinctive behaviors that exists for each of us is to be aligned with our culture and to do what our culture directs us to do.

Marriages are now key parts of the cultures we create in most settings, and most people across the planet now expect and aspire to be married as part of the trajectory of their life.

Both men and women have a sense that marriage is a significant reality for their world, and people engaged on their life trajectories often think that being married and having a good marriage would be a very positive and beneficial pathway to be on and a right set of behaviors and realities for our lives.

We have multiple layers to our communities and our cultures, and marriage has the potential to help us get the most benefit from some of those layers in some of our life settings at least some of the time, if we do that pathway well in our lives and if we achieve the goals embedded in those expectations for people who become actually married and linked to each other.

Being Us can be important in that process.

We can have a strong sense of being Us in many situations and settings, and we need to be aware of who's an Us to us and what is relevant about that identity and that link in each setting that we're in so that we feel that our interactions are the right for us in each setting.

We're much more likely to feel good about our lives and we're much more likely to be positive about our world and less stressful about our lives on an ongoing basis if we're aligned with the cultures that we identify as being Us and as being legitimate for our lives and for our immediate world.

We're instinctively and often acutely aware of the expectations created by the cultures that we're part of in each setting, and we often commit significant energy and discernment and alignment thinking and actions to ascertain, detect, figure out, and determine what our cultures expect of us on every issue and on every key behavior so that we can each act in alignment with what we perceive those patterns to be.

We used to go through those discernment processes ourselves in the context of our family and our community, and now we're hugely influenced, steered, guided, informed, and even directed by the social media world we now live in.

The internet is having a major impact on us as a group and as individuals in the social media reality we live in today as we each try to figure out who we are and what we should be doing with the reality we each face in this world now.

We have fashion and music and art that's generally very specific to the cultures we live in, and we learn those realities in the context of our daily lives and from the growing impact of social media influences and information flow that's now our daily reality.

We have the ability and the tendency to do things in alignment with our cultures in every setting that we tend to believe are the right things to do, because our cultures determine what should be done by people in each setting and because we tend to be extremely aware of what those expectations are and how we should react and interact with them in our own lives.

That’s harder to do now than it used to be.

Those expectations from our cultures are now often a moving target and heavily influenced by internet and social media interactions.

Cultures can now change on a number of both superficial and functional levels with some frequency, and in our news social media world linkages today, we actually are likely to value having people in our lives and on our inter net links who see what those cultures are and who can help us see, understand, and even achieve them on some levels as part of our lives.

We have vast and highly visible currents of social media information flows today, and we need to figure out how to optimize our use of those flows to give us success in the lives that we're living in this context now.

We should build on the best features of the underlying cultural expectations that seem to be constant over time. Marriage is one of the best examples of those underlying expectations and of their potential value as a foundation and direction for our future behavior because they can affect so much of our lives.

Marriage now tends to be an underlying constant that tends to remains consistent at several levels over time in most settings and it gives us a highly useful context for some of our most important instinctive and functional interactions with each other when we enter into marriages.

Some of the highest impact of the expectations that we have now for actual marriage tend to be written into law, and that fact makes them much more rigid, more consistent, and more dependable than the cultural expectations about many other issues that flow with community determinations, perceptions, and values — and can change easily with tides of public opinion and evolving collective behavior.

We have changing opinions and behaviors in a number of other internet-affected areas and we can see what those changes are and we can accept and even influence them as agents of change through our interaction with the various streams and channels of social media that now can have millions of current and involved followers and millions of participants on a constant basis.

We can learn a lot about ourselves by looking at what we're personally using social media to do for and with us now.

As we look at who and what we are, it’s possible and even logical for us to see and identify and know what our actual instinct-linked and instinct affected cultural behavior patterns are on many issues and at many levels by looking at what we actually say and what we actually do, and then trust that what we say and that what we do is actually what those underlying patterns are in our lives now.

People can debate theoretically about what those issues and those expectations are for a wide range of issues and activities, but we can move past theory and speculation to practice and insight and understanding as high percentages of the time today, just by observing what we actually do and what we actually say on those issues in all of our linked settings.

We use social media to create various levels of connections with each other on almost an hourly basis on many of those topics and issues.

Social media is an extremely useful tool for both our observations and for our discernment processes in our communities today about who we are and what we do.

The internet and social media actually gives us a visible and immediate feedback loop on many of those issues, because millions of people do social media and we can expect that what the people show us as behavior and as beliefs is actually what people are saying and doing in our world today on those realities and issues.

We can accept that set of visible social behaviors as reality for many areas of our lives because it's current and because we can see exactly what's happening in many of our settings with the internet's array of participants and with all of the communications that are now embedded in as part of those processes.

Culture underlies that entire process.

We can look at our cultures at many levels and some levels are extremely easy to see today because they're both immediate and real for many people, and because they guide lives today, and because millions of people are making those links and sharing that information in very public and visible ways.

MARRIAGE FOR LIFE IS EMBEDDED IN THAT PROCESS

Marriage is a core behavior that's heavily and consistently embedded in that process today.

Our current cultures in this country call for us to be married and the basic expectation we have in most settings today is that we each plan is to mate for life with the person we marry.

We don’t always succeed in that plan, but the cultures we create now for marriage in our country tend to expect that commitment to be honored and to be maintained by both parties in that marriage.

We expect that behavior pattern to exist and to function as the normal behavior for married people in our communities because it’s now used by more than half of our people who get married and because all of those people now enter into their marriages with those expectations as the underlying rule set for the process and for the understandings and the agreements that people make with each other now when they marry.

Marriage is a good thing.

We should want people to be married when that’s a good fit for their life trajectory, because marriage can be a very good thing when it's done well and gives people better and good lives.

Men and women are clearly not the only kind of good marriage that we should encourage.

We now allow and encourage marriages between consenting adults of every available and possible sexual orientation and alignment, and that's a very good thing for the country and for the world.

The institution of marriage is a solid and beneficial, mutually supportive alignment process for two consenting adults, and the marriage can and should serve both adults who marry well over time regardless of the biological gender of the people getting married — if the two people who marry do the right things to make their marriage a success and if they intentionally set up a positive and aligned life mutually supported trajectory for both parties in the process that makes their married life positive and good.

Two men could marry well.

Two women could marry well.

A woman and a man could marry well.

A man and a woman could marry well.

Two actual people should be enough for a marriage.

We should keep and limit the marriages to two people, and we should have those two people coming together to give each other better lives and better futures in the world we live in now by actually doing the right things to make their marriage a success and making that commitment one that they continue to support over time for as long as the marriages exist.

We shouldn't discourage any other set of marital commitments between multiple sets of consenting people to be created if they're done in absolutely non-coercive ways, and if they're committed to achieving the win-win goals that the best marriages can achieve, but this advice is intended for marriages of two people who become marital mates through that commitment process.

This advice and these sets of insights are directed at men and women marriages, and the observations about internet activity relevant to the marriage process and reality has that pattern or marriage as the basis for the observations and advice.

Some of the advice about having successful marriages in this thought piece has sections that tie to men's and women's gender-leaning internet and social media activity and content, and that's a very legitimate thing to do from the perspective of giving marital advice to those couples, because there are some major differences between the internet sites aimed primarily at men and the internet sites aimed primarily at women — and the advice given that's based on those sites is obviously targeted at the current status and obvious direct interests of people from each gender who are using those sites now by the tens of millions of users for each set of avenues and sites and who have strong leanings in a number of areas.

Men and women both have arrays of products aimed at them on the internet that tend to differ significantly based on the target markets for the products. It would be a significant disservice to the topic of the future success of marriage not to offer insights in this advice piece on marriage into those products in ways that might help create more understanding for both genders across some of the gender divides on some of those topics and approaches that obviously exist today.

We need to recognize that each audience and each market for those products that are sold and promoted on the web to each audience should be understood and explained in the most effective ways to the sets of instinctive behaviors and instinct-triggered actions that will give us the best chance of having successful families, supportive marriages, and basic physical pleasures for all of our people that feel instinctively aligned and functionally and biologically right for the lives that we should and could all be living.

We should definitely figure out ways of making our marriages as successful as we can possibly make them, because they're the reality we face for millions of people and it would be good and wise for us as people and as communities to give people good lives and positive results for the marriages we create in every setting.

