We need to see and understand in honest and clear ways where we are now and then steer to the best blend of who we are for our instincts, beliefs, and values as a blessing and a strength so that we can create the best lives for us all in the modern world we live in today, and so we can make the right decisions at multiple levels in each of our actual lives.

On our Gender related issues, we have a long history of doing negative and damaging things in too many gender-related areas of our lives — and we need to make good decisions on those issues that can give us a future of personal success and inter group and collective strength in intentional and enlightened ways that should be possible if we understand the situations we're in and make good decisions based on the opportunities we have now, and if we do the right things in the right ways on our gender-related issues given the realities that now exist on those issues for the functional context of our lives.

We have an imperfect mixed history on those issues, and we need to understand how to build on the best features of where we are for those areas.

It’s a mixed reality today.

The truth is that we're all sinners and we are all, if we make the right choices and make the right decisions, also saints.

We've sinned on some gender-related issues at multiple levels in multiple ways — and we need to stop sinning in some key areas of our lives to achieve what we should be achieving now for this situation and for this reality and point in time.

As a country, we've discriminated against people by race, ethnicity, and tribe, and we've also discriminated massively and very consistently by gender and by sex, and we need to build on that reality to give ourselves the future in those key areas that will benefit us in the most positive and beneficial gender-related ways for the rest of our lives.

We need to understand and we need to include sex, itself, in that functional reality for where we need to be acting and interacting as people who want Peace to happen for us all and who are willing to do positive things to make that happen.

We have strong and powerful sexual instincts, and they should enhance and enable our lives — rather than undermine and damage the future trajectories that we should be on and actually undermine and cloud our thinking in major areas of our lives.

We can’t plan our future trajectory for instinctive behavior and do it well for all of us unless we include and then benefit from the instincts that relate to sex and to basic reproduction as well as to our tribal group alignment instinct triggers and then make them all part of the context and the reality we set up for our lives and for the settings where we will live those lives.

Sex is obviously extremely relevant and important to us at a directly functional and physical level because it obviously determines whether we'll have a future for purely biological reasons and because it has strong instinctive linkages to sexual interests, sexual thinking, and sexual activities that affect who we are, what we do, and how we think and feel a very high proportion of the time.

Our cultures have dealt in very explicit and sometimes complicated ways with sex since our first days of existence, and we often find that our personal energy and thoughts are linked to sexual activities, interests, and beliefs in powerful and obvious ways.

Gender is real.

Gender actually matters for our daily and physical lives.

Gender creates context at multiple levels for a wide range of issues and realities.

Basic biological realities and functionalities have caused cultures everywhere to treat people differently by gender in both positive and negative ways and we need to understand where we are now on those issues, behaviors, and beliefs that link to that aspect of our biology and we need to figure out the directions that work well for each of our biological realities and that can give us the very best and positive potential sexual impacts for our communities and our lives.

At the most foundational level, gender matters in significant ways.

We have two biological genders.

Pure biology drives those two genders and what they create for each of us in our lives.

We need to factor that reality into our thinking and we need to understand what it means on a functional level as we make key decisions about our lives.

We're clearly not identical with each other in important ways that we need to understand and figure out to give each of us the best interactions with those issues that we can create for ourselves as we interact with one another with everyone benefiting appropriately and being affected directly from and by the gender that's our destiny and our life context and agenda.

The Institute for InterGroup Understanding in its entirety and core function is focused on interactions between various groups, and it's legitimate to also think of our genders as groups who we want to have positive and effective interactions with each other.

The Institute for InterGroup Understanding is intended and was created to help groups in communities engage in positive and productive ways with each other by doing intelligent, honest, enlightened, well-meaning, and well-planned things with other groups in ways that create positive outcomes and situations for each setting, and there are several books and many thought pieces and advisory notes and descriptions included in the website, along with tools to help make that process and approach happen.

Those thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors are all anchored in the instincts that are hard wired into our thoughts and thought patterns that we see in every setting where people exist and interact.

Men and women in our culture clearly have group identity, group behavior patterns, group interactions, and group emotions and beliefs that steer our lives.

We have significant social media links for both men and women that are creating interactions, and many of those interactions are happening in the context of an overall society that supports marriage and makes marriage a primary anchor for what we do and how and why we interact.

Other cultures everywhere on the planet make marriage an extremely important part of the gender reality for each setting. We're not unique in that pattern. One of the key sets of interactions and interaction patterns that exists in most cultures on the planet is for marriage to exist and for marriage to be a key part of the inter gender interactions and realities.

We should use the Institute learnings, wisdom, and insight about effective inter group interactions to help create success in those marital interactions as well.

The Institute believes that many people will be married and believes that we should have intelligent, honest, well-meaning, and well-designed thought pieces in the Institute tool kit to support that reality when it happens and to increase the success levels of existing marriages.

Courtship, romance, and various levels of flirtations and amorous interactions are all part of that package of instinctive behaviors, and marriage is often tied to those activities and approaches for married people.

We should do all of those interactions well and we should take advantage of the extremely high level of resources available to people today from multiple sources to help those interactions succeed.

Gender is very important to the overall interaction process for a significant number of people in almost all settings.

Both genders have their role in those approaches, interactions, and processes — and we should understand what that means for that reality.

We should steer each gender to have the benefits of their important aspects and characteristics to create life trajectories and experiences that we should want as people living in this time and era and in this situation and setting that we've created as a people, and that give us the right lives for who we each want to be in our world that's our reality and opportunity for now, and to make the best combination of gender-related approaches and gender relevant activities to make that happen.

We need to apply the basic strategies of instinctive peace building created and supported by our Institute for InterGroup Understanding and beliefs to our gender relations, interactions, and approaches to create success with those interactions.

At the macro level, we need to be an Us on sexual issues as much as we should and can become an Us on tribal and community issues in order to create inter group Peace in America and to have both genders interacting in the most positive and effective ways in each relationship.

In the same way that we need to become an Us against the extreme temptations of tribal thinking that can divide us into Us and Them at a group level, we need to become an Us in our gender approaches that optimizes and benefits from the fact that we're not biologically identical with each other across gender lines, and that we should consider two interlocking genders to be a major asset and a blessing in our lives — not a reason for conflict, stress, division, or unhappiness with each other with group thinking going forward from here.

We haven't been perfect in some of our gender-related behaviors over the course of our history.

We have a long history of discriminating against women at multiple levels.

We didn't even give women the right to vote in this country until the most recent century, and we've discriminated against women at multiple levels in ways that we see happen clearly in cultures across the planet that often continue many of those negative behaviors today.

We have settings and cultures on the planet where women are not allowed to participate at many levels in their world today. We weren't the most damaging cultures for women — and we're far ahead of where the worst and most damaging settings still are today.

When we try to understand the world from the context of instinctive behaviors, it’s clear that what we did here as a nation and a people has to have some instinct-related factors and impacts that we still probably have as potential for affecting future values, beliefs, and behaviors here for us as a nation.

Discrimination against women clearly has some instincts that were creating at least some of those behaviors and realities.

At the most basic level, the sheer reality of existence is that we can’t succeed as a species if we don’t support women on some key areas of activity and functionality.

We obviously and clearly need women as a species and we should appreciate and support that need at multiple levels and if we want to create the best future for ourselves, we should have both genders succeeding at multiple levels and we should believe that we all deserve to be equal and equitable in our key areas of our existing.

What is true is that only women can have babies, and babies are obviously extremely important to us as a species.

That's a reality that we've sometimes dealt with in inappropriate and suboptimal ways and the truth is that we don’t deal with very well today in too many of our settings now where women have babies and then don’t get the support that those babies need now in any appropriate and effective ways.

We have far too many situations on our planet, and even in our own country, where women have babies and then don’t get the high and consistent levels of support that they need to optimize their success as mothers in those settings.

That's wrong when it happens — and we should do what we can in each setting in our country and our communities to give each new mother the support they need to optimize the care for their child.

We need babies in order to survive as a species. We need to have offspring, and we need them to survive and hopefully thrive in each setting where we exist now.

As we look at various inter group realities today, we're well served to remember and understand where our history has taken us on some of those issues.

In the early days of our species, when we were hunter-gatherers in our various villages, we often had very assigned roles by gender. We were hunters and we were gatherers and the assignments given in each setting while we lived in huts and caves included both sexes as a package of behaviors and that created some patterns of behavior for both hunting and gathering that were gender specific in visible and relevant ways that we see some echoes of today and now in some of our settings.

In many of our earliest pre-city historical settings, we had some very basic gender-based behavior patterns that we believe were consistent from setting to setting. We can see some of those behavior pattern in the various settings on our planet where we still have those group needs and assignments. The men in each group tend to.be generally assigned to protect their group, and in many settings, they were typically expected to hunt the game that created some of the core and needed survival calories for families and groups in many settings.

The women in those early settings were often in charge of the tent or cave, and we believe that women generally created and enhanced the nests that people slept in for comfort and functionality in those settings, and we believed that those functions and activities were a good use of their energy and their time for each gender group and those gender roles felt right to us as we did them in all of those settings.

Biology has always been extremely relevant to those overall patterns of assignments and processes.

We clearly needed women to have babies and to nurture them and protect them in ways that enabled them to survive and to thrive when possible.

It seems that women in most of those early cultures also gathered and prepared and delivered the food for their family in each setting, and made it available to the relevant people in relevant ways that were aligned with the expectations that each culture creates for those outcomes and activities.

We raise our children very slowly as a species and that means that we need to feed and protect them for the better part of a decade at, a minimum level, to make sure they don’t all die after being born and actually had the best chance of surviving to an old age.

The basic roles and assignments in those settings relied on people doing the right thing for each culture. They relied on both men and women in a family staying with the family for functionally important and relevant lengths of time and doing what each culture expected them to do.

Our cultures serve our instincts in every setting. Our cultures are the sets of rules and expectations we set up in every community to achieve the goals and expectations that our instincts create. Our cultures give us the tools we need to make our instincts successful in each setting.

Our cultures have been important to us in every setting, and we each tend to want to be aligned with what our cultures expect us to do because we tend to believe that our cultures define for us what the right thing to do is for every basic component of our behavioral lives — and we tend to feel better if what we do fits what we believe our culture tells us, guides us, directs us and wants us to do.

We're hard wired with core instincts to be loyal to our group and we're hard wired to follow the cultures created by each group setting to guide our behavior and we can feel stress at an instinctive level if we're not in alignment with the expectation of our culture and if that alignment difference is visible and known to us.

We tend to be extremely cultural people, and that's evolving today in some ways because we now have a wide range of new factors, processes, and communications from social media and from our community about basic cultural issues.

Our cultures give us strong steerage from those social media sources and they're now sometimes seen to be a moving target with the world we're in now because they change in key areas much more often than they used to and we're all tightly aware of and linked to the culture we're in and we tend to make awareness of those expectations and directions a major priority of our lives.

Social media is now key part of that process for developing the working cultures in every setting, and our old culture in many settings very much reinforces the old group direct interaction processes that we've had in place since the dawn of time and that makes us vulnerable to not being as current as we need to be in this day and age with the world we're developing and building.

This isn't a new set of interactions for us if you look at what social media actually does and creates in real time in each setting, and what it's now telling us to do a high percentage of the time.

Social media is powerful and effective, and it now tends to give us direct and real-time interactions with whomever we each select as our personal group and source of guidance.

The new social media tool kit echoes the old kinds of immediacy and some direct levels of intimacy that we used to have as our usual interactions with each other when we shared a hut or a cave and interacted with each other in real time.

We instinctively liked being in those cave-based groups when that was the way we lived, and we like now having Instagram and similar tools link us to whomever we choose to help us meet that social need and expectation, because we're very social beings and the new tools that we often love using on an almost obsessive basis actually functionally now let us repeat, echo, and enhance the old cave linkages that were our patterns for eons in those settings in entertaining and interesting ways that give us new leverage today.

Today, we're all basically aligned with the cultures being created around us by social media and by our group settings.

We tend to feel good when our behavior and when the expectations of our cultures from our social media are aligned with what we're doing for our lives and we can feel anxiety, unhappiness, distress, and even sometimes fear when we don’t have that sense of alignment for ourselves and our lives and have lost those connections at any level in our current lives.

CULTURE SERVES OUR INSTINCTS AT MULTIPLE INTERACTIVE LEVELS

We're so linked and so tied to our cultures and we accept their steerage for our lives so well that we will actually sometimes set up situational cultural rules for standing in line at airports, and people in the airport line will sometimes feel real anger at a visceral instinct-linked and reinforced level if someone violates those rules in that setting for the line they're actually in there waiting for their plane. The anger for that behavior will feel right to the people because it links to their cultural expectation programming for rule setting in that moment and place and because people in those settings often tend to agree with each other and strongly support the rules and the expectations that those cultures create.

'Situational' is actually a basic underpinning for major parts of our cultures in every setting, because we have strong leanings from our instincts on multiple levels and then we create cultures about how to turn those leanings into what we do today and do now in each setting.

There isn’t a basic standard set of clear and rigid culture factors built into our instincts that we move from site to site and setting to setting as we live our lives.

Each group creates its own culture and we tend to build our cultures in very explicit ways with the intent of achieving the goals and the expectations that our instincts create.

Loyalty is a powerful instinctive behavior.

We tend to feel great loyalty to our groups and we extend that loyalty to the cultures that our groups create.

We all tend to believe that our cultures are somehow right at a core level.

There tends to be many rules about men and women in every culture — and we can see why some of those rules exist if we look at both our biology and our relative instinctive behaviors that relate to core functional issues for the people involved.

Our cultures have roles for men and women about the basic functioning of every setting. Some of the cultural expectations for women that seem to exist everywhere clearly relate to keeping our children healthy and alive, and some of the cultural expectations we see for men are clearly intended to protect and enable and support those processes and the families they create.

After women gave birth, the people in every setting needed an ongoing supply of food to keep the children alive. If we look at those settings where those kinds of family gatherings exist today, or existed in the recent past, the usual model in many settings was to have men skilled at hunting, fishing, and at the various kinds of protein collection processes that were needed by each group to keep the family fed and alive.

Men often were expected by their cultures to hunt for food, and the male behaviors reinforced that process and created a sense of alignment for those men in that setting when they did those hunting tasks and roles well and ended up with the results that the processes are intended to create.

Mothers protected the children. Mothers also tended to maintain the hut and to cook or prepare the food for the family and group. They did a lot of gathering of nuts and berries, in many settings and the cultures of many groups often had those basic food gathering processes creating a major supply of calories as well to keep the family alive.

We don’t have those particular foundational behaviors built into our lives in our societies today, because we now have food sources available to both genders that can satisfy those needs in very direct and effective ways for every family with no division by gender at any level included in the process.

Many families still have gender-specific behavior patterns of women doing more 'food' work and activities, and men doing some of the support and specific logistical work relative to protecting the home, but those patterns today are based on the choices of people in each family setting and they aren't imposed today by culture or even by instinctive alignment.

Women do a disproportionate level of child caring in the majority of settings, and we know that we do tend to have very strong mother instincts, and that’s good for us as a species and as families because children tend to love and appreciate being mothered and women often love doing motherly things for their children and tend to believe that those interactions with their children are wonderful things to do and are a good use of their own energy and time.

It's often a good thing in our lives when we can find ourselves in alignment with our instinctive behaviors and when we can have doing that instinctive activity to be a workable use of our time and lives.

We also have some strong father instincts that are sometimes linked to alpha and territorial instincts, and there’s a solid body of research that says that families with interactive fathers often have healthier and more successful children and families than the homes where that male resource doesn’t exist, and the logistical benefits for family success in those settings of having both parents involved in those processes are obvious.

There's another extremely important additional family related factor that we need people to know and understand because it's so important for the lives of our children.

Neurons matter.

We now have much better brain science for child development and the role of neuron connections than we used to, and we should now use that information with the birth of every child for many family settings because it's extremely important for each child.

We now know that the first weeks, months, and years of life are actually extremely important and that they're biologically game changing for each child.

The First Months And Years Are Extremely Important For Each Child

We should have our children’s success as a key and even top priority for our world going forward from here and we should think of marriage and our alignment processes with each other to be an important part of that package for our children that gives us our best opportunities to have strong brains, solid social development, and skills for our children that we know are most successfully developed when they happen early in the life of each child.

We now know that the first three months are extremely important for the brain development of each child, and we know that there are billions of neurons that are connected in those first weeks and months of life that don't get connected at any other time in the life trajectories for each child.

The children who get direct adult interactions that create those neuron connections in those first weeks and months do well — and we know that the children who don’t get those interactions until after age 4 see their brains go through pruning processes at that point and they end up with much less successful development realities for their lives because their neurons aren't as well connected.

We should build parenting opportunities for every family because those early learning times are so extremely important at directly relevent epigenetic levels for each child, and we should make supporting those interactions a key and strongly supported part of our parenting strategy and agenda in every culture and setting or we'll continue to lead the world in inadequate abilities for far too many of our students and children.

The science is solid and absolutely clear on those early learning processes and about those early epigenetic development opportunities that exist for our children from every group and setting and that can have a huge impact on each and every child and we damage children when we don't support them in that area.

We used to have very poor understandings about what those epigenetic realities are for every child and we did many things in the learning processes that have given us the lowest success levels in the world for far too many of our children.

People used to believe that the key and most important education years were kindergarten to high school for every child. They believed K–12 was the key and most important target time for developmental education abilities for every child.

That belief was wrong.

Neuron connections start on day one for every child, and they can be built by the billions in the first week of life for each child if the right set of interactions actually happen.

We now know that the very first days, weeks, and months of life are clearly the most important times for the individual development for every child.

The developmental and education work that we thought for decades could be done at age 18 for every child will fail if the children don’t get the right levels of support in the first 18 months of life, because the neurons only connect with ease in the first two years of life for every child.

This is extremely important information, and more than half of parents recently surveyed didn't know that process to be true.

We now know that the first two and three months of life for every child are very high-potential and very high-value time for interactions with our children, and we also now know that the neurons in the brains of children connect by the billions in the first two and three years of life when adults interact directly and extensively in loving ways with them.

We know from current epigenetics that massive developmental interactions happen in those first months of life for each child.

We know that the painful and damaging learning gaps in the schools and in families do not exist when children get extensive interaction and get direct and personal support from adults in those very first and highly important timeframes for every child.

It’s also much easier parenting as well when those early interactions happen.

Every child loves getting those interactions with the adults in their lives and they have much better learning skills and a much lower rate of Presumptive Negativity Syndrome at age 5 when those interactions happen at age 2.

We need to set up our family settings to make those interactions possible, and we need to set up our family settings to give us better levels of success with a wide range of interactions happen.

The single most important thing we can do for our children, in addition to giving them a safe place to live and enough food to survive and be healthy, is to interact with each child in the first months and years of life when those interactions create billions of neuron connections in each child and that gives the children the thinking strength and ability that allows them succeed mentally for the rest of their lives.

The brain changes at age 4 and purges unused connections, so the children who are behind at age 5 stay behind for life.

We know that the brain purges itself of unused neurons at age 4, and the children who don't get the right stimulation in the first weeks and months of life are significantly less likely to do well as adults.

We know that the children who cannot read in those first years are far more likely to go to jail — and we know that 60 percent of the people who were in jail in Scotland were people who couldn't read in their high school years.

We also know from a couple of studies that 60 percent of the children who are now in our own jails were behind by high school — and we know that the ones who got support in those first years do well in those settings.

We need to help every family and we need to help every child.

We should also understand that marriages are more likely to succeed if we help everyone get the right start in their earliest days, weeks, and years for each relationship, and we know that sexual activity can be a major reason for marriages to fail or succeed at a very direct level for each married couple.

We need to get marriages off to the right start and we need each married couple to have fun and to create happiness and joy as a couple by beginning immediately to do the right things for each wedded pair and then by building on that joy directly and immediately together, because it reinforces itself when you do that right and it feels so good that you do it just because it’s so obviously the right thing to do.

Couples should learn immediately what gives them joy as a couple and then continue to do that in very intentional ways because it’s good to do and feels good when you do it.

Sex and fun happen for newly married people — and each couple should stay on that track because it feels so fun to do and life is better when you do it.

We also very much live in a world where our entire package of instincts are relevant to us and definitely help create the instincts the trajectories that we're each on. We're creatures of our cultures, and being aligned with each other has major cultural components that we need to understand.

Sex is obviously an important part of that entire process of creating our offspring.

Actual physical fertilization requires sexual interaction.

Before birth happens or is possible, we need people from each relevant gender to interact with each other in ways that cause and enable sexual activity that triggers fertilization to occur.

Those activities can be some of the most interesting and enjoyable things we get to do as beings and as people who are triggered by those sets of instincts.

We flirt.

We court.

We entice.

We do seductive things that tend to achieve and activate both our focus and our sense of enjoyable interactions with each other that can feel like the most important set of behaviors in our lives when those instincts are in gear.

We have a wide range of behaviors and interactions that cause us to act in highly motivated ways that don’t exist in any other area of our lives and to be focused on our sexual subject, object, and target with high levels of energy, focus, and sometimes almost obsessive interest.

Our cultures can reflect that set of interests, activities, goals, and objectives with a level of energy and focus that has no other equal sense of priority or commitment in any other part of our lives.

Our cultures and settings can have rich veins of courting behaviors, relationship linkages, and interactions that are often enjoyable and emotionally motivating for the people doing the courting, and the truth is that we will only survive to have future generations to happen if we're successful in that process and create productive and positive romantic and emotional connections with one another.

We need to court.

Courting is a survival instinct.

Courting and sexually engaging interactions are an instinctive behavior that we see in a wide and interesting variety of ways in various settings as we create the interactions that give us some sets of relationships that can be very important to our future as a people and even as a species because they get us to engage in the right things at the right time for every process.

Courting is one of the sometimes important behaviors that we often love to do and can and and that se sometimes commit to doing with high levels of energy because it can feel so right to us to do it and to have those interactions for both genders when those instincts are triggered.

Courtship is very clearly an instinctive behavior, and we have various kinds of courtship behaviors in every culture. We clearly have courting instincts, and both genders seemed to have parts of the courtship process that they liked doing and made a priority at some levels for their lives and interactions with each other.

We tend to do courting activities that create interactions between men and women at multiple levels — and we sometimes make courtship processes important components, developments, and tee up behaviors for some of the most important interactions of our lives.

We have elaborate and clearly choreographed courting interactions at multiple levels that people can prioritize as important parts of who they are and what they do in various interactions of their lives because they end up with people finding each other and creating alignments and linkages that work for their lives.

When we court each other, we can end up with people interacting with each other and we often have people making decisions about who they choose for lifetime alignment decisions as part of the courting processes.

A major goal of the courtship interactions for people is to somehow enter into a sexual contact or sexual relationship and a very directly personal relationship with the person they're courting that can result in fertilization happening.

Sex is a key piece and goal of that entire approach and agenda.

Sex is an extremely important instinctive interaction all by itself, and it's the hope, goal, and aspiration of a very high proportion of men and of a high proportion and high percentage of women to be in a sexual relationship that meets the sexual needs and satisfies the sexual interests of the people who enter into it.

SEX IS AN INSTINCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Sex can be a blessing and a positive experience and a beneficial activity for people when it happens in ways that work in functional, supportive, and appropriate ways for the people involved — and it's also a hugely powerful, important, and directionally correct instinctive behavior for many other species in the time frames and the settings when it's the right thing to do to activate and trigger basic sexual activities for each species.

Wolves have instincts about sexual behavior, and wolves and other species that have sexual activity all seem and tend to make it a very real and important priority for their thoughts, actions, and behaviors at the exact point in the process where it's needed at a functional level for that species to succeed and to survive as a species.