We start from a very good and strong positive position with marriage, because when people get married they tend to be extremely positive about each other and they tend to feel good about each other in clear and often intense ways as part of the marriage process.

People at weddings often express pride and even a level of joy in who they're marrying, and that joy is a great place to be and a solid and positive emotion and it can be a very good foundation for each marriage to build on to make the marriage a long-term success.

Pride and joy is a good place to start — and it’s clearly there now a high percentage of the time when people functionally and symbolically tie the knot.

Let’s build on that opportunity and let’s build on that positive time in intentional and effective ways.

We should encourage all people who marry to make a clear and intentional and explicit pre-marital commitment to support each other and to love each other, and to help each other have an optimal life with high levels of trust and with underlying support embedded in their emotions and behaviors when the weddings happen.

People would be more likely to succeed in that area if they have great and insightful teaching and just in time learning and a planned and intentional context for the loving interactions to happen in an intentional and effective way.

Advice can be needed and useful at that point in the process if it wasn’t embedded earlier in some way in the preparation for the event.

If the couple getting married doesn't have someone giving them at that advice at that point in time, and if you are their friend and if you want them to have a good and better life, you should take it upon yourself to share this piece with them and you should offer that advice to the wedding couple in the most learning-friendly ways.

The opportunity is there and it's very real for a very high percentage of marriages to have that be a high-impact teaching moment for teaching that can provide very useful and successful directions to the people being wed.

Weddings and marriages can learn from other important process points for communities, organizations, and businesses about how to take advantage of that opportunity created by the marriage.

MAKE THE RIGHT THING EASY TO DO

Make the right thing easy to do.

Having the right thing be easy to do is extremely important and powerful and effective advice for any organization or for any process that has aspirations for performance improvement and for most effective practices and outcomes over time.

Use process improvement mind sets for setting up the marriage functional reality.

If you believe that the single best process improvement guideline and strategy for your business and for other areas of your life over time is to 'Make The Right Thing Easy To Do,' then follow that lead and give the people getting married a copy of this Marriage Instinct Advice piece and let them think about what they could be doing to move in the right direction now to make right things easy to do as they prepare to go down that aisle together.

We should build on that extremely effective context, and we should understand our basic patterns and our most relevant levels of instinctive behavior to enable us to do marriage well if we do the right things and do them well and make them easy to do, because they're on a trajectory that we choose and understand well and are more likely to succeed if they're easy to do.

Think long term.

We might court a bit like eagles in some interesting and fun settings, but we marry more like wolves and we have a lifelong commitment to the person we marry and a commitment to create homes, families, and collective behaviors that bring food supplies and wealth of various kinds into our home settings for our shared and family use for as long as those needs exist.

We don’t do herds. We do families.

We also do Mates.

Mates, for most situations and settings, often have sex.

We need to understand that sexual component for our marriages, and sex needs to be part of our plan, strategy, tactics, tool kit, and agenda if we want marriages to reinforce themselves for both the short and long term while they're steering our lives and have positive impacts in what can be some of the most enjoyable areas of our lives if we do it with good heart and do it well in multiple ways and settings.

Creating families and marriages doesn't need to have sexual activity, but sexual activity can be a very good thing for people at several levels and only marriage creates the most functionally legitimate setting in our lives for it to happen, so we should figure out how to do sexual activity well for those mated people who choose that trajectory for their marriages.

For marriages that decide to include ongoing sexual activity as part of the ongoing marital support and interaction, we should understand how to be successful in having that interaction be successful and to be a best practices in those marriages.

It’s entirely possible to have marriages that decide to have sexual activity as a minimum level of interaction for the duration of the marriage, and for the right couple, that might be the best trajectory for the marriage to be on and it can be an absolutely legitimate way to be wed.

The marriages that choose as mates not to be sexually active should be respected and supported for that choice. That choice assumes that the belief patterns about win-win and loving interactions, and team behavior exist at the mate level, and the sexual component of that package is chosen as not being part of that interaction for the reasons that exist for that marital team.

That’s not the path that most marriages will choose on sexual activity. Most marriages will begin with enthusiastic and often exploratory sex and then will evolve into their own patterns of interactions that work for each couple as their chosen commitment to each other for their sexual interactions over time.

It's entirely possible to have sex be a positive long-term factor in every marriage.

Sex, itself, is a basic biological reality at some point in the process.

Sex is much more important to us than it is to wolves.

Sexual intercourse is used by wolves only to create pregnancies, and sexual intercourse is used by us to both create impregnation and to tee up and enable a wide range of ongoing sexual interactions that tend to have a major impact on multiple areas of our lives in every setting.

Sex can be a beneficial part of our lives, and that's more likely to be true if we marry well and if we align in good directions as we marry — and if we make sexual pleasure a beneficial and intentional aspect of our reality and interactions in the context of that marriage.

We should think about what we need to do to make marriages succeed and to have them build on our full sets of instinctive behaviors, emotions, goals, and aspirations as tools for success.

WE SHOULD DO BOTH BEAUTY, LOVE AND ACHIEVEMENT AS INTERNET EXPECTATIONS

Women’s websites on the internet often focus on creating absolute beauty, and men’s websites often focus on somehow gaining, achieving, and winning the women they aspire to be with — and the websites and the social media platforms for men and women tend not to overlap at any level on the targets for their attention and their energy.

We now know a lot about instinctive behavior because of those websites and the inter group instinct work, and there’s an area where the learning levels overlap and potentially reinforce each other. Let’s use instincts about group and social behavior that we understand now at several levels to help more marriages succeed when people do make the decision to be wed.

We should be able to make more marriages work well if we look at the various sets of instincts that they trigger and if we then make conscious decisions to act in ways in our marriages that align with the best components of our instinctive programing and with our most enlightened beliefs and behaviors as people living in the world that we live in now.

We should be able to make commitments to our marriages and have those marriages succeed and give us lives that we want for our children and our grandchildren — where they survive and thrive with optimal results for us all over time because we're doing the right things for the right reasons and because we're benefiting from the behavioral things that we effectively do in that context.

As we look at the packages of instinctive behavior that we will need to work with as a Peace movement to create inter group Peace in America, we can know and understand that many of the same approaches and processes that can create peaceful and positive alignment for sets of people at the inter group, community, and tribal level can also create alignment and positive results in the marriages that we can and should each create for each other with that context in mind.

We need people to go into their marriages with a clear commitment to have the marriage succeed and to have both partners in the marriage do well because we know that what married people do and do for and with one another in the context of the marriage is good for the people who do those good things and is good for the marriage, itself.

One of the best tools for creating successful intergroup alignment in any setting is to make a direct and explicit commitment to win-win results for the group and the community setting, and that set of goals and strategies clearly applies to marriages, related processes, and marital activities that flow from that situation and reality.

WIN-WIN IS ESSENTIALAND VERY POSSIBLE TO DO

Win-win needs to be a process and a skill set and a strategy and a tactic and a belief and a practice, and a clear and explicit and direct commitment that a married couple make to one another when they take their vows and become one in that marital context.

We start with very good momentum for marriage on that issue of win-win behavior because people tend to marry people they love we want people we love to win.

Marriages tend to have very good foundations and they tend to begin with both good will and mutual love for the married people. Life experience and time can often erode that love if it isn’t reinforced, so we should reinforce it and we should each have that reinforcement as a core part of our marriage strategy and commitment.

That positive beginning isn’t new information. We all know what that love looks like in a very positive and encouraging way for a very high percentage of the marriages on the day people are wed.

It’s a wonderful and often glowing thing that generally happens for people on their wedding day for the couples who take wedding vows together.

Love happens.

There's no reason not to do the right things in each marriage to keep that love alive.

Being married should be a wonderful and positive thing for people who have their marriage supported by each other, and one of the key steps for that process for each person in the marriage is to commit to each other directly to make win-win a major element of married life for their entire marriage.

Win-win doesn’t just begin from scratch or renew on its own accord in a relationship. Understanding one's self and having a clear understanding of the other person can anchor the ability of that status to continue — and each couple should figure out in very clear ways what the wins are that each of them need for their lives, and both should express that clearly and well and with a good heart to their spouse as part of their commitment to each other.

We tend to hope that other people might somehow guess what the important wins are for us in our lives — but the truth and the functional and practical reality is that other people are far more likely to know what those important things are for us if we tell them.

Win-win conversations should happen for every couple at the point in the relationship where that information should happen and should be shared.

It’s pure common sense.

It’s so much easier to know what's important to another person if that person simply and directly tells you what's important.

Too many marriages don't have that conversation.

Many people in marriages wish that their spouse would guess what those wants and those needs are in their lives.

 Wishing often fails in those settings to achieve that purpose.

Telling, however, succeeds with people an extremely high percentage of the time, and clear discussions about both aspirations and concerns can do almost miracles for helping people get aligned and for helping people to be effectively and successfully supportive of their spouse.

'Supportive' should be the goal and the intent and the behavior and the emotion that married couples should feel for one another. It’s a very good wolf-like behavior.

When you look at two wolves who are mated to one another, they couldn't be more supportive and aligned in just about everything they think and do. They very much like being with their family and their mate as their normal behavior and reality, and 'supportive' is hard-wired into their thinking, emotions, and behaviors in the relationship a high percentage of the time.

That gives us a great context for thinking in practical and functional ways about how we can stay aligned after we're wed.

The standard instinct trigger linking pyramid that works to get people aligned in supportive and participating ways for group behavior is anchored on danger as a rock-solid baseline focus factor that has great power in many settings.

 

The six key alignment instinct triggers that can be used in almost every group or inter group setting to get people in the group to think and function as an Us for that setting also can and do work and succeed for marriages as well.

Each newly married couple should take time to understand and plan to use all six triggers when needed to strengthen their marriage and should work together to make each of the triggers happen in appropriate ways.

The six triggers are covered in in several places in the InterGroup Understanding books and website.

Start with Danger as the first trigger for any setting.

Danger leads the pack as the anchor alignment trigger and factor.

When it exists, it overpowers pretty much everything else we think about at that moment in time.

Danger is the most powerful and effective factor that we build into our group alignment strategies and approaches, and it works extremely well to get people aligned in a wide range and variety of settings.

People in a community come together when they believe danger exists, and we need marriages to look for dangers in their world and setting.

We should add that factor to our marital alignment thinking at a slightly different level, and each couple should look at their marriage and at their settings and should think about what dangers they and their family face now and will face in the days directly in front of us that they can better address as a mates aligned with each other there.

There are often real dangers that exist, and each couple should talk about upcoming dangers and then decide what they can do as a marital unit, or what they can do individually, to minimize the dangers they see to themselves or their family.

Having people who don’t like either of you can actually be a danger if they choose to act in negative ways, and being together to overcome that enemy or that foe to you can be very much the right thing to do and reinforcing for your relationship.

Having alignment on those danger issues can be good for the couple and can help keep internal energy connected in useful ways in other areas of their lives.

THE SECOND TIER ON THE GROUP ALIGNMENT PYRAMID IS TO HAVE A COMMON ENEMY

Interestingly, that thinking about the possibility that there might be an enemy in your situation or your setting can also be very relevant to a marriage and a couple.

Enemies can exist for marriages.

Both people in the marriage should both identify who the enemies are (or might be) in their lives and what they might do together as a team to reduce their threat and minimize their impact.

When common enemies do exist for a couple, it can be very supportive and reinforcing for the couple to identify who they are together and then to plan and conspire and work together to reduce their threat and the impact of those enemies in their lives.

The danger to a married couple might not be a physical danger, but it can be people around them who want the marriage to fail for any reason, and who can and should be resisted and overcome with team responses to their attacks and to their threats from the people in the marriage.

TEAMS CAN BE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT FOR COUPLES

The third most powerful and effective alignment trigger for inter group issues and realities is to do things as a team to offset the risk and danger and to optimize the chance of success relative to other goals as a couple.

People come together in teams and can and do very powerful and effective things to succeed as a group. Creating teams of various kinds is also very useful for marriages, and people can actually strengthen their marriage because of their team behavior.

We love to be on teams and we love to have our teams compete with, resist, and defeat other teams, and those approaches can be even more effective for a married couple working together who feel good about being on a team together.

Very few things create more camaraderie and more good will than doing things together as a team.

Too many marriages fail or run out of steam because the couple does nothing together or as a team to achieve or attain some goal. So when a married couple sits down to consciously look at all six of the alignment triggers to see their own marital support opportunities, they should look for team opportunities to work together as a high priority for their thinking and should make that behavior as their own team an active part of their life.

HAVING A SENSE OF BEING US CAN BE VERY EFFECTIVE AND USEFUL

The fourth step on the alignment pyramid hierarchy is extremely effective for group settings, and that step is to create a sense of being Us for the people who are in the group or the setting.

There are few instinctive factors that are more important and more impactful than creating a sense of Us in any setting.

We tend to be supportive, protective, and positive about whomever we identify as Us in a setting. We also do identify people at the instinctive level as Them, and that alignment and perception as Them can activate, identify, and trigger some of the most powerful and negative sets of instinctive thoughts, perceptions, that exist for us as a species.

We definitely want our marriage to create a special and highly positive sense of Us if we do it right, that creates a foundation for the other components of the marriage.

We should be a strong and pure Us with our spouse, and we should make that commitment and that perception to be an anchor part of being aligned with the person we marry.

There are very few definitions of Us more useful and powerful than the Us we can sometimes create in that marriage setting. We need to earn each other’s trust and respect as an Us by doing trustful and respectful things with each other and then we should have that Us be our default Us in any community or setting.

Married couples with a strong sense of Us can also think of themselves as "We" for many parts of their lives.

When couples refer to themselves with comfort as “We,” that can also be affirming for the relationship.

It sometimes creates and triggers a sense of mutual reinforcement, and it can be an open and clear endorsement for being an actual marital team that gives a collective identity that other people need to see and respect in dealing with them as individuals or as a couple.

"We" can be a very powerful word when both people in the couple clearly fully accept that a "We" exists in that setting that is a real "We."

Couples who are comfortable with an identity as a "we" as a couple who are comfortable calling themselves “We” in their conversations with other people can find that they have collective power and impact as a "We" that they sometimes don’t have without using that label for themselves.

A couple that can say “We believe this” can have power and effectiveness by functioning as an Us. Being able to say "We" in describing your behavior or your thoughts can be reinforcing for the Us you create in your home and in your marriage.

So creating a sense of Us as the fourth step on the alignment trigger pyramid can be a very good thing to do and it can be an important and useful part of succeeding in the marriage.

DOING WELL AND PROSPERING CAN BE VERY GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE

The fifth layer on the group instinct alignment pyramid that also has an obvious transfer and positive impact for the marital alignment pyramid, is collective gain that can be achieved for the group.

Gaining in the world can be a good thing for the people who gain.

Wealth, or even financial security at some very real level, can be an obvious and high value goal for some inter group motivation levels and for some group alignment, and collective gain and shared benefits is also very obviously something that probably most men and women who marry invariably want to see in their own marriages and in their own lives.

Married couples should have a clear understanding and honest and open discussion about the relative roles of resources, financial security, asset growth and collective gain in their lives, and the couples who are in agreement and who are in alignment in their lives on those issues in explicit ways can be more likely to have successful marriages and to achieve the goals they set for themselves with open discussion and with honest and accurate conversations about those goals and about the relevant strategies that are needed in each setting to make them happen.

If you look at the internet feedback loops for both men and women, there are patterns that say a major reason for people to have a spouse and a mate at some level is often to gain wealth or grow and acquire and even share actual resources because of that alignment, connection, and link.

Far too many couples don't have some of those conversations they should be having about those goals and aspirations. It makes much less sense and can be harder to put together mutually supportive and successful marriages where those conversations don't happen and don't create behaviors that cause success and wealth and resources of various kinds to happen in those areas and to have that flow benefit the marital team.

Every marriage should be clear about its resource aspirations and expectations and should feel positive and good about collectively succeeding in those areas as a financial Us when that happens.

BEING HONEST IS ESSENTIAL

Couples should be extremely honest with one another in and about all of those issues.

The best relationships have honesty at their core.

It's much easier to be in a relationship if both parties can trust what the other person is saying at all times. Trust should be a baseline expectation, and it needs to be earned and reinforced in each setting by saying things that are true to each other and then making them come true and be true in the real world.

Each person should tell the truth and each should make sure that the other person knows that they can both absolutely trust each other to be true.

When that happens, a wide range of conversations and relevant interactions are made easier because neither person needs to wonder if something that was said was true.