Those patterns of sexual behavior are entirely specific and explicit to each species and they're not identical at any level as a generic set of behaviors between species because they're so tied to the design and the life processes of each species that they all clearly are exactly right for that set of beings in that setting and that timeframe when they occur.

Videos of lions sometimes show male and female lions doing obviously loving and sexually energized interactions that human relationships can sometimes echo, and the family affection of the lead lion and his mate in some videos also give people some interaction patterns that we obviously can find relevant to our own behavior in some parts of who we are.

Stallions and mares also have obvious and clear patterns that relate to sexual activity with immediate relevancy to horses and involve direct and sometimes direct physical contact with obvious instinctive links for the horses and clear acts of impregnation that allow those species to survive.

We can also see that with a similar equally clear underlying motivation for species survival that female salmon are also driven and soft-wired by their own instincts to get to the exact right place to lay their eggs and to create that opportunity to impregnate, and the male salmon will then actually sometimes swim 1000 miles or more to fertilize those exact eggs. There’s no relation, alignment, link, or even contact between any male or female salmon on that entire river trajectory as they each made their extremely important and completely separate functional commitment to that site and to the exact process that results in a fertilized egg for those fish.

Those very clear and focused behaviors are clearly the highest priority behaviors for both male and female fish for that time, and those millions of fish don’t have any other focus than that process when that particular set of sexual activities and behaviors is needed for that species to survive.

It works as a process for male and female salmon to have parallel and aligned pathways to fertilization, and it also works for stallions and mares to have direct interaction, focused and highly aware linkages, and even some competition of sorts for who gets to impregnate whom in each herd, and both of those species survive because that’s how they deal with sex as a species and because fertilization actually functionally and physically happens for the females in each species in that process with each of those trajectories in ways that cause that entire process to be a success for both genders in each species.

Being sexually successful for both genders is a model that obviously can, should and does have very high relevance to us, and we might actually have one of the broadest ranges of sexual interactions of any species — because we also need to successfully achieve actual and explicit impregnation and, then we also need and aspire to successfully achieve long-term interaction in our nesting behaviors and the marital context we use over time with intermittent and ongoing sexual contact between us is a major part of the tool kit that keeps us successful as families and keeps us active as social creatures in our settings and makes us just as biological as every other set of beings that use two genders to reproduce.

Sex can be a good part of that process, and we'll be well served as conscious and intelligent beings if we take advantage of the best components of that process and have it give us pleasant and positive lives as well as continuing survival of our genes.

Both are good.

The truth is that we can have sex itself play an ongoing and long-term role in our lives, and that extended interaction with sexual activity at a variety of levels in a variety of ways actually helps our species survive and thrive.

We know that to be true because we've actually survived, and because we also tend to thrive in the settings we live in today and it's the context that we use to create and then protect and maintain our children.

We're intellectual beings, so we have the ability to see that part of our lives in a broader context that gives us a sense of who we are on that set of issues and we have the ability to take our enjoyment and our appreciation of the various sexual processes and gender-relevant interactions and to have the entire process add enjoyment and pleasure in creative ways to our lives in ways that give us better lives and success in building our communities and families and marriages, and giving the next generation a context to build on for their trajectory and lives.

Other species can inspire and reinforce us with some of their sexual behaviors.

We obviously can see, appreciate, and understand how a wide range of species do explicit and specific sexual things at the right moments in time to keep their species intact and to have their species perpetuating itself in highly programmed and very species explicit sexual behaviors that tend to repeat for every generation and for each fertilization process that happens for each species, and we can also see that sex plays a much bigger role in human lives and that we should figure out how to do that with optimal results for us as a species and for us as individual people who should have good lives, with sex sometimes an important, positive, and interesting element of our lives.

In the context of our overall species and our lives, sex can actually be a beneficial, motivating, and often positive activity and process when we create and achieve the right alignments between sexual behaviors in our settings, our communities, and in our own lives and then when we channel and support their role in our own lives to help us live our lives in appropriately supportive ways that we understand and channel effectively in very intentional ways that enable us to reproduce as well as survive and even thrive in the world we live in today.

Our cultures have each set up multiple expectations and rule sets about sexual behaviors, and the cultures for each group tend to create those expectations with the goal of both meeting our instinctive behavior goals and achieving the success and biological survival strategies of each group we belong to today and to also give our lives some pleasant and interesting aspects that we don't see in any other species that we're aware of today.

We have thoughts, ideas, and sexual fantasies that probably don't exist for any other species, but that do give us some additional ways of achieving pleasure, connection, comfort, and focus that can add layers of interest to our lives and that can affect our interactions in those areas in positive and supportive ways when we choose to pursue them.

We do have some traditional behaviors from our history as a species that still shape much of what we do today in our sexual and behavioral interactions.

We have a number of behaviors and expectations that were created in our cultures by that hunter-gatherer reality for our ancestors to steer male and female behaviors and activities for the group into functional realities for each setting.

We're in a very different functional and economic reality for our people today than we were in our earlier days, but we have a long history as a species of being organized in the context of hunter-gatherer settings, and many of our culture expectations that still guide us today were based on that set of functional realities and have been carried into current times by the momentum created by our cultural histories of following those patterns of behaviors in our lives — and because we all instinctively tend to believe that what our cultures tell us to do in each setting is the right thing to do.

Some of our cultural patterns today have obvious links to the functional realities that we faced in our hunter-gatherer years as a species. We have some very different sexual realities in many important ways today — and we currently have a much higher level of flexibility in the sexual roles and activities available to us now compared even to the expectations of just a few decades back into our history.

Some of the goals, functional behaviors, interactions, cultural guidelines, and expectations that we used to see for us in our settings were intended to keep the males in each group in long-term and highly supportive contact with their family setting and with their biological tribe.

In many of those social and functional tribal groupings and settings, the cultures very much wanted the males in the setting to continue to hunt game and to protect the hearth against wild cats and hungry bears after the woman is impregnated and has given birth, so most cultures built a reward system of some kind to encourage the males to stay in the family setting and to support the males to have them not abandon the immediate family that's most relevant to his genetic trajectory.

When we look at our patterns of instinctive behaviors that created our cultures in our various settings, we can see that one reward that some early non-urban cultures used with some levels of success to make that loyalty and consistency happen for males in many settings earlier in our history as a species was actually sex itself.

Sex can be an extremely pleasant and positive thing, and it's often a priority interest and an intellectual focus for many of our people at least part of the time, so we knew that many of our early cultures had rules, expectations and even laws that allowed both men and women to have sex only in the context of their marriage.

Some cultures even did serious damage to some men in their group who had sex outside of that marital context, and both men and women in many of those settings knew that if they wanted to have sex be part of their lives, the only functionally and culturally allowable way for that to happen in that setting was to be with one’s wife or husband for sex and for all sexually connected behaviors.

Sex can be a very good thing for people and marriages can also be a very good and foundational thing for the stability of the group to support people’s lives, so many cultures linked the two in obvious and effective ways for the long-term success of the community and the likelihood of ongoing marital success.

Marriages were invented and supported by cultures as a standard and common practice both to enable sex and to cause higher levels of survival and success for each set of parents in making sure that families are the tools used to raise our children and to serve as the primary context for long-term interactions in each of our settings.

We're on that path now.

Like Eagles, We Tend To Mate For Life

We tend to marry and then we also usually generally agree to mate for life in our current culture.

We know that's clearly a chosen cultural practice for our culture and setting and it's not an instinctive behavior in the sense of being wired into us biologically in some physical way, as opposed to being a cultural path that we've chosen by our own volition and could theoretically choose another path if that makes sense for any set of us today.

That means that our explicit instincts for those behaviors are clearly not as powerful as the eagles who only do that magnificent high-risk mating flight with one other eagle in their world and then they each completely stop looking for other opportunities to mate after that magnificent and clearly somewhat dangerous event and then they do all the things that eagles do with their mate to make their offspring successes in their own lives.

They build sometimes magnificent nests for that eagle marriage process.

We actually nest a bit like eagles ourselves in many of our own marriages.

We have great and very real houses that give us very good nests for our families a high percentage of the time.

We have marriage in all of our settings and cultures, and it tends to be an important thing for people everywhere to be married.

Today — as people — we should want marriages to succeed and we should want to make people’s lives better, because we are at the point in our culture and our history where we do what gives our marriages enough positive outcomes to enable most people to marry, and we should now know enough about our own instinctive behavior at multiple levels to use that knowledge to help our marriages succeed.

If we decide that we want marriage to be an important part of our lives because they provide so many benefits and offer so many values for the people who are in marriages, and if we want our marriages to succeed at the highest possible level, then we should teach people how to make successful marriages happen and we should support those successful approaches and best practices for our people who get married.

Some aspects of that teaching on successful marriages are actually common sense and simple good judgement.

We know from feedback from many marriages that many of the very best marriages are between people who are friends with each other.

When you look at marriages that have survived over time, and when you ask those people how their marriage does so well, a very high percentage of them say that their spouse is their friend — maybe their best friend — and they tend to have many of the good feelings toward their spouse that we have for a trusted and appreciated friend.

When a problem arises, and when you're with a friend, you start with good will and with a high likelihood of making the problem something to resolve.

The very best marriages make the truth a guarantee and a commitment, and trust exists for those couples because they don’t feel that people in a marriage should lie to and deceive each other.

Tact and gentle phrasing and careful explanations on some points and issues done with absolute goodwill are sometimes needed to make the truth easy to take, but absolute falsehoods on important issues undermine the likelihood of marital success and should be strongly avoided by each person in the marriage.

Physical attraction is often a key part of marital success.

Most couples court people they're attracted to physically, and that's a great start for the physical attraction process for each couple. Doing sexually visual things can be very important to both parties and particularly appreciated by the man.

Men tend to be instinctively wired for visual impact — and marriages who share sexual visual content and images with each other tend to find that a very good and highly reinforcing thing to do.

The instincts for visual impact seem to be targeted in some areas, and many men seem to have particularly strong instincts to appreciate, enjoy, and even love the bosom of their marital partner, and we know with our new electronic tool kit and from fairly extensive social media feedback that selfies of their spouses are disproportionately treasured and appreciated by a significant number of men and having those views given to them by their women are often considered to be some level of proof for the men of their own value to their women within the relationship.

Visual reinforcement approaches can be developed and determined in the context of each marriage and setting, and we should understand that and appreciate and utilize how much those instincts affect what we do and how we interact with one another in marital settings to create patterns of positive and effective sexual interactions for each of the people in each relationship.

We Should Be Good At Being Married

We should be good at being married.

If we continue to decide that one of our basic values and aspirations, and a key goal for us in our society and our culture, is for us to marry and to be successful in our marriages, then we should figure out what package of instinctive and strategic and intellectual choices, tools, and behaviors gives us the best chance of making that happen, and we should teach that approach to as many people as we can — as effectively as we can teach it.

We should figure out the best pathways, approaches, strategies, and interactions for marriages to succeed and survive and to make lives better for the people who are in them.

Sex, itself, should be a key tool and primary part of that strategy, because it's often such a good thing and because a very high percentage of people want, crave, and desire sex — and because there’s almost nothing else that exists in our world and in our life that has the potential impact, effectiveness, and power of making sex a key part of that strategy and then doing that well in the most effective ways to have each couple succeed in that aspect of their lives.

We actually are a species that's very interested in sex and that has a strong instinct-driven desire for sexual experiences, and the beauty of using that tool and that factor for marriage is that marriage is actually intended, in most cultures, to make sex happen and marriage is more successful when it does work.

Sex can be a great anchor for the marriage agenda and approach.

It makes sense for us to learn how to have marriage enhance the sexual experience of our people in all of our marital settings in intentional and structured ways, and it’s a very good idea to set up ways that make marriages more successful for their participants in those settings by making the physical and sexual parts of their lives that are included in the marriage more positive and extremely available for the people who want it to happen.

We could be well served as a culture and as a society if we do practical things to make that happen.