We want marriages with people loving each other and respecting each other and trusting each other and supporting each other, and having both of the married people knowing that their partner loves and trusts and supports them in making success happen in the most relevant and effective ways for them as a couple.

Many people from the sets of people who do have good marriages now believe and say that their marriage is the best relationship of their life. Great, solid, trusting, and mutually supportive relationships should be the goal of every couple who goes down that road. Most of us are going to get married, and we might as well have that high level of marital success as a goal and a strategy for our lives and then do things well together in positive and reinforcing ways to make that reality happen.

MISSION/VISION CAN BE ACHIEVED TOGETHER

The top tier on the traditional classic Group Alignment instinct pyramid is Mission/Vision or Leader Loyalty.

Many groups in the community exist for their mission and many groups exist to support and follow a leader, and both of those motivations can create alignment inside the group for the settings where they achieve that role and function.

Having a sense of mission for the marriage can actually be a good thing where both parties believe that it’s the right mission for them to follow together and where both feel motivated and inspired by that goal.

For marriages, that highest alignment trigger level on the goal package can often easily translate into being committed to doing the right things together to help their family or their community achieve their best and most positive goals and to survive and prosper as a family unit and to succeed together because we do the interaction processes well and they're the right processes to do.

 Leader Loyalty makes less sense in a relationship where complete alignment isn’t led, but is very much co created by both parties in the relationship interacting with each other in caring and effective ways.

In our marriages today, having assignments for certain parts of the relationship can make functional sense — and those assignments should be the roles and functions that work for the person who gets that role in each marriage.

Meal preparation might be a primary assignment for one spouse, and some kinds of property maintenance might be another key assignment for another spouse, and each marriage should both figure out what they need as an array of things to do and what combination of assignments and expectations can be set up to make sure that relevant things get done in that home and setting. Those tasks can be assigned and led by the person that's the right fit for each setting.

We don’t have the old head of family role that used to be assigned in each setting to the oldest male in the setting by hereditary custom process. Until a very few years ago, the US Census asked every family to designate a head of family. Baby Boomer census forms used to ask for that designation.

We no longer make that assignment as a legal designation.

 The best marriages today and now are co-led, and the loyalty and the energy in the marriage now should be focused on the co-leaders mutually succeeding in that role.

We very much want our marriages to succeed because they can be so foundational to our lives.

We need to think about sex as a key factor in that reality.

Sex is part of that overall construct of realities that make the marriage context different than almost anything else we do in our society today. We can avoid or overlook sex as a topic or issue, but it’s actually an empowered behavior that exists in our world as a key context point only for married couples.

It's clearly and explicitly legal to have sex with your spouse.

It's actually illegal to have sex with any nonconsenting person of any age or any gender.

There are layers of laws, rules, and restrictions about sexual behavior and activity, and marriage gets a special, blessed, and positive context for that entire area of behavior for sexual interactions between consenting and legally married adults.

Because sex has it’s own special status and it’s unique role in the marital context, it makes great sense for us to figure out ways of having marriages successfully achieve whatever kinds of sexual context that they can achieve with each other in that set of realities and behaviors.

We know that having good sexual relationships in a marriage can actually be useful in improving the likelihood of each marriage being maintained and surviving over time.

Sex isn’t the most important aspect of marriages, but we know and can see that the people who report having figured out the sexual interactions and sexual activities in their marriages in positive and effective ways are more likely to achieve long-term marital relationships and activities — and they tend to feel better about the entire set of interactions that make family life and marriage their reality.

Sex can and should be a key, mutually supportive, and positive part of the success levels for many marriages and that's more likely to happen if we actually decide to put that topic on the table and then deal with it directly in the most enlightened and effective ways in our relationship as an ongoing part of the marriage process and reality.

That learning and that teaching hasn't been a skill set that we've perfected as a culture.

Far too many people don't know how to put together a good sexual relationship with another person, because most settings don’t teach it and many people are unwilling to talk about it, and because far too many people have no role models to follow to make sex successful, understandable, and achievable as a part of the marriage process.

It’s difficult at some levels, and it’s extremely easy at others, because everyone wants good sex and if you trust the person that you're married to and if you say to your spouse: "I very much want us to have good sex," then 90 percent of the time — even if the other person doesn’t know for sure how to make that happen but thinks it’s a good idea and is willing to go through a learning process to make that happen — then it's clearly very possible to do.

And it's hugely worth doing.

Honesty on that goal at that point in time gets people a million miles down that road.

Marriages often start well, and holding hands in a loving way in those first weeks and first months of honeymoon bliss happens often and is generally very real for the hand holders, and that momentum for each marriage should be channeled in good directions by talking about that goal and by being very open and honest about what's said and heard — and by setting up expectations that begin for both spouses starting now with actual commitments to each other to make that positive outcome happen for their marriage.

For people who are past the first days of the marriage, it can be relatively easy to look at the information outlined in this thought piece and to jointly declare a new restart on the relationship that you're in now, and then to have open conversations and even have real fun, joy, and even pleasure getting your own marriage on track for all of those relevant trajectories from now on.

Many people are hungry for happiness, and it’s possible to understand the entire situation and to have good hearts and good will and then do some very simple and direct things to get back on that good trajectory toward loving support, mutual trust, and very good sexual realities for all of the people who want that to be an important part of what their marriage achieves and does.

We can get both support and insight from social media and from the web on those issues if we're discerning and if we're wise in our choice of venues and tools.

We can learn a lot now about some of the key issues that our current gender realities create.

We need someone speaking truth now on some interesting and important issues, because those conversations aren't happening for too many people today, and both genders are confused to some degrees today because that information on some of those issues isn’t being shared across gender lines even though both genders have millions of people who are sharing flows of information through a variety of social media approaches today.

We need people from both genders to learn and teach each other key aspects of what's sexually relevant to them.

Confusion reigns in major parts of both gender trajectories on the web, and we know that’s true because people tell us what’s happening with some of those issues in a wide range of sites and their confusion is painfully easy to see.

As one example, we can tell from women’s websites on Instagram and TikTok that a very high percentage of women say they don't know or understand what large numbers of men are actually looking for now for their relationships and lives and for the physical connections with the women they love, and we can see from the men’s websites that the pure beauty-based women’s web links that fill the internet with a rich and vast array of sites aren't on the men’s radar screens and we can see that large numbers of men aren't going down those paths of cosmetic perfection in any way in their own aspirations or in their actual thoughts about the women in their lives.

The women’s websites have frequent mentions from some of the women of how difficult and how unfair it is for women to have to be young forever, and many of those sites say it isn’t fair to women that the men in our world only aspire to have perpetually younger women for their lives and some sites say that perpetual youth that they think men want in women isn’t possible and it’s an unattainable goal for women in our world today.

There's real anger in many sites on that set of issues.

That belief in many of the women’s websites about the desire by men to have perpetual youth for their women completely misses the point for what's actually happening in those marriages, lives, aspirations and settings today for millions of men.

We need to say true and direct things about those issues now in this marriage support thought piece so we can all understand what's going on and what is likely to happen next.

The truth is that many men actually love it when women’s bodies age and we know that appreciation to be true beyond debate from observable market realities because there are multiple magazines today that show nude women in their 40s, 50s and even 60s, and those magazines have very real fan bases and they have significant and real support from men — or those magazines wouldn't exist and they wouldn't be growing rapidly and gaining market steadily as a significant component of that set of sexual relevant visual products for men if that interest wasn't true.

"MILF" is a term of endearment and attraction to many men, and none of the thousands of current beauty websites for women ever use the term MILF or admit or see and understand that entire thought process and that set of aspirations that exist for many millions of men and could be a very positive physical context for many women when it's more clearly perceived and understood by some of those women.

"MILF" is a widely used context for millions of men, and it absolutely does not focus on eternal youth for women, because those men don’t feel that attracted to children or to serious youth and they do explicitly aspire to sex and interactions with older women.

Someone needs to help women who have that particular belief about men to get a broader view of what many men are actually thinking on those issues and topics and someone credible in the women’s social media world should describe it on women’s sites to know and explain to American women that the MILF movement is real and that millions of men love being in it.

It also might be good for the morale and the relative context of some older and even the actually significantly aging women in our country to know how much the bare skin selfies they sometimes send in person to the men they love are appreciated, treasured, and often viewed repeatedly with pleasure and with real pride and discernable satisfaction by the men they send them to.

We know that's true because the men on their sites sometimes celebrate the visual information they get from their women, and we know that to be true because evidence of that appreciation of bare skin on women of all ages is actually creating billions of dollars of internet revenue going now to a number of women in our country today who sell actual selfies of themselves to men on the web.

One of the thriving internet businesses that exists today is a website where men make direct contact with actual women of all ages, and a key part of that contact is for the men to see the naked breasts of the woman they're linked to.

There's a wide range of ages for those women who sell views of their breasts to men, and some of the most successful ones are in their 30s and 40s — and they're also clearly not the teenage girls and the very young women that some of the fashion websites and some of the unhappy social media sites say men exclusively aspire to see.

Those are big numbers.

Ninety million American men go to those websites and to those live connections today to see the naked breasts of actual interacting women — and we know from their data that about 80 million of those men who buy those views today are married.

We don’t Know how many of the 4 or 5 million women who are the higher-volume sellers of that visual content to the men are also married, but some of those women on those sites, who've done Instagram and other social media interviews and conversations, have said that they're married and some claim that some of their husbands enjoy having their wives enjoyed visually by other men.

We don’t know if that's true, but we do know that that market for live bosom views is growing, and it definitely feeds into the sexual instinct activation processes for 90 million men who currently spend billions for those views.

One of the relevant Instagram jokes recently was a woman talking to her husband after discovering that he was a customer for that service and saying how unhappy she was. He asked: "Are you unhappy because I paid to look at another woman?" And she replied: "No, I am furious that I didn’t know that you actually would pay for it until now."

That’s definitely a tacky joke, but it does tee up and describe some of the confusion we're facing and the need for us to be aligned now on a broad range of gender-related and marital alignment issues so that we can succeed in our marriage agenda.

We all know how important sex actually is for all of us because of how deeply we're wired to have powerful instincts on sexual issues and to think constantly about our roles in the world we're creating now with those instincts activated in so many ways.

ONE POINT AND A KEY GOAL OF MARRIAGE AND OF RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE GOOD AND EFFECTIVE AND REINFORCING SEX AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME

We can’t pretend that we don’t have those issues because sex, of course, happens for us just like it's a functional reality for almost every species that has male and female members, and that reality and because that status includes us.

We mate.

The functional underlying process point of mating for every species is actually and explicitly to have some kind of sex.

We know that sex is a top mating process priority for many species, and we know it’s clearly a major and high priority for us because we focus on it a high percentage of the time at multiple levels in our society, and because both genders have extensive internet scope and content that has sexual behavior and sexual images as a high volume use of the sites at least some of the time.

Some of our primate cousins also have increased their levels of sexual activity as a goal and a practice, and some of our cousins make sexual activity an ongoing part of their social interactions with each other at multiple levels a high percentage of the time.

Those cousins also tend to have slightly different sexual behavior patterns for the males and females of their species that make sense because each gender has a different role in the process in each species, and it wouldn’t make sense to have the instincts and behaviors to be identical for the males and the females when the biological functions aren't the same for both.

That’s clearly true for us as well.

We're not identical to each other in our interactions with the sex-related aspects of our lives, and we should figure out how to optimize the processes and the experiences for both genders in our species to give us a best trajectory going forward from here for both genders.

Those thoughts, processes, priorities, emotions and behaviors that are tied to gender-related issues have many obvious patterns that exist for every setting and culture, and we can see them clearly as major factors in how we steer our lives in every situation and setting to have every culture get positive and beneficial results in sexual realities for both men and women in our society and our world.

Some people now think sex is a gift from God.

The Swedish theologian and mystic Emanuel Swedenborg talked about the various blessings of God for all areas of our life in his theological pieces, and he wrote about Connubial Bliss as being both a blessing and one of the very best things created for us by God in his thought pieces on matrimony, marriage, and behavior.

Connubial bliss makes some sense as a context for marital interactions and relationships because it creates a trajectory and an expectation, a possibility, and way for us to live our lives with pleasure as an intentional part of what we do and who we are and to appreciate and enjoy the experience.

Swedenborg said that being married was a very good and very holy thing to do and to be, and he said that the reasons to be married, including having great sex was such a good thing, that he actually predicted the bliss would continue forever for appropriately married couples in heaven after leaving this life span and this planet.

Swedenborg recommends that we get married, have great sex, and consider that to be a major and significant blessing and gift from God for our lives.

We might consider taking his advice.

We currently strongly endorse marriage in this thought piece from the Institute as a very good way to be aligned as people, and we believe that we should try to steer our marriages to doing good and loving things for the community and for each other in very Christian ways when that's possible to do.

If we decide to take his advice, we can add connubial bliss to our expectations and goals for the overall instinctive behavior enlightenment context and process outlined in this website that's targeted at inter group Peace.

 We're probably going to have a majority of our population continuing to get married, and we probably should figure out how to have those marriages work for as many people as we can just because they affect so many people.

We know from the vast array of social media sources that are available to us now that many people are extremely interested in sexual issues.

We, like every other species that has male and female members, have a different set of instincts for our males and for our females that are wired at several levels into who we are.

Social media gives us a wonderful and easily accessible opportunity to see what some of that wiring is and to see what it has been for both men and women in our settings.

We know from the extensive social media data flow that men and women have very different topics of interest and focus on many sexual issues. We know that pornography of various kinds has been the highest volume, single topic on the internet for use by men since the internet was created and first offered to the public.

Pornography tends to have a wide range of vendor availability, and the people and businesses who market those products and internet services and sites have extensive scope and topics for their products.

The major social media sites and the standard commercial business internet vending sites all made the very wise and appropriate decision years ago to limit their content on their sites to non-pornography, and those sites survive and even thrive as businesses and as social media outlets because they made those decisions and can focus on other issues.

Twitter and Facebook and similar sites all very explicitly ban visuals and content that are basically purely sexual in nature. They allow mention of those issues in their information flow, but those services and links don’t participate in that sharing of visual content about sex that floods other portions of the internet.

Men and women both do sexually contextual things in their current internet patterns, and we can see fairly easily from a rich flow of information in that area that men and women tend to do very different things with their focus and their information flow on all of the approaches and sites on sexual issues.

The sites for men and women are significantly different on sexual- and gender-related issues, and we need to see and understand and know those sites are so different if we hope and aspire to create a future where we blend our instincts into the most effective ways that create great futures for both men and women and optimal outcomes for the children that we create with all of those agendas steering out lives.

WOMEN FOCUS ON BEAUTY IN THEIR SITES

Women tend to focus on beauty in their web links and websites.

Beauty is a goal and an obsession and a pattern of behavior, and women have a vast array of vendors selling makeup and beauty products to their customers who keep that part of the internet awash in commercial activity for those products and services.

As a culture, we seem to almost worship beauty at a couple of levels. We can see what's happening with many aspects of that focus in the internet information flow.

We see women who go on screen with their bare face who add layers of makeup to their faces and who create beauty at various kinds and levels with that process. They do almost magical transformations of women’s faces, and they use layers of products with great skill to create a wide range of beauty outcomes.

A few of the most beautiful women on Instagram have said that the world should support them with material resources and with wealth just because they're so beautiful and because beauty should be an achievement that's rewarded by the world because it’s the right thing for the world to do.

Beauty is a goal, a process, a skill set, and a belief system.

It doesn’t just happen. It's created.

Makeup is very real and it's extremely important.

Everyone uses makeup.

Foundations of various kinds exist in that world.

Cosmetics get a wide range of uses.

Everyone uses it as a core reality.

The number of American women who don't wear makeup on their face at some level when they go outside each morning into our community is extremely tiny — and it's now actually almost nonexistent.

Everyone wears something.

We just had one of our most interesting and impressive woman leaders on American political issues say and explain through an Instagram link that she personally spends an hour every day doing her own makeup, absolutely loves both the process and the result, and she considers the entire process with her face a gift that she gives herself every day and she said very clearly in her current social media piece that she looks forward to continuing that use of time daily with beauty as the clear result of what she does in the world and as her personal visual interaction with all of us who get to see the result.

Another famous woman said that she almost went public with no makeup, and it was too shocking and painful to do, so she did a very light coat of makeup and hid her face instead in order to leave the house.

We have a culture that expects beauty on women’s faces and says that should happen every day for every public setting as an expectation of being visible in America as a woman.