We also need to do emotional and supportive things to make that happen and to enhance the process for the people involved in it.

We do already tend to start with people who are marrying people that they like and love — and that’s a very legitimate place to start our interaction planning because courtship and romance at various levels are usually part of the pathway for each marriage to happen, and we should take advantage of that tendency and that pattern in our marriage support activities and plans and see it and celebrate it and build on it in every setting.

We should want the best features of our courtship behaviors to extend into our marriages, and that should be easy to do a high percentage of the time, because people very much like being in courtship settings and relationships.

When possible, we should help married couples feel good about each other as a foundation for the process and we should make it very clear to people that couples who like each other end up having better lives and better marriages and should feel good that is happening for them.

We can do very intentional things to make those feelings consistently part of the process, because we know what those patterns that brought people together are now and we can build on them going forward in intentional and grateful and often graceful ways.

We should do process engineering in competent ways to enhance the likelihood of marital success.

People Need Friends

People do need friends.

We want and should encourage people who marry to see their spouse as their friend, ally, compatriot, romantic avenue, love channel, warmth opportunity, and as their emotional support venue and pathway on an ongoing basis in the context of the marriage — and we should do it in a way that creates a personal and consistent safety net for each marriage that's based overwhelmingly on the goodwill that can and usually does exist for the people who are married who see and feel that goodwill from each other as those relationships begin.

We should be very intentional in those relationships.

If people make the explicit, clear, and direct commitment to each other as each marriage begins to very directly work together to make the marriage succeed, then the process starts with extreme goodwill and with the right things to do to have that goodwill felt and returned to each other by the marriage, and certain behaviors from that point on can support and reinforce the likelihood of ongoing good interactions for each couple.

We also do want families to do well, and when married couples are friends, lovers, allies, and compatriots, then that friendship and that underpinning can support those success level realities and it can make lives better for everyone involved and can extend that goodwill to the family setting that they're in.

For the classic marriages that have both biological genders included as the married couple, we need both parties to recognize that men and women have different wiring and different instincts at multiple levels, and we should enjoy, appreciate, celebrate, and work with those sets of instincts in effective ways to make marriages successful in multiple ways when both genders are the context for the commitment and give us a context for those interactions.

We've traditionally started with two genders as a core level for traditional marriages, and we now have a much broader sense of possible alignments for married couples that can all be both successful and good and can all have their own trajectories and pathways to marital success.

We need marriages of all kinds to succeed and do well.

We now can have marriages that are between two men or two women, as well as a woman and a man — and they can all give us great trajectories for success if we make the commitment together immediately to have every marriage succeed and then do the right things with each couple to give them success in that process and in their lives.

We need our very intentional and well-designed marriage strategies to support and help every couple with every alignment possibility, and with every couple approach that's on our possible agenda.

There's a wide range of gender definitions that are possible, and our guideline and our only limit for marriage should be that we limit marriage to two people and that we encourage and support every combination of two that works for those two people.

Two married men can be a good thing.

Two married women can be a good thing.

A man married to a woman can be a good thing.

A woman married to a man can be a good thing.

Each and every combination of two people who are committed to each other can be a good marriage, and every combination that's created should be supported in intentional and informed ways to help it succeed as a marriage.

We need each marriage to be two people who love and who care for each other and who support each other and who each commit and vow to help their marriage be a win-win situation for each person, with no expiration date on the commitment and no limitation on the configurations that we can create for those commitments.

We have a set of alignment triggers as the Institute for InterGroup Understanding that work to bring groups of people together in well-functioning ways, and we need all of those alignment triggers to be used by each marriage to enhance their levels of success as well.

We should be good students of who we are and of the various sets of instincts that we trigger inherently with our very clear and obvious biological realities that exist for each of us, and we should accept, appreciate, understand, and support each of those biological and instinctive packages with grace, understanding, competent responses, and very intentional approaches that are accurate and effective ways of dealing with these issues.

Biological gender clearly creates some patterns of behavior that we can see in our social media realities at multiple levels today, and in the purely physical functions that steer us into clear patterns that we should appreciate and understand to optimize our lives and our interactions with each other.

This particular thought piece has looked at appreciating and understanding instinctive behaviors for each sex, and it looks at the internet and social media content available to us today that has some obvious content alignment by gender and sex, and recognizes that there are learnings from that data set that are incorporated into this set of counsel and advice that includes our full set of genders and with the cultural realities that we have for families and marriages today in our modern world of internet and social media interaction at many levels.

We know that both genders have sexual interests and activities — and we can understand and we know that the patterns of some activities seem to be a bit different in many settings based on both gender, biological sex, and functional realities for the communities and cultures we live in today, and those patterns that we can discern and perceive all tell us things that we need to understand and use in our lives today to give us a peaceful world and success as people together and aligned with our best values.

Some obvious patterns that exist by sex that have social media and societal impact that we should look at, appreciate, understand, and work with in putting together our societies and settings going forward.

Men have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

Women also have some obvious patterns in those functional and social media settings that we should perceive and incorporate into our thinking.

There are some obvious macro patterns for men that we should understand going forward with our lives.

Men have a biological history of having significant and sometimes intense sexual interests at puberty, and every culture has its way of dealing with those factors and with that reality that exists in our species for younger men.

We can see from obvious patterns of behavior that many young men have intense focus and high energy levels directed at sexual issues and that drives their thinking, behaviors, and interactions with other people and with the community and context they live and we know that their cultures and our communities need to address the behaviors that channel those energies and drives in ways that help the group survive over time and that can create good lives for members of the group in the world we live in today.

The normal pattern that we have has young men in most settings to have a strong interest in various levels of sexual activity and contact — and many young men tend to be highly motivated to have that activity and to have those experiences as part of their lives.

Men Tend To Be More Visual

For some young men and settings, that particular motivation creates behaviors and energy levels that cultures need to channel in ways that help each group succeed and survive and to prevent disruptive behavior for the social settings when judgement issues can be challenged and even impaired by the sexual priorities and activities of the men.

Men under the influence of sexual activation can do sometimes stupid, unfortunate, wrong, and even damaging things with those thoughts and energies in gear — and our communities, groups, and cultures all tend to have developed various ways of channeling that energy to less damaging types and levels of activity for those men to get them to adulthood with the best chance of success beyond that point with effective patterns of adult behavior.

A candid and open discussion of those interests and instincts requires honest discussion and sufficient disclosure relative to those thought processes and behaviors by both genders is every setting. We can’t steer clearly to guidance and understanding about future levels of sexual activity for our communities and settings if we don’t factor that interest and that level of energy into the discussions in accurate and honest ways and then understand how we should deal with those instincts and energies now in the context of the cultures we create and live in today.

Most cultures that we can see in those hunter-gatherer settings addressed those issues very directly, and we know that a number of cultures decided to even limit sexual activity only to the family setting for those men.

Sex in any other setting was against the law for both men and women in many cultures, and young men who wanted to have sex in those basic communities dealt with the rule set for many cultures was that men needed to be married and needed to have a wife in order to have that sexual contact and the rule set was that sexual activity was only supposed to happen for those men in the context of that relationship and with their spouse.

Each of our cultures has tried to set the expectations for sexual behavior in their settings and some of the rules and laws we see as expectations for sexual behavior today are the result of those realities.

Several sets of instinctive behaviors are actually activated, triggered, and guided by that set of sexual interests and motivations in each community and setting and we have those realities steering us today.

Marriage, as a legal structure and process, has long given men in every setting and culture the logistical and intellectual confidence and assurances that they were more likely to be the actual biological parent of the children in their family than any other male in the community because only marriage had the woman and the man with sex as a key interaction in their lives and because they were married to the mother of their children.

The issue of accurate parentage for the family is actually still a key factor in our cultural rule set for many settings and countries and it still gets a high level of energy and interest and relevance in too many countries for each family where children exist and where parents are part of the process.

Women always know for a fact which child they gave birth to, but we people in any setting before DNA tests were available could not always tell, determine, or know absolutely who was the actual father of any particular child.

Men have stayed with families over time in many settings because the men believed that the children in that setting came from their lineage, and the very restrictive rules and the very strict requirements about women’s behavior that still exist in many cultures today helped create and reinforce that belief and those behavior restrictions for women can make men feel more comfortable about making the commitment to support the relationships they're in.

That biological and functional reality about uncertain parentage for children relative to the father of each child has caused many cultures to set up very strict rules about each woman's contact with other men to make sure that each man in those marriages is protecting and feeding only his own children.

Some cultures have set up extremely negative and highly controlling functions for women for that area, and those cultures sometimes do cruel and damaging things to women to enforce those rules.

Some cultures expel women from the culture or setting if they believe that the woman might have violated some of those strict behavior and interaction rules and some severely punish the women.

Women are still being killed today in some settings of our world if their family believes that some kind of violation of the sanctity of the isolation has occurred for the woman.

Even today, we have many thousands of “honor killings” that are happening in several countries and cultures where the brothers or other family members actually stone and kill girls who spent any time in any setting or situation with another man that they believed possibly meant that her “honor” might have been impaired.

The possibility of a mistake in that area of absolute functional security on the honor issue for women is enough to get many girls killed today. That's a horrible situation, and we should do what we can to not support or encourage that behavior in the many places where it still happens.

We need to not allow women to be damaged by those sets of expectations and rules in those other settings when we have any influence on those realities in those areas.

We need to not do sexual abuse in our own settings as well.

We need to have our own gender-related negative behavior channeled in good directions. We need to have actual sexual abuse in our country reduced to low levels and we need our work settings to be functionally intolerant of damaging behavior that hurt women in wide range of ways.

We Made Some Progress Under The Pressure And Inspiration Of The Me Too Movement

We actually have made significant progress in our country on several gender-related abuse issues in those areas in the last couple of years as the result of the Me Too movement that made women in many of our settings less accepting of some negative and inappropriate behaviors that were ignored for many years in many settings, and we have created a significantly better level of expectations relative to a wide range of negative sexual behavior and interactions in many of our settings as the result of that awareness.

We created a wide range of Me Too stories on the internet and we did see some behavior improvements in some settings as a result of those stories.

Some of the Me Too insights and expectations are becoming a new standard shared by women in many settings, and that expectation and standard is almost entirely fed by people with those perceptions and beliefs who express their opinions and their responses to sexual activity and behaviors in various internet venues and approaches, and that pattern of responses has been very enlightening and has created some new levels of responses and expectations that now seem to be the new normal for thinking on a number of gender- and sex-related issues in a number of settings.

Some of the old normal responses before the Me Too context entered the scene were consistently abusive and no one was aware that was true.

We're now evolving into the next set of expectations, and each setting will evolve its own rule set and acceptable patterns and incidents of behavior. That process will take some time and it's happening now for some settings with various situations and instances of negative behavior.

We might've been on the cusp of a possible golden age in some settings for some levels of gender-related enlightenment.

We have the opportunity right now for intellectual growth, wisdom, and learning in those areas, and we could be headed for a gender-related set of behavioral expectations that involve expectations about both respectful and consensual behavior that haven't been part of our culture or history until now.

Many people are ready to learn on sexual issues.

We're probably not likely to make much progress right now on the respectful behavior issues, but we should make major progress now on the issue of consensual behavior for sexual interactions.

We need to create a new interaction standard of consensual sexual interactions where people accept that nonconsensual sex is absolutely wrong and that no one from any gender should be forced into sexual activity.

To make that happen, we need to be very honest, insightful, and wise relative to our own expectations about sexual behavior and activities today and we should try to add our insights on those issues into the tool kits that we're building for marriages and relationships.

We need a wide range of sexual interactions to be available to people and we need people in consensual relationships to be able to use the internet and get access to the sexual toys and tools that will enhance their lives and interactions with each other.

We shouldn't have people outside the relationship in any level of judgement about those tools and toys, and each couple should be steering their own ship about what's sexually appropriate for them.

Consensual sex should be our goal and expectation.