There has to be some combinations of instinctive programing that makes that the norm for women in this country, because we don't see those behaviors or expectations for the vast majority of men. The gender divide on those issues is almost absolute.

The women’s sites often feature information about the high interest many women have in finding the right guy and entering into relationships that might lead to marriage.

The sites that create extreme beauty for women often say that one goal of that process is for the women to become a highly desirable marital or societal partner for the men in their community, and they often say that the most alpha females should be attracting and paired with the most alpha males — and the male standards on the women’s sites seldom mention male beauty, and often include the men having enough resources to provide good homes and good living settings for the alpha women and their children.

Many of the stereotypical male expectations on the women’s sites fit the old hunter-gatherer provider roles and stereotypes that have men hunting and bringing home wealth in calory content for the families they create.

The internet gives us a wide set of feedback and commentaries on the beauty processes, and we now have some levels of input from women on what's happening with those processes and that agenda.

Many of the women who talk about their makeup on the internet say that they're doing it to be beautiful to men — and some even say that when they do achieve actual beauty at the very highest level, then the men in their setting and community owe them some flow of money, gifts, and resources for that achievement.

Many men appreciate beauty, but don’t worship it or try as a group or a collective activity to make it happen either for themselves or for the women in their lives.

We can learn and understand a lot about our thoughts, our values, and our priorities as men, women, and people by just looking at what we put on the web and by who follows each site and topic for both genders.

Men don’t aspire to beauty on the sites for men.

The number of men’s websites that even mention the beauty agenda that exists for women is also tiny, and the number of men’s websites that do mention men’s interests and perceptions about women’s beauty tends to have a much greater focus on sexual issues and on sexual visual realities for women rather than on beauty priorities and cosmetic perfection and functional decorative beauty for women.

There's a lot of gender-related content on the web for men, which tends to include women’s bodies rather than be about men’s fashion or appearances — and it tends to involve some levels of pornographic content involving women a high percentage of the time.

Pornography is easily the highest volume topic and user for men on the internet, and that has been true since the very first years of the internet's existence.

The pornography sites on the internet have high volumes of use and can collect information on an almost infinite array of topics and make it available to customers and readers in a visual flow that are overwhelmingly sexually explicit images of women.

Men instinctively want to see women’s bodies.

Men are willing to pay to see women’s bodies.

NINETY MILLION MEN ARE PAYING TO SEE BARE FEMALE BODIES IN REAL TIME

One of the most successful businesses on the internet today is a site that has women who sell views of their naked bodies to men in real time in an interactive setting. The link is entirely electronic and it allows men in America today to pay women real money to show their naked bodies to them in “private” internet connections through a web business that's set up to privately make that connection to those visual experiences happen for those men and for those women.

More than 90 million men are making that purchase today, and more than 80 million of those men are married. The process has women in direct contact with men electronically who sell the views that the men pay for and who sometimes have multiple and repeated contacts with the same man for that link and view.

Some of the most successful women in that venue and that business make millions of dollars. Some even make tens of millions.

Most of the 4 million women who show their bodies to men visually today in that internet venue and setting only make thousands of dollars each for that service, but they get paid very quickly for doing it and there’s an immediate financial reward for those women.

We can assume that the actual dollar number paid to the women could be financially important to some of their lives because it's real money available very quickly, in real time, to real women who can use it for their family expenses and for any of their own other resource needs in their lives.

The existence of that business and that process absolutely verifies the high interest that men have on those sexual visual impacts and triggers.

Ninety million men buy those views and that number is growing fairly rapidly.

So, what does that business tell us about both women and men?

We can draw a couple of simple conclusions.

Men tend to be visual on sexual issues.

Men tend to have strongly visual sexual instinct activation programming that's permanently baked into the gender perceptions, activities, and priorities that exist for us today as a nation and a community and in the relationships that men have with the women they date and marry.

Visual triggers are highly relevant to sexual activity and instinctive perceptions.

Turkey hunters know that they can lure a male turkey into shooting range with a metal outline of a hen turkey that only shows the outline of its head and the very specific outline of its perky set of tail features that young hens have as their basic profile in the wild.

Male turkeys are obviously programmed visually to see that profile and to try to get actually entangled and involved with that hen because that outline means that the female turkey is the right size and the right age to breed, and it means that she's present on the site because the outline is there to be seen by the bearded gobbler turkeys who are functioning in that setting.

Turkeys have died because they were focused on those feathers, and that focus clouded their judgement on other issues in their setting.

We humans also have some visual instinct programing that extends into the area of sex for us, and that's extremely obvious to us all if we look at what it is and if we recognize and understand and appreciate what we're seeing.

Human males tend to be strongly attracted to human female breasts.

Many studies and surveys have shown that the most powerful sexual visual that attracts men to the internet and that's often linked to the actual women in their lives and settings is breasts.

Boobs matter.

"Boobs" is a male buzzword that every man understands as a descriptor of a particular part of the sexual reality that almost always gets the attention of heterosexual men in a setting or in a situation where "boobs" are likely to be seen or observed.

Women in their websites and social media venues often don’t seem to know or understand that that simple trigger exists.

We tend to have a major perception deficit between the genders on those issues, and that deficit in perception levels by gender should not continue to exist in our country with the current social media and website settings because the evidence for what happens on those instinctive reactions and behaviors is so extensive and so clear on the internet today at this point in time that the situation is moot as a general topic.

We have an interesting set of political correctness levels and awareness levels that divides us by gender on a fairly consistent and very broad level on those visual issues.

When you look at the wide and extensive range of women’s Instagram sites about either beauty or even about men, the word "boobs" is never part of the story or included in the word choice on any of those sites that are produced by women and that are intended for woman readers and women viewers.

That’s an interesting topic deficit, because men's sites go down a very different path and many of the sites for men tend to only focus on that set of visual content for their sites.

The differences in the sites and the awareness levels are so extensive, that it’s almost like we have two separate species rather than just two separate genders using the internet at the same time in two different ways.

Political correctness keeps us from pointing that trajectory reality out in our most polite circles for some aspects of the discussions.

We need to move past, beyond, and above intergender political correctness for our intergender awareness if we aspire to create a less skewed future on some related issues that affect us all, and if we hope to create alignment and awareness instead of division on some key areas of our interactions as genders.

We need everyone to see, understand, know, and appreciate the reality that men have instinctive wiring to make seeing breasts a priority. That's not new information, but it is a new business today with the internet using that information to gain millions of new customers.

More than 90 million men pay now to see the breasts of women in real time and that isn’t a political or public awareness issue or problem of some kind because it’s a huge economic reality for the internet and for our communities today for the people involved in that process and product.

The 90 million men who are paying billions of real dollars today for the internet visual connection with those available women from those websites, all insist on seeing boobs and on seeing breasts as part of their reward for paying the money to the women on the site, and we don’t need to guess about what's happening with that set of visual priorities and those instinctive triggers for the men because it's very clear and it's very explicit as the reality for those businesses and for those sites today.

Websites for men don’t tend to look at the high standard of cosmetic beauty that the array of women’s sites create for women, but men in some of their social media exchanges do celebrate being able to attract and have relationships with lovely and beautiful women — and the relative standard and measure that men often use to define and describe their own relative success on that quest is not how many lovely women they can attract, but how much they are, as men, personally liked and appreciated by the women they do attract.

The competition in the social media communication flow for many of the men isn’t that they have beautiful women in their lives, but rather how much those beautiful women they do link with and do almost acquire in some ways, actually like them as a person.

Affection matters.

There’s a high level affection quotient competition happening for some of those links, and those men celebrate and often brag about how much the lovely women they attract with their various attraction and courting approaches actually like them as men as their measure of success and relative value.

Courting happens, and both parties to the courting process enjoy being perceived as the most beautiful women being courted and as some level of Alpha male doing various kinds of male things that create prominence and presence as part of that process.

Being wooed and being appreciated as an alpha type wooing person both fit into the scenarios and the behaviors for those interactions.

That interaction and relative likability scorecard isn’t just for the alpha women and for the alpha men who exist for some of those beautiful people situations, and who can be seen in some of the Instagram beautiful-people streams of current individuals that feature those sets of people relatively often as part of their visual context for the social aspects and fabric of the internet.

BOTH GENDERS WANT TO BE APPRECIATED

Appreciation matters at the bottom of the beauty and power hierarchy as well.

That same relative sense of being appreciated and connected extends to the 90 million views of bosoms that are happening today on that website and we know that to be true because none of those 90 million men would pay any money just to see the breasts of a woman. They can easily see a rich array of pornography with an infinite selection of every kind of bosom if that was the product being sold.

The package that actually hooks in 90 million men in America today includes the women interacting with them in a very direct and individual and personal connection, and the men and women then having direct personal links and various dialogues and friendly, engaging, pleasant, and even warm conversations with each other about the process and the views that flow from those connections being made.

One of the Instagram women pundits who spoke about that product and that process in her popular podcast recently was scathingly critical of the men involved. She said that the men were simply buying electronic girlfriends instead of actually being in relationships with real women, and she believed, as an Instagram pundit, that it was the wrong thing for the men to do.

She wasn’t entirely inaccurate about describing the actual relevant activity because many of those women who are interacting with the men in that service probably work hard to give those men the strong impression that they enjoy and even love having that contact with them, and that they want that relationship with them that they're having now and that the men who are buying that service from her are very welcome on her screen.

Some do that very well.

In fact, some of the women who provide that service make over $1 million each year by giving men that impression extremely well.

Even the ones who only make a couple of thousands of dollars with those views and with those interactions are probably giving each of their viewers a welcoming reception at some level and giving them direct, positive, and individually connected emotional reinforcement for being there and for having that contact.

What does that tell us about marriage in this country?

WE WANT AND NEED MARRIAGES TO SUCCEED

We should do smart things to encourage and enable marriages to succeed because our country will be stronger in a number of ways and we will happier over time if we have high levels of success for our married people.

Marriages can help us succeed as a country and can help us have families that support children and give our kids the best start in life. Multiple studies show that kids raised by men and women together as parents have a higher level and higher likelihood of being successful than single parent settings.

For the futures of our families, we need marriages to exist, and we want marriages of all kinds to succeed.

For the marriages that involve men and women, we'll be more successful if we can get both men and women to appreciate and feel good about the benefits that can exist in their lives from appropriate sexual interactions that can happen for married people in the context of their marriage.

Sex has the potential to be a high-value experience for people, and the fact that it can feel very good at least some of the time should be a reality that we incorporate into our planning as communities and as people.

Sex can help make a marriage successful if it goes well and if it's an anchor and functional part of the relationship and of the alignment that people have with each other in the marriage.

We need skill at making marriages succeed.

We should do smart, practical, intentional, instinctively aligned, emotionally positive, and reasonable things in the marriages to make that happen.

We need committed people on that trajectory and agenda.

We need married people to commit to each other every explicitly and intentionally to work together to help their marriage succeed. It won’t happen by accident, but it can happen with some frequency and consistency in many settings if we know and appreciate how good and effective marriages can be for people and if we then work in conscious, intentional, deliberate, and mutually supportive ways to make that happen for as many marriages as possible.

We need marriages that discuss and agree on the sexual context and sexual contact that's part of a successful marriage. Men and women will have different trajectories in a number of ways as we work to make that happen.

Men are more visual so we need to do the things in many marriages that will meet the visual and the physically supportive instinctive needs for men that we should understand, celebrate, appreciate, accept, and enjoy, rather than resist and even resent because that package for men isn’t identical to the instinctive triggers and the support needs of the women in the marriage.

We should accept and understand and even appreciate those sets of instincts for men, and we should learn how to support and even optimize having those instincts work to support marriages and improve marital relationships by having both parties working in alignment to make that happen.

We're not identical as genders, and we can and should use the fact that we have two gender designs as a source of appreciation and joy when we get those two designs to trigger, support, and reinforce each other and when we enjoy the good things that can happen when people are in love and when the alignments work in our favor in a marriage, because both parties want that to happen.

This should not be that hard to do if both genders decide that having loving, physical contact in marriage settings is good for everyone in the marriage, and then if both parties do gentle, mutually supportive, and enjoyable things with each other to make that happen.

We need people in a marriage to like each other as people, because doing many things is much easier to do and even more fun to do when you do them as friends.

MEN OFTEN DEEPLY APPRECIATE THE APPEARANCE OF THEIR WOMEN

Women need some security in those interactions, and that can be helped to some degree by having both parties being extremely consistent, open and affirmational in their commitment to making each marriage work.

We need to stop insisting that the genders are identical and we need to work hard to enjoy and even optimize the clear differences that often do exist.

We have very low understanding levels on several of those issues in far too many marriages today.

Men tend to visually appreciate the women they love, and a surprisingly large number of women do not see, understand, know, or even suspect how deeply that appreciation of them can run for their men in a marriage and how much they're appreciated now by their husband today when some visual events and interactions that meet those needs happen in their setting for the husband.

The women’s beauty websites can be misleading on some issues because they steer beauty down paths that often aren't at all relevant to the men who they're married to or aligned with.

They fairly often say on the women’s sites that they're creating beauty, in part, to be more attractive to men even though beauty in those areas isn't a priority for the men a high percentage of the time and the level of perfection they aspire to with perfect eye shadow and with magnificent foundational layers aren't relevant to men at any level.

Men aspire to certain levels of physical interaction and security, and the truth is that beauty isn’t part of the agenda for either of those interaction trajectories a high percentage of the time.

Women tend not to see or read the men’s information flows on the internet, and most women in marriages who look at those beauty sites for women and who write about the women in them too often don't have a clue on those sites about how much the men in their marriages aren't focused on the cosmetic achievements created by the sites, and that many of the men would rather actually love and appreciate seeing their wives with few or no clothes or in more exotic, seductive, and revealing clothes in their marital settings as a highly effective source of visual appreciation and even joy for the men.

The status of the clothes worn for obvious seduction purposes is valued by men and more important to men than cosmetic beauty, or decorative perfection that comes from perfect eye shadow or even optimal layers of lipstick that matches the other colors in the makeup collage for the women perfectly at levels not on the radar or visual screen for the men.

Joy can be triggered by wives for many men with a relatively low level of visual content a surprisingly high percentage of the time.

Political correctness makes it hard to have that conversation in America today.

We don’t need to guess about whether having a more simple path to joy in alignment with that instinctive leaning and that sexual interest is possibly true for men, because the lower level of clothing for women that triggers that instinctive reaction happens now, and because men now pay billions of dollars to have it happen.

Many marriages obviously enjoy and create their own sets of sexual visual encounters, and many have their own bosom views now in the marital setting, and many of the men in those marriages are happy and even celebratory about that reality now.

We know that the men in many marriages today don't pay other women for bare naked skin today because many of the married men who do write about those situations and about those actions on men’s sites think it’s a huge win when the woman who loves them treats them in some way to those kinds of visual treats today when they're in their own setting and in their own home.

MEN CAN BE SIMPLE CREATURES

The absolute perfection standard that exists on the beauty websites for women isn't relevant to that experience for those men because a very high percentage of men already love and appreciate and enjoy how their women look — and there are millions of men who now think and believe that seeing those bosoms of their own spouses at any level in their home settings is actually a level of perfection in the relationship and they often believe that it's an extremely good and a much-appreciated gift from the person they love when it actually happens in their marriages and homes.

Men can be very simple creatures.

Women often seriously underestimate how simple many men actually can be, and are.

Perfection and happiness can be achieved for many men with a relatively low level of visual activity and availability from their wife for many of our marriages now, and a very high percentage of the women who do the social media beauty sites so well today currently don't know that to be true or even believe it to be possible.

Selfies tend to be treasured by many men.

Sending selfies of a sexual nature can be very good for the morale and the good will of some marriages, and having two happy people in a setting isn’t a bad outcome for us most of the time.

When men have the women they love doing things visually that cross over into sexual visual exposure levels, a high percentage of men are delighted, pleased, and appreciative that their woman is possibly even enjoying how much their man enjoys having that visual experience happen in that setting for him.

That's a very personal and direct experience for the man to have their wife sharing that visual treat because it's actually happening for him with the woman he loves in real time, and a high percentage of women are insecure about their own appearance and don't know or understand that it’s relevant or even possible to have that high level of positive and immediate impact on their husband — and very possible to make him very happy in real time with that approach to being seen.

We want marriages to succeed, and there are a few things that we know can make many marriages better in relatively harmless and potentially high-impact ways with visual support.