We should encourage couples to have positive, rewarding, enticing, interesting and supportive sexual interactions as strengthening of their relationships, because it can sometimes be extremely beneficial when it goes well and creates good worlds for the people involved.

All sex should have that mutual alignment for the parties involved as a goal.

There are a growing number of electronic tools that have sexual usage — and we should have those tools used in ways that support the relationship where that makes sense to do.

We do need to figure out for each marriage and each situation how to optimize the electronic tools and support systems available on tool kit and we should have it enhance our lives when it makes sense for their relationship and setting and never have it imposed on anyone by an outside party or third party in any way.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) Could and Should Support Whatever Trajectory We Pick for Those Activities

AI is currently building tools to enhance our lives in many ways. That can be a very good thing — and we should use AI at multiple levels for a wide range of activities and functions to make our lives better in multiple ways. If we use the tool well, AI should have similar benefits to having other tools that enhance what we do in other areas of our lives.

It's inevitable that sex will be included in that package of functions that we can do in better ways than we did them before that tool existed.

We're creative people and people who enjoy sexual pleasure and stimulation, so we can count on AI creating tools and functions that achieve both of those goals.

We'll probably add some unexpected and newly discovered opportunities that we didn't have before that tool existed, and that might be an interesting and positive area of learning.

We're going to find a growing number of areas where computerized sex tools and processes are going to be available to a number of people in very creative and possibly highly promoted ways.

There also will be growing numbers of opportunities for people to find sexual tools and interactions at many levels on the internet or in other easily available situations and settings, and that means that we'll probably be very different for us all in the next several years.

Some of the new AI systems are already programmed to actually create and operate artificial girlfriends or suitors in their interactions with their users, and that market is going to grow because it's so easy to do and because so many people and businesses will aspire to sell it because some people will buy it.

A number of sex toy robots are already on the market, and it's possible to currently purchase and use an effective, somewhat attractive, beautiful, lovely, sensuous, and seductive robot and very functionally relevent full-sized physical sex toy as a somewhat believable artificial girlfriend now from a number of vendors who will be continuously improving their product because it's a market and that's how real markets work anytime actual buyers exist for a product, and we'll have people who will want to make that purchase.

There's been a fairly large market in the past just for fake mannequin women in the past and that proves that it's a path that many people will find attractive and choose to purchase and use.

The internet and the new AI tool kits have already made pornography and extensive sexual imagery of various kinds easily available to anyone and to everyone and we need to understand some of the risks and opportunities we face now on sexual behaviors and issues with that flow of sexual imagery constantly and easily in play in electronic settings.

They have buyers for those products. There are serious risks in our communities for some behaviors that weren't areas of risk for us in the past, because we'll probably now have some members of our community who will choose to enter into sexual relationships with tools available now on the web and who are willing to pay to have that service and experience happen for them with those tools.

Some people will probably buy those products, and they'll have some of their sexual instincts met by that set of tools.

The sad thing is that some people could go a long way down that trajectory — and it's possible that addiction of some kind to some of those tools is possible for at least some people.

We could have a real problem for some real people with the new sets of systems that are skillfully and cleverly designed to create sexual alignment for people with computers — and we'll be seeing some new levels and even some new forms of addiction and obsessive behavior for some people for some products and some behaviors that are created by the new AI machines and their vendors.

We're vulnerable both to the new AI versions of sex tools and toys and also to the new efforts to link men with and to very well constructed, very well designed, and functionally emotionally persuasive electronic girlfriends and even to actual physical sex-toy beautiful robots that are full size and are created to be amazingly competent, physically seductive, and even slightly frightening as potential sex replacement tools for some people as their primary sex encounter and sexual experience.

That isn’t purely theoretical as a risk. Those products exist now and they're being produced and sold and they're being continuously improved by the vendors who created them and who are actively selling them.

Vendors and creators of those products and systems are now a new threat to our sexual behavior levels and they're definitely doing real things in highly motivated ways to get our money by getting people addicted sexually to their products and services and having those sex toys and products become significant parts of their customers' thinking and lives.

It doesn't seem possible, but there are a number of robot vendors in a couple of countries today who are producing full-size sex robots as the possible next generation and next level sex encounter with the world for a number of men, and those companies are now selling some beautiful, seductive and intentionally personally responsive robots to men and steering those men to believe that they're the right thing to buy to respond to the sexual urges that are built into the male portion of our gender alignments and opportunities as their next sexual agenda of choice for their lives.

That entire set of tools and toys is, today, an increasing threat at an extremely attractive and psychologically seductive alternative way for some men of having their sexual needs met going forward — and that choice by some men is going to be a reality that we'll need to respond to and address for the world we're going into today on sexual issues and functional opportunities because it's happening and it's growing as an option and threat.

We've now entered into an entirely new world on several of our sexual realities and on the impact they might have on some of our people.

That's an extremely different world than the world we have lived in up to now, and we're just at the cusp of that world in a number of important and highly relevant aspects of our sexual lives for a number of the men who live in our world today.

Sex robots are reportedly now nearing the status today and now of becoming pretend actual spouses for some number of men in Japan who currently have a very low likelihood of attracting actual biological women in some of their settings, and who can now custom build extremely beautiful fake women who look very real and who are sexually active in mechanically effective and skilled ways and who are targeted to be the spouse equivalent for a growing number of Japanese men.

We obviously don’t want that approach to sex to be the preferred pathways for any number of people now and here in our own country for the foreseeable future.

We clearly don’t want men or women in America to choose those kinds of sex toys as their most highly used and standard sex instinct destination and sex venue and tool here at this point in our history as a country or even at any point in the foreseeable future.

So how do we keep that from happening?

We need an effective alternative route for our people and our future.

We need real people to get real benefit from doing relationship things that give us success in those areas.

We need to very intentionally and effectively steer ourselves to real men and to real women for our foundational relationships for the people in our communities and settings, and we should do that in part by having relationships with real people as the paths we want our cultures and our communities to be on.

We should encourage well-intentioned, well-designed, well-conceived, and well-implemented sets of actual sexual interactions that can meet the needs of both men and women for that important part of their lives and can create both patterns of behavior and a culture of success in all of those areas that will have real people choosing other real people and then doing well in those relationships.

We need to do everything we can to encourage, support, and even optimize actual relationships with human men and human women in our country today and we need to make those relationships as solid and attractive as we can make them with real people anchoring the process today because that's a much better life path for people to be on and we should make it more successful for more people today.

We need to understand that Instagram and its various clone and equivalent purchasing mechanisms now create social media interactions that help us succeed in those areas.

We should decide instead that we want that core and anchor part of our lives and our communities to be based on real people interacting with one another in effective and positive ways and feeling good about the situations we're creating with each other as real people in those relationships and settings.

Men and women are facing different sets of issues and products in the sex market today, and we need to deal with those issues in ways that meet the needs of real people in positive and successful ways for both genders.

We need to understand what happens as patterns for much of that behavior for each gender in order to have the broadest levels of success. We need to work with our own instincts to steer behavior into direct and personal interaction.

We need to understand some key instincts as part of that process and approach.

We need to know and understand that men tend to be, on average, much more visual in the activation of the core sets of sex related instincts and we should work with that reality rather than fight it.

Men will continue to be instinctively triggered to explicit and direct visual sexual stimulation because that’s wired into male brains and male perceptions, and there’s no reason not to deal with that in the most appropriate, useful, and respectful ways without saying that it’s wrong or inappropriate to have those visual triggers as part of who we are and part of our life experience.

Both sexes are wired to be highly visual in their sexual interests, but have different triggers for the visuals that activate the instincts.

Women surveyed tend to have visual appreciation for the height, muscle tone, and overall body shape of men, and men tend to have strong visual appreciation for breasts and rounded posteriors in their women, and for general facial attractiveness in their women.

Breasts and pretty faces get men to be activated as appreciating and evaluating the woman they're looking at in any setting.

Men also tend to appreciate visuals of their own partner sent to them of private parts and sexual activity, and men like both hugs and smiles for their interaction initiation experiences and realities with the key woman or women in their life.

Visuals are an important part of instinctive behavior triggers.

As part of our marriage support activity and behavior, and as support for the marriage connection and activity, it’s good to learn and teach how to share sexual visual context with each other in supportive and loving ways.

We clearly should begin that process with high levels of goodwill by both parties because it's intended to be good for everyone involved — and because it's intended to build win-win interactions into the lives of married couples in a highly trusted set of interactions and physical connections that should be part of the commitment that each person makes to each other to make their marriages succeed.

People going down that path would be well served if they could say directly: "We should each have an openness to discover what our wiring tells us are the right visual content for our happiness and for our lives with the person we love and have as our spouse in the real world, and we should very directly do that with clear best intentions because we want to build friendships and positive interactions into those processes."

Flirting behaviors tend to be appreciated and seem to be often good for the morale and the basic interaction models and focus for both people involved in that process.

Our goal should be setting up the relationships for us as participants to enjoy each other sexually and to have a sense of trust that we're interacting as legitimate friends at a core level for key interactions, activities, and functions.

We need couples who are committed explicitly to being friends in the best and most loyal and insightful and mutually rewarding and mutually beneficial ways with whomever they each marry.

Friends trust each other, friends do good things for each other, and friends are happy when their friend is also happy — and far too many marriages don't include being friends in their set of things that they should be and do.

There's nothing wrong with deciding to make commitments to each other in those marital interactions to actually be friends who end up with goodwill, trust, and joy being built into the package together as a core expectation of the process.

Many people have very different sets of ideas for what their marriages and relationships should involve, and that’s absolutely a good thing because it would be a very good thing if we avoided being clones on those issues. There are a couple of frequently successful and useful pathways to marital success, and we should want each couple to see, find, and understand the pathway that works best for their lives, and we should know that a very good way of doing that is to look at other people in successful marriages and learn from what they're doing and then do something similar in our lives.

You can go far down that road by actually liking your spouse and by agreeing together to create win-win lives for each other that work for both of you in the relationship because your interests and needs are directly and successfully met.

We need people who are interested in being successfully intertwined and even married, who should look at the various tools that exist to make them successful in that effort and be very intentional in choosing to add them to their lives.

People need to talk about those issues, and talking can be safer and easier when people entering into relationships look each other in the eye and say that they want to work together to get to the fun and the best places together.

Goodwill and good hearts can get people a long way down that road — and people being loved, appreciated, trusted, and committed to doing things together that feel right when they're done — and to stop doing things when the person they love also needs that to be what needs to be done and says that as a loving spouse to the other person.

The advice in this particular piece comes from a particular perspective that fits together in a pattern and a way that's been successful for some people, and it is offered here as a thought piece that might be useful if you want to give parts of it or all of it a shot at this point in your life.

People who are in long-existing marriages can read this material and can think about the content and advice, and then figure out in direct and clear conversation with one another how many pieces and parts of this advice might work for them and then make the decision as a loving couple to go down that path either at this point in time or at some future time that might work well for their lives and could be scheduled in a directional way now as part of the conversation about these approaches and ideas.

The beauty and the joy of marriage is that you're in one and the two of you have every reason to do good things to make your lives better together because when you make that decision, it's what you've decided, and you can very often actually do it because the marriage gives you a special status that no other relationship can actually give for those kinds of joint actions, beliefs, commitments, and interactions with each other.

Recognize that we live in an internet embedded and connected world, and we should both learn from the internet and both use it to succeed in doing the things you want to do now with yourself and with each other.

We have a wide range of political and societal topics and issues that we interact with on the internet in the various venues and podcast approaches, and this set of discussions fits into that macro agenda and universe of interactions.

The internet is a reality and a tool, and we should use that tool kit in the most civilized, equitable, and respectful ways for our marriages and personal relationships as well, because we need to figure out the best ways of both learning and behaving at multiple levels in our lives and the internet has a rich set of tools and opportunities that can support that process.

Consent should be a goal for that process and approach.

We and the world could all be extremely and intentionally consensual at key levels in our interactions with each other as part of this process.

We should clearly have consensual and voluntary visual relevance to be part of the next wave of expectations and interactions we need to address and deal with in our web-related information sharing for this next generation of sexual instinct activation and marital commitment strategies and behaviors.

Connubial Bliss Is A Good Thing And A Blessing

If you believe in a macro context for everything that includes quantum physics, quantum biology, and quantum sociobiology as part of the overall fabric of our existence, and if you believe that quantum theology and metaphysics should be included in the package, then it’s possible to also even add a theological layer to the process to increase our thinking about instinctive behavior into adding some thoughts about why this whole set of opportunities exists for us in our world today and why it sometimes seems to be a gift from God.

Sex and metaphysics were blended by the Swedish Lutheran mystic and theologian Emanuel Swedenborg who wrote about the clear and intentional blessings of God and from God in our lives in his thought pieces, essays, sermons, and books and that can add another layer to the conversation.

Swedenburg loved sex and he believed that having sexual relations in the context of marriage was one of the very best blessings of existence and he said it's one of the very best gifts we get from a loving God because it can be so wonderful when it's done well and because it's a very good thing for a marriage when sexual interactions are mutually enjoyed by a loving couple and when they achieve what Swedenborg described as Connubial Bliss for their marriage.

Swedenborg strongly believed in marriage in a very Lutheran and Christian way, and he believed that we each should be married and that we should learn to each find and achieve and enjoy what he labelled as mutual connubial bliss in that relationship.

He believed that we should enjoy the entire array of those marital activities that exist in sexual interactions, and he basically thanked God for the opportunity to have sex and for the chance to have marriage related bliss be part of our lives.

Achieving that goal of functional bliss from our sexual activity makes some sense from a practical perspective for our entire communities and our cultures because marriage has a major functional role in our lives and because we're all creatures of our cultures, and because marriage is actually the preferred route to family organization and to family interaction processes for most cultures on the planet today.

It's probably true that we actually will live in a better world if we have people married to each other who like and trust each other, and who work to make themselves successful in their marriages and their lives by very intentionally making win-win outcomes part of their values and the mind set they create together.

We can and should have some process improvement opportunities that we can create for that goal and that agenda.

Connubial bliss as a theological blessing goes beyond what many people think about those issues, but it makes sense if you believe that actualizing those instincts is very much the right thing to do and a very good reason to marry.

MAKE THE RIGHT THING EASY TO DO

'Making the right thing easy to do' is probably the most effective mantra that exists as a tool in any setting in the process improvement world for business, education, and for health care production and health care delivery

It’s a simple process.

When you're in an environment or a setting, and when you're looking at a process and what it creates and does, then that particular mantra can be so effective that it's almost magical in its usefulness, impact, ability, and power to improve processes.

So, make the right thing easy to do.

To do that, you first determine what the right thing is and then you carefully figure out how to make it easy to do — and the reality is that if you follow those steps then your chance of succeeding with that process increases exponentially in every setting.

Kaiser Health got the death rate for sepsis in their hospitals down from 30 percent to 3 percent by looking completely at the entire process and then by making the right thing easy to do.

We need to apply that thinking and process to marriages, and we need to both figure out the right thing for each situation and then determine how to make it easy to do — and we'll have many successful marriages if that becomes our pattern of behavior for each marriage and if we commit to make it happen.

There's an opportunity we have with marriages to have them be a highly useful and beneficial way for us to organize major parts of our lives in a mutually supportive way for all of us today who want to go down that trajectory and trail and who commit to doing it together as a marriage and a team.

Far too many people don’t understand, think about, or consider the opportunity that is and can be presented to them by marriage in their lives.

Many people get married but don’t think in intentional ways about what they've done — and people with that context too often overlook the opportunity to make that marriage an effective and useful anchor function and a working context and process for organizing and even optimizing our lives.

We need people to make that use of marriage a goal, a strategy, and a context for improving their own lives.

We should want people to make that decision as communities to have successful marriages and to make that success happen in intentional ways.

We should create the opportunity to have each married couple working with themselves in very deliberate, structured, and highly skillful ways to optimize key aspects of that relationship in well considered, extremely intentional, highly skillful, and deeply loving ways.

Married couples should each have their own internal strategy and their own awareness on those issues and each couple should be very honest with themselves and with each other about what aspects of their marriage can support that process and what they can each do to reinforce each other to make their marriage a success.

Sex can and should be an extremely good tool for that reinforcement and improvement process.

We need to have sex as a foundational component and key activity within marriage and we should have sex can be an anchor behavior for creating connubial bliss because bliss is a good thing to achieve and to basically do and there are almost no things that can do as well as sex to make bliss happen, so we should be very intentional in using sex in effective ways to achieve that goal.

As we look at sexual activity and at our related instinctive behaviors, it’s clear that we should be completely and absolutely consensual in our interactions as an anchor for the whole process.

As a basic belief and commitment, we should avoid any nonconsensual sexual behaviors, and we shouldn't support coercive sexual activities with the other people in our various settings in the sexual components of our world that exist for those people.

We should all be entitled to relevant and appropriate privacy as well.

Privacy issues are extremely important and relevant to us in the internet age when everyone is connected to everyone else and the connections are extensive and constant and sharing information in wrong ways if far too easy to do.

We need to respect and protect privacy for all parties as part of our process and internet agenda.

We need ethical and respectful use of visual information.

We shouldn't have anyone on the internet sending or sharing visual information that was stolen or that was taken from any private sources without the approval of the person being portrayed in the piece and the information.

We should each be respectful of that information and we shouldn't encourage or support invasive, coercive, or nonconsensual sharing of that kind of information in any setting by ourselves or the people in our community who we will be linked to at many levels in the world we are in today.

In the context of aspirational Connubial Bliss, each couple can and should set their own standards for the visual availability of images of the world and of each other and each couple should work out the rule sets and standards that work for each relationship for viewing information and sharing activity and we should understand and appreciate the joy and beauty of visual images that fall into those clear instinctive awarenesses and guidance and are appropriately shared.

We need to support marriages electronically in every way that makes sense.

That approach is obviously not flowing against the current of internet use for a wide range of activities because we should be able to use internet information and images to help each marriage create its own visual world and to have each marriage anchored in its own approach and visual direction.

Selfies Are Effective to Create and Share

Sharing sexual images electronically with each other is obviously not a new direction for us at any level and we should do it well in the marital setting.

For connubial couples interacting with themselves, sharing sexual images of themselves in various levels of “selfies” is often one of the most appreciated and effective sexual activities and behaviors, and it's been rated highly by millions as a positive and effective thing to do for those relationships.

People in a marriage or relationship have already been attracted physically and visually to and with each other or their relationship would probably not exist, and sending selfies to each other in that context has a high likelihood of being an appreciated event or effective behavior because it works with that sharing and that level of appreciation.

Couples tend to figure out sexual visual sharing that works for them, and, if the approach is to make the right thing easy to do, then every marriage should figure out the visual tool kit that's most useful for the marital setting and is right as a reality for that process.

We know that the electronic sharing of sexual information is obviously happening on a major level in our society and culture because the highest volume use of the internet since it was created has been pornography.

The highest volume of use for overall internet activity today actually is sexual images.

Pornography is a massive industry and it has sometimes done damage to many people who were abused by information sharing that shouldn't have happened. Sexual imagery needs to be understood and used in ways that make lives better and more effective as lives and take advantage of the instinct triggering perceptions and behaviors that support our lives and it shouldn't be used in negative and invasive ways.

There are many levels of pornography that use sexual visual information as a core component for their processes and information and those sites that do pornography of various kinds make up a major component of volume on the web.

Pornography can sometimes create problems for people who have it distract them from other instinctive visual components of the internet and tools and have it occupy a disproportional amount of their time.

It can be a mixed blessing as a tool, because it can be a legitimate source of visual sexual information for some people, but it can be an obsessive, negative, and distracting tool for many others and they can become addicted to that flow of information if they do it too much and too often.

Unfortunately, we've reached the point where too many people have actually become addicted to using it for pornographic purposes.

People in some communities, cultures, and settings are currently facing massive problems with pornography addiction that's particularly a focus and function for some of the men in their communities.

Many people in many of our own settings are worried that some of our younger men, in particular, now have become derailed on some of their sexual interactions with the world into dangerous and damaging volumes of visual interactions and into major content problems with their pornographic connections that can do damaging things to some people when they follow damaging trajectories and have that occupy significant amounts of their time.

We have a vast social media interchange going on today in the world on many topics, and that actually gives us a chance to see and understand some of the problems, behaviors, and interactions that are happening today with many people on those issues, and that broader view now tells us that pornography is currently a problem for some number of users and it's now damaging some lives and keeping some interactions from happening.

The people who write and speak and opine in the social media channels and venues about the content issues and themes that are major channels on the current internet pornography reality tell us that there are multiple sites are run today by people who are trying for large numbers of addicted followers and who feature abuse of the women in various ways that create a new pattern and an unfortunate expectation for many of our younger men who haven’t been experiencing any of those negative interactions in their own lives about what sexual interactions with women should include and should involve in the real world today.

The men who've been lured into those sites and who are becoming addicted to negative and abusive behavior patterns in their porn too often don’t have healthy levels of interaction with actual women in their lives — and they're not only unhappy at multiple levels or in good mental and emotional positions to engage in positive ways with real women at other levels in their own world.

Some women who are writing thought pieces on social media sites today say that many men who've been watching those levels of negative and damaging porn currently being produced by some of the commercial porn companies trying to create addictive behavior for the men have been steered by the process that runs porn in negative directions and now growing numbers of those men using those sites expect behaviors from the women in their lives that are very different than previous interactions with men that were expected for many of those women — and some women on the internet say that some of the men with that stream of information from that set of porn sites as a major part of their sexual visual information now have negative and damaging expectations about actual behavior for men and women actually interacting with each other.

Those sites have behavior patterns and expectations and they now interact in ways that won't help those men move to healthier and more effective encounters and to mutually supportive lives when they interact with real women in their settings.

We have both choices and opportunities in front of us.

We need to become much more enlightened in our use of sexual imagery and we need couples in marriages and in relationships to steer their viewing and their choice of porn and sexual imagery sites to gentler and more romantic and more loving visual content because there’s a wide range of viewings that appreciate and enjoy beautiful and naked women that result in the subsequent actual sexual content that's more supportive of actual positive sexual tone and the content that the couple would like to create to have good and successful marital relations.

Sexual attire has a wide range of options, and we could be well served by having some exotic and lovely apparel choices actually available for online purchase as part of the visual process. Some of the money now going to OnlyFans vendors and agents could buy exotic clothing for wives instead of creating bonuses for high volume vendors.

We need to improve that flow of visual information and we need to have it reinforce better relationships and create positive visual experiences for both women and men that make marriages more successful and make relationships more successful as well.

Pornography is going to be part of our sexual experience for multiple reasons, so we should make choices and decide to steer those links away from the hostile and abusive images and practices into more positive celebrations of the best features of visual sexuality.

People need pornography venues and channels that encourage positive sexual interactions rather than abusive and damaging behavior. Couples should figure out their own sets of visual contact with each other that celebrate each other and provide visual stimulation that makes relationships broader and more exciting in their visual interactions and information flow.

We need to use those tools as couples to make marital sexual interactions continuously better, and we need to make the right links with each other to enjoy each other in an array of ways that are enhanced by electronic sexual exchanges.

Sex can be such a wonderful thing. It can be so good for both parties involved at multiple levels that it makes life better for everyone involved in the process.

We need to steer better in some areas. It's sad and unfortunate that too many young men today have only links to pornography and many apparently only have a distorted and incomplete and highly unsatisfactory perception of what sex can and could be for them in their actual lives with the right settings and interactions.

The internet now tells us that a very high percentage of the young men in our country are now depressed and it appears that more than a third of the youngest adult men are now saying on some of the social media channels that they don't intend to ever marry because they don’t want that to be their path for their lives because they think it will be a bad place to be and they believe it will be a bad situation to be in.

We need young men to hear, know, and believe how good and positive and rewarding a good marriage can be and then do things in intentional ways to make that real.

Marriage can be so very good that it's extremely sad that we don’t have growing numbers of men who aren't planning or willing to go down that path and who never will have that blessing in their lives.

So, what do we need to do to make our future less grim for all of us?

We should point to the 'good' marriages as an example for young men to look at and see that marriage can be a good path to follow, so we should make those marriages as visible as we can make them.

We need to figure out how to get married couples to use visual images with each other on the internet to enhance their own relationships and somehow blend gentle porn and sexual images into current contacts.

We need some grounding on a couple of key sexual issues that aren't understood by large numbers of people.

An extremely important and extremely useful point about instinctive behavior that most people don't know is that most men in the real world today tend to love and appreciate the body of the woman they're with.

Most Men Today Love And Appreciate The Body Of The Woman They're With

Within relationships, enjoying the appearance and feel of one's wife's body seems to be a fairly powerful and extremely consistent instinctive behavior that many men obviously build into their lives when that is possible to do.

Women today often don't know how much the men they're with appreciate the look and the feel of their body. We know from social media that they often don't know that to be true.

Many women online or in other settings who write about men don't seem to have a clue that that's true or that is even possibly true, but the number of men who are pleased and even delighted by the body of their spouse and woman is significant and it's often a source of good morale and personal joy for men when actual visual sharing of some kind happens with their spouse who they love and who loves them, or they probably wouldn't be married to them today.

Women do wonder and speculate in a number of conversations and settings about how their man is judging their body and their appearance, and the absolute reality we know from the men's postings online is that for more than 90 percent of men is that they love the body and they particularly love the breasts and they appreciate the bosom of the woman they're with.

Men very much tend to love breasts.

It’s an instinctive behavior.

And very real.

We know beyond any doubt that’s true because 90 million married men in America this year will pay OnlyFans, as a business, millions of dollars just to see the breasts on a real woman who's directly interacting with them in a personal and direct way.

The women on OnlyFans who interact with the men in the context of the site often make it clear that they're happy to have that direct interaction with the men. Some of those interactions generate thousands and tens of thousands of dollars for those women.

Some of the women have enough men to say they want that direct and personal connection to continue that a number of those women are now making more than a million dollars a year for those communications.

Some combination of positive interactions happen with the women during those views, and men are willing to pay those prices when they get that opportunity to have those interactions and views.

Men pay for the OnlyFans contacts and we know that many men are also deeply grateful for selfie pictures that they receive from their own woman that seem to parallel what they get from OnlyFans for money.

Many men on social media celebrate whenever they get bare selfie picture and links from their significant other.

Happy men with that connection are often extremely simple, pleased, and grateful for the personal selfies that happen.

That selfie from a significant other sometimes makes men very happy.

Women’s websites focus on beauty.

Women produce extensive website content featuring themselves creating layers of beauty.

Men don’t want beauty. They never mention beauty on their websites.

Men like bare skin from women in their lives.

And they very much appreciate beautiful women, but they clearly don’t find beauty to be worth pursuing online and celebrate most when the women they're looking at are some level of nude.

That isn’t a theory.

It probably isn’t politically correct in some way.

It is real.

We know from OnlyFans actual current volumes today that 90 million men in America today will pay real money now in our world today to see a bosom on a woman if the woman is interacting directly in real time with them as a person when they look at that breast.

Ninety million men in America is a big number.

There are actually a lot of breasts in the world today and men usually don’t pay to see any of them outside of that setting with that interaction happening.

We know from OnlyFans that men will pay to see the naked breast of a woman who's interacting directly with them as they see it and we know that the men are willing to spend real money for that interaction and that breast.

The interaction with a woman who has the breast is the charm that triggers the cash from the men.

Most women in relationships severely underestimate and tend not to appreciate or understand how much their significant other enjoys and appreciates seeing and interacting with their breasts.

Men in relationships love seeing the breasts of their significant other.

OnlyFans succeeds and is a high-volume business because the women who do the OnlyFans connection have a direct interaction and a functional and real-time connection and a direct link with the man who's looking at her bosom and who's then paying her to bare it.

That link between the men and the women in the OnlyFans setting changes the context and turns that encounter into an actual sexual service and it's an actual sexual interaction that should count and qualify as a sexual activity for us as people when it happens.

Sexual interactions in the past were always physical and they usually involved direct contact. This nonphysical contact-free interaction is very real and direct and it creates a cognitive link for the man and the woman. It creates a new category of very real interaction between the people involved. A sexual service is performed and the man pays the woman directly in real time for that actual performance.

We now have a new and very real category of sexual service and functionality, and it creates a commercial relationship and a commercial transaction between the people involved in the process and the approach that creates a relationship between the two people at a direct level.

This process leads to new opportunities for transactions. We need to determine if that relationship creates a new set of transactional linkages and connections for the people involved, but is definitely a connection at a very direct and explicit level between those two people at a very personal level.

Eighty million of the OnlyFans customers are married.

Their spouse doesn't have any linkage to the transaction as it's currently performed, so they're not part of the relationship or the activity in any direct way.

Each marriage creates its own set of interactional realities, and the new OnlyFans connections with the men are something that each marriage must address on its own accord in the context of its own relationship.

One current Instagram joke has a woman discovering that her husband used the service and saying to him in the joke that she wasn’t angry that he had done the deed and made that link, but she was angry that she wasn’t aware that he was willing to pay to have that happen until now.

Relationships for 80 million married men might be changing for at least some of the men.

So what does that tell us about both men and women in their use of websites and the internet?

The internet gets used a lot.

We need to understand and think of our entire set of interactions in the context of internet realities that we look at for each set of issues and activities, and we can see a very different use of web tools today by men and women that women and men both need to see and understand.

Women Use The Internet Every Day for Beauty

Women have massive and constant use of the internet at several levels every day.

Women are on the internet every day with their sites.

Beauty is what women primarily do with their sites.

Women in our culture all wear makeup and they wear it every day. It’s a hugely powerful cultural expectation for every American woman.

We can see from what women write on their sites that there’s almost zero likelihood that any women in this country today would go out in the world without makeup, and a couple of women offering information about themselves online said recently on social media that they had been married for more than 30 years and they each got up very early before their husband every single day and they said that their husbands had never ever seen them without makeup once for their entire marriage.

Women interacting about make up context and processes make it clear that makeup very directly happens for each woman daily and it's a commitment that's constantly expected by millions of women online every single day of their lives.

Men don't go down that path and the websites for men go down multiple paths that don't include makeup for any men on any path.

The women are extremely good and very competent with their makeup processes and strategies every single day.

Some famous women share their layers of makeup and their makeup processes and strategies through social media with the world, and other women salute their choices and actually follow their sites by the millions.

The direct and absolute goal for that vast array of sites for women is beauty.

Beauty is the top priority for thousands of sites.

Those sites show layers of makeup being applied by the women in extremely skillful and almost magical ways, and they sell a ton of makeup for real money as an economic underpinning for the web that makes those sites into important and high-cost businesses for many of their users.

Many of the sites say that they build beautiful women to attract alpha males — and some sites do mention marriage as part of the overall agenda, and some of those sites believe and say that top males will appreciate how lovely those women are and they say that matrimony or some level of being financially supported for that beauty will happen for many of the women.

Some of the women’s sites for the absolutely most lovely women say directly and clearly that beauty deserves a flow of cash simply because it exists.

Most women's sites have clear competence and clear expectations, and there's an extremely high level of skillfully created competence and beauty created for a large number of sites, and they make up the bulk of sites for women that we can see on the internet today.

Theres no equivalent set of men’s sites. Some men with extreme good looks do exist in various settings and they seem to fit into the social hierarchy of the country in some ways that believe that those men will be rewarded at some point for getting it right on being extremely attractive in those particular way and that it’s worth doing for at least some of the men.

The most obviously alpha men on the internet who have alpha status because of their power and their wealth do exist, and some of them have their set of lists and surveys, and they tend to say that they expect to choose from the most beautiful women as they pursue their own agendas and achieve their own actual alpha-level goals.

Those high-rated alpha men, when surveyed, said in some venues that when they choose a woman, they're most happy with the choice when their chosen alpha women seems to like them as a person rather than just being someone of importance.

They want to be seen and liked as a person.

That priority for the alpha males parallels the pattern for some of the OnlyFans volume winners who also seem to have the women who choose them like them and interact with them as people.

The social media information flow seems to say that the higher status men want to be appreciated as people and the highest impact women seem to believe that they achieve a level of entitlement when they're absolutely and perfectly beautiful and that they believe they should also be rewarded in some way because the beauty exists and is achieved by them.

That expectation is important to understand, because it's so important for those sites and there are a huge number of those sites on each of the social media venues and settings.

Women feature beauty on their websites.

They have a vast array of sites that show every level of cosmetic interaction and perfection, and some of the sites do makeovers for women that are almost magical in how many layers it takes to achieve and how wonderful and beautiful the women very often are when the makeover is done.

The women’s sites sometimes say that one of the reasons for their existence is to create absolutely beautiful women and then have them seen by and potentially attract alpha males who might select an alpha woman as a spouse or mate, and some say that's the ultimate victory for some of the sites and for the women who participate in them.

Some of the sites create stunningly lovely and beautiful women, and some say in their context information that those women will now be able to choose between the alpha males in their lives, and they believe that their beauty means that they're entitled to that role with those men and they are entitled to have that choice available to them.

A couple of sites have said that the beautiful woman that they feature on the sites are so magnificent that the world actually owes them a living, and more than one site has said clearly that if the world was as good and right as it should be, then those women would have a lifetime living and would have a permanent income just for being as magnificent and lovely as they currently are.

The sites seem to have some gender-specific patterns of thinking about what to include as the visual triggers for the overall interaction processes.

Women sites often do zero nudity.

Those purely cosmetic sites we see for the alpha women in that particular fashion context tend not to have any actual nudity, but the women on the sites often do wear extremely sexy, attractive and clearly intentionally seductive clothes, and anyone interested in sexual visual pleasure and sexual impact can see both beauty and highly desirable people on those sites even when nudity isn’t part of the actual visual reality.

We have some culture-based rules about what actually represents nudity, and our culture in this country currently uses nipples and visible aureoles as the dividing line between being nude or just being almost nude.

We've had some significant public debates and morality decisions and judgements for determining whether some public people had crossed the line from acceptable bare skin and from unacceptable actual nudity in settings where nudity is clearly not allowed as our morality determinant at this point in our history.

A famous super bowl halftime show seemingly crossed that line and people debated it for years.

That was an interesting historical and cultural moment at surprising levels that aren’t surprising when you look at all of women’s fashion beauty sites, and look at the fact that they do fashion at extremely competent and intense levels and almost completely avoid people we define as nude.

It’s also interesting that billions of dollars are spent on beauty in the women’s sites with major and massive women’s audiences that have almost no male viewers in the audience.

The overlap between all of the pure beauty sites and todays set of relationship choices for men seems to be the OnlyFans service that has less than 5 million women luring more than 90 million men paying real women to see their breasts and interact in real time.

WE NOW HAVE GROWING NUMBERS OF DIRECT SEXUAL CONTACTS AND PERSONAL INTERACTIONS THAT HAPPEN ONLY ON THE INTERNET

We now have a large number of internet-based sexual interactions that are happening between men and women that didn’t exist in our world until the newest set of direct and personal sexual interactions have been added to the web content process and those new interactions have now become part of the business model of the internet and they involve many millions of people on an ongoing basis that will continue to grow.

We did not see this coming.

Millions of people are actually doing consensual, direct, and personal visual sharing of sexual information with each other through internet connections and that new direct sexual connection is very real, very direct, very personal, very immediate, and it is very and completely electronic.

We now have a process that allow people to share sexual images and to show and see behaviors in purely electronic ways that are highly visual and inherently, extremely personal because they link actual people with other people in very direct and personal ways and do it for money that's paid by people to the other person in order to have the contact and sexual experience happen.

Men and women now use the internet to share sexual images very directly in a personal way with each other, and that sharing process for those images has become a large and growing business because millions of men are willing to pay women today in order to have that sharing happen and the number of men willing to pay is growing steadily.

The men who pay are creating direct and personal internet contact with the involved women with those instincts obviously activated and millions of men are now paying women for some levels of sexual visibility and for some levels of dialogue and communication on sexual issues that happen only through electronic connections and electronic interactions and used to happen only in real life when that service didn't exist.

Ninety million American men are currently purchasing those direct sexual interactions with the women who decide to sell those services, and it appears that about 80 million of those men who pay for that visual information and for those connections with those women today in our country are married.

A significantly smaller number of women are selling those services to the men. About 5 million women are signed up now with the OnlyFans process to offer and interact with the full set of contacts and relationships that cause them to show their naked bodies on camera to men and to sell those visual images to the men, and about 2 million of those women have significant and growing numbers of customers for their sites and generate actual and significant steams of cash for doing it.

Most of the women who provide those views of their bodies to the men make less than $10,000 a year on the service, and about 16,000 of those women will make more than $50,000 each making those sales to their male customers this year.

A few women make a significant amount of money with those views.

Three hundred of the women on OnlyFans as a service currently make more than $1 million each for those views.

A million dollars can clearly be a significant and game-changing cash flow for the people who receive it, and some of those 300 women probably have significantly different lives than they would have without that opportunity to make and get that money.

Some of the OnlyFans high-volume winners have become public figures and are well known for their succuss and role.

Some celebrities who don’t want to bare their body to that level have begun to use the tool to have direct interactions with their fans, and some might be making millions of dollars with that approach.

When we look at our various packages of instinctive behavior, one of our instincts we have for the entire population for both genders is to build resources and to accumulate various levels of wealth — so the woman side of that financial model as it exists today fits easily into that instinctive behavior packages we have for wealth acquisition and for basic resource building for those women.

It's more than just cash. It’s immediate cash.

The business model is set up to get the money fairly quickly to the women, and we know that many women in our country have both lower income levels and various levels of financial need — and it’s probably true that many women have various family financial expenses that can make that $10,000 in immediate cash paid directly to them highly relevant to their lives.

This business tells us some useful information about what men value sexually and value more personally in their lives.

It isn’t just a financial transaction.

It’s an interaction.

The model involves cash flow and it actually also very clearly creates a kind of direct sexual relationship for the people involved because it's paid on a very personal basis and it's paid directly from one person to another in exchange for that direct sexual encounter and it's only paid if there's a personal interaction for the woman with the buyer that involves actual communications as part of the deal.

The approach does trigger some pure sexual instinct activation reactions for the men that seem to be triggered by seeing the naked bosoms of the women and by paying the women for the privilege, the view and the direct interaction with the woman they are seeing.

What makes the payment approach different from other interactions in this area and makes it very different from classic pornography is that just having a view of the bosom isn’t enough to trigger the expense or payment for the men.

There's an extensive and large supply of naked bosoms already available in the pornography world, and men don’t spend much money for any of those views.

Pornography has an extensive supply of naked bosom photos and of nudity videos that are easily available to any viewer, and that isn’t what 90 million men are paying for with those memberships and views.

What makes this a sexual event instead of a sexual observation is that the OnlyFans business model is based on the fact that the men who buy the views actually have a direct and functionally personal contact, relationship and interaction with the women they have on their screens in exchange for the money.

There's an interaction between the men and the women that makes those views functionally and technically a sexual event as well as a financial encounter.

Men pay only to see the bosoms of women they're interacting with at a personal level. Each woman on the service sets up her own visual content and view, and each woman then interacts very personally and directly with the men who pay for the view.

The quality and extent of that interaction with the woman creates the volume levels of the purchases — and some of the women in that process do those interactions with the men so well that some women actually can get men to pay millions of dollars to have those interactions with them happen in that space and setting.

The business model is set up to create a form of personal relationship at a direct level between the people making that transaction. It appears that the women who do a better job of convincing their customers to buy additional views and additional services tend to make more money than the ones without those interactions.

The official website for the business says that “they interact closely with their fans to build relationships and subscriber volume,” and the women have various levels of success and various streams of revenue based on the perceived quality of those interactions with their customer base who pay directly with their own money.

The business model has women who build up their own portfolio of views and the women get paid monthly for men who choose to add that portfolio and those future interactions to their views. There's some incentive and some motivation for the women with the OnlyFans links to add regularly to their portfolio of views and offerings in order to keep the men who sign up for them paying the dues that they charge and possibly buying more views in the process at future times in the process.

That's a highly direct business relationship for those services, because the money is paid to particular women and they're paid for the views and materials that those women make available to their customers.

Some women do that process and make those links with a high level of success. There are a few women who have tens of millions of dollars paid from their fans who sign up for the service — and those women clearly have figured out how to get men to spend that additional money with what they say and what they do with their site.

The product clearly isn’t just an extension of classic pornography because those views and the available videos in the pornography world currently aren't interactive and they don’t have feedback loops for their pornography processes.

This is also very different from more traditional sexual services that have been purchased for millennia in a number of ways in direct physical contact through what has often been called our oldest profession, because this new approach and service is entirely electronic and the people doing the services never touch the people they serve.

The most immediate and most physical sexual relationships we actually have now in our country are our in-person interactions with other people in our settings and world who sell their services as prostitutes and do it directly with their own body.

We also have always had some level of sexual encounters that involved payments in prostitution-linked cash flow processes, and those sex encounters with prostitutes and with various kinds of sex workers for hire and money have been illegal in most cultures around the world and tend to be illegal in our country now.

Prostitution and direct payment for sexual encounters has been perpetually illegal in this country, and that's true in most settings today. This process doesn’t change that legal status for those people in any way.

We have a range of sexual interactions with financial connections that includes various levels of prostitution as part of the package available to men.

It doesn’t look like the OnlyFans links lead often to prostitution, because there are rules in the system to keep that from happening directly from those links and there are laws against that particular way of paying for sex from a prostitute that are relevant, because the model we use with this service doesn't include any actual physical contact between the person who's selling the sexual service and the recipient of the service.

The overwhelming amount of actual sexual activity we have in the world now is direct and immediate for each situation and setting. We have sex directly with the people who are the sexual people in our lives, and we do that in a wide range of ways that fit our own lives and sexual interests and practices.

This is very different from all of those relationships and experiences because the people providing those services never physically touch the people they serve.

This is not another internet related flow of sexual information.

WOMEN’S SOCIAL MEDIA FOCUSES ON BEAUTY AND NOT SEX

We do have some women’s websites and social media outlets that feature information about the various sexuality and relationship issues that are relevant to us, and those sites for women tend to feature beauty rather than sexual contact as their themes and for their content levels.

Beauty rules on those sites.

We worship beauty online as a culture and we have a vast array of websites that aim at creating beauty for their customers and fans that keep several web services full of customers.

The most successful sites have a steady stream of information about best practices for facial and cosmetic beauty, and they often have women start with bare faces on screen and then end up with magnificent and lovely women who know how to create beauty and who teach other women how to use those tools to achieve those goals.

Those beauty sites tend not to have any actual sexual encounters in their content or agenda, but they often do say in their pieces and commentaries that one of the primary reasons for women to become beautiful today is to attract and marry the right man.

Some sites say that just being beautiful is such a good and valuable accomplishment that there should be some financial reward and award for women when that highest level of beauty happens.

Both alpha men and alpha women get the attention of many sites.

Many of the alpha women, on those sites, seem to aspire to somehow link with alpha men as part of the overall beauty process and agenda.

What's easy to see from looking at those sites is that the sites don’t tend to rate or rank alpha men by their beauty, but rather by the other traditional alpha male measurements and scales that are part of the expectations that exist for men in our culture today.

Even the alpha male websites for heterosexual men seem to follow that pattern, and those men from the context of those sites say that they do very much want beautiful women in their lives, but what they want most from the beautiful women isn’t appreciation for male beauty, but appreciation for alpha men who achieve that status in various ways as men and who have lovely women who admire them as men for what they achieve.

A number of the current web pieces are fairly clear that appreciation is the scorecard used by those men to measure their own success with women.

The men often say they want to be with a beautiful alpha woman who actually likes them as a man, and some say that being liked by those women is the relevant and most important win for them because some also say that kind of personal and direct appreciation by a beautiful woman is a missing link for many of their lives.

That reality from the alpha men about who they choose is somewhat similar to the fairly obvious business model for OnlyFans, where the men who buy their service and who renew their contracts have been told by the women on their screen that the women like being with them in that link and the women say and indicate to the men that they appreciate having both the link and having it renewed.

Appreciation triggers cash flow for those OnlyFans links.

Today’s internet has rich veins of information flowing for both genders at high volume levels, and that flow of information is something we need to see, hear, and understand as we plan our future going forward to have our genders both having their own needs met and doing things that make their inter gender interactions positive, rewarding, successful, functional, and relevant to their lives and interactions with each other.

Misunderstandings are abound in that internet flow of information on gender related issues.

Men and women are not understanding what the other gender is thinking on a number of key issues, and we know that's true because both sets of people are clearly stating what they believe to be true on the web and there are some obvious misunderstandings happening in multiple directions on multiple levels on those issues.

As an example, some of the women's pundits and bloggers for Instagram and other relevant sites have written with some anger about how unfair they believe it is for women today to be held to a standard of beauty that includes an expectation for perpetual youth for our females — and multiple sites written by women as guides and mentors describe that belief and bemoan that measure and that belief.

The women say in their sites that they shouldn't be expected to be young forever, and the women writing those pieces believe that men actually want that perpetual youth in their women as men make their choices of women in today's world and the women who write those sites are angry about that expectation.

The truth is that most older men don't have that expectation, and it’s clear from multiple evidence points that many men prefer the bodies and the shapes of older women to those of teenage girls and extreme youth.

We know that to be true and it's verifiable because the pornography world has a rich array of magazines that show older women, and there are popular magazines that feature 50-year-old women (and even older women) for the men who find those ages most attractive and most desirable for their lives.

There’s a term called MILF that most men know and it’s a term of endearment and aspiration — and it's definitely not a sense that the women bloggers and pundits who write about men craving impossibly young girls are actually not describing something that's real and is a current challenge for women because it clearly isn’t true when we look at actual real men and what they say and do on those issues.

Older men celebrate some of the selfie photos that the women they love and who they're with today send them now because the men like what they see in their women and they're delighted to be able to see it.

Many men love the bodies of the women they're with and large numbers of men feel fortunate to be in a relationship with someone who likes and appreciates and actually respects them enough to have that kind of sexual encounter with them and who feel good as a woman to have that sharing with the men who love them in ways that create real pleasure for those men.

Women tend to seriously underestimate how much their men appreciate them and how extremely important it is to the men that their women shows in various ways that they're attracted to the man who is the man in their life and then does things of a sexual nature to help that man feel that attraction, appreciation, and support.

Even the alpha males on the internet scorecard most appreciate being appreciated by the highly attractive women who they manage to include in their lives, rather than adding up the total number of beautiful women in their lives, but actually only feel like winners if at least one beautiful woman somehow directly sees, knows, understands, and appreciates them.

The alpha guys want to be appreciated as their scorecard for rating alpha women, and the other men across the board for all men in most settings clearly want to be appreciated by their women as well, and men at all levels want to interact in loving and sexual ways with their woman and their wife as often as that can be made to happen in many settings and feel that their woman likes them and loves them and respects them for what they do in their lives and in their marriages.

Too many marriages don't have times when the people just take the time to stand back and remember how much they like their spouse, and then do win-win things with each other in very intentional ways with the context of their marriage for that process and opportunity.

We know from the internet that many women tend to look at beauty websites and aspire to be lovely. Men tend to look at beauty in their lives and aspire to be loved.

There’s huge potential for very good and positive outcomes