Women who are cautious about those visual possibilities and options should experiment in safe ways with the possibility that particular insight is true and should safely treat their husband in some ways to visual delights and then see how well that approach works with him. Try a couple of times in case he thinks your first exposure is an accident of some kind and a blessing rather that a gift.

Women don’t need to be perfect for that process to work.

Beauty and cosmetics links and an array of sites that flood the internet do call for various levels of perfection and they actually do achieve some amazing and beautiful results for some of the people adorned by that cosmetic achievement, and some of those results on some of the women’s sites do approach perfection.

Men aren't looking for perfection in the visual sexual trigger activities and realities.

Men tend to be delighted, pleased, and even excited by a selfie from their wife that achieves its own level of perfection for the man who gets it, because it’s the woman who they love sharing a sight that they love as a man and because the woman they love is doing it for them in a very personal way.

We don’t explain those realities and we don’t share those very simple visual impacts and trigger issues well enough in too many settings.

As a woman, if you're trying to improve and enhance your marriage and create most positive interactions with your spouse, then adding more visual content to the relationship can be good and surprisingly easy.

Test it out in safe ways.

Have your significant other read this thought piece if it seems directionally correct to share it with him or her, and ask if it makes sense.

We need to have conversations in each marriage about what the men hope for in the visual treats and information they get from their wives, and hopefully many women will find being more deeply appreciated by the man who loved them well enough to actually marry them isn’t a bad place to be and it's maybe good to do for both of you to be there.

We need people just to talk openly about those issues and then we need people in each marriage to do loving and respectful and situationally fun things to deal with those opportunities and issues.

We should do a much better job of explaining what we aspire to in our marriage at several levels, and we need to be open to honest conversation about all of those issues.

We should make the commitment to have our marriages succeed and to become tightly allied with, and entirely supportive of, our spouse in marital settings, and we should make a win-win commitment to each other that we take great pride in achieving.

Those are good trajectories.

We are, however, headed for some dangerous ground on a couple of other issues.

We have problems in a couple of areas looming directly in front of us.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is now in the loop, and it might be in the loop in a bad way and be there for a long time.

Artificial girlfriends exist now.

A much bigger problem that will be growing over time is that AI is on a fast track now to create artificial girlfriends that can very much derail some of the progress that we need to make with each other in our marriages today.

AI is now in the girlfriend business.

There are a number of men who aren't in relationships of any kind, and we're now on a very fast track to have that need and that service met by AI services and programs that can give some men the functional equivalent of an electronic sexual girlfriend now and that girlfriend can be purchased today on your cell phone and delivered wherever you want it to happen.

The new AI psychology services have had some major successes, and there’s a growing number of people whose new best friend might be their computer.

There are a number of sexual-related activities that are going down those paths at a rapid rate now.

WE NEED ARTIFICIAL MACHINES AND ROBOTS TO SERVE US RATHER THAN SEDUCE US

The AI machines now have vendors selling their services to men as computer girlfriends. The AI systems know the kinds of language, the visual triggers, and the sexually linked verbal persuasion points that are most effective with some men to get them to enroll on those sites and to pay for new sets of verbal and visual services, and then to use them as a major interaction factor with their lives that stimulates and supports some highly instinctive sexual behaviors for many men.

The ads in the social media world for those new electronic girlfriend interaction tools are extremely well done and many men could find them attractive at multiple levels as an easy way to have some of their sexual interests activated and then to have some of their sexual needs met by the tools and by the interactions and processes.

That isn’t a hypothetical threat or theoretical warning. It's happening today, and the sad reality is that the customer base for those sorts of electronic girlfriend tools is probably growing rapidly.

Instagram and other social media outlets have a growing number of sex sites that are beginning to build their own customer base in the male population, and their communication processes and their visual enticements are extremely effective and continuously improving.

Male sexual instincts are highly visual, so those programs and processes rely on those triggers to get people signed up for the programs and businesses that underly them, and many men find that process to be an easy and pleasant way of being sexually triggered and then sexually activated and even satisfied.

One wise faith leader said that he couldn't imagine any woman in this country who would be willing to pay a robot to say he loved her, but it’s much easier to find men who want to hear that seductive language from an electronic friend, and who want to see those visual treats and who think that paying to hear that said seems like a good use of money and a good business opportunity for the businesses who create those kinds of services and those products.

ACTUAL SEX ROBOTS ARE FOR SALE NOW

Even more disconcertingly and alarmingly, several robotics companies are now building and selling full-size lifelike sex-toy robots and those companies are building and selling extremely beautiful and lifelike robots that can bear a frightening resemblance to real people for a number of sexual procedures and approaches.

It’s possible today to visit Instagram and to buy a sex robot that's extremely beautiful and has perfect breasts and is saying kind, loving, and extremely sexual and seductive things with a sexually talented mouth to the people who decide to buy and own them.

No one saw this coming.

Sex dolls have been sold for many years in what were very inert forms and even the inert forms had some customers. But we now have animated and beautiful full-size sex toys that men who want that set of sexual experiences and services can buy for relatively little money and those gadgets and machines are continuously improving because the people who build them are making that improvement agenda part of the sales process and are doing it well.

It's possible today to buy full-size sex robots with perfect bodies and with high levels of direct sexual contact at a very physical level, and there's a growing market that we can see on the internet for those mechanical sex machines that can and will actually serve their owners in very physical sexual ways and who say enticing and highly sexually programmed things that some customers will find dangerously attractive as part of the selling process.

The basic social media venues now offer an array of sex robots that can be customized with the human face that the purchaser prefers to have on their own machine.

Beautifull sex toys are now part of the reality that we face today.

We need to not have sex robots defining our future and steering too many people into bad and irresponsible behaviors.

We need to steer in the right directions now, and we need to help each other get to better places at several levels now.

So where are we now and what should we do next??

WE NEED TO BUILD CONNUBIAL BLISS INTO OUR MIND SET AND OUR OWN PERSONAL AGENDA

We should do better than that for our own lives in our interactions with each other and we should do it now.

Marriage should win.

We need to make marriage highly functional and often wonderful for the people who down that path.

We should marry other real people and we should create, build, and support extremely good marriages that are sexually real and that give us very much the right interactions and the right support for our lives.

We should go down a very different path for major areas of that behavior and agenda, and we should rise to a higher level by creating great marriages and very real and loving sex, and by creating a community and culture of spouses who love each other and who support each other in effective ways and who have real love and real support for our own lives that gives us all a better future and pathway.

We should possibly make Connubial Bliss the reality that Swedenborg thought we should be going down anyway because it’s the right thing at the macro level for us to do and because it feels right to us as people to love someone and then to support that person we love in our own lives in effective, enlightened, caring, sexually informed, and mutually supportive ways.

Reverend Swedenborg believed that God wanted us to be on that path, and he might have been right because it often feels so right when we do it well and because we have much better lives when it happens.

We need to marry people and we need to make direct and real commitments to our spouse that make that the best relationship of your life.

We'll see if we do this right and if we commit to each other to love each other and if we commit to enjoy the blessings and the bliss that we can create from our marriage, then we can each have a very different future than the one we will have without that commitment and we will have meaningful lives rather than simple trajectories of conflicted and meaningless existence in our various inter group settings.

Life is too short not to get this important set of actions and beliefs right — and to have it support and guide out lives in effective, caring, and wise ways.

Instincts are key.

Let’s understand our entire packet of instinctive behavior, and let’s steer ourselves into a future where we aren’t killing each other as tribes, but are loving each other as couples because we're enlightened people and loving is the right thing to do.

The Institute for Inter Group Understanding has some advice about the issues we will face if we don’t go down those paths.

Let’s not tribalize and hate each other in group settings. That would be a stupid way to live and we don’t need to do it when we can do caring and enlightened things in those settings instead.

We need to make truth telling a major part of who we are as a people, and we should definitely also make saying only things that we know are true to our marital partners — to the man or woman that we're committed to create and sustain connubial bliss within our own lives, and to the community around us.

We need to understand our instincts and build win-win relationships for our marriages and for the communities we live in.

We could create a golden age for America if we do this right and we can each create a golden age for ourselves in our own lives just by doing the Peace section of this website with our spouse and then make those positive and supportive behaviors real for the person we love.

Let’s do the right things for the right reasons, and let’s lead good and supportive lives from now on, because we're on that trajectory with our lives and it’s the path we should all be on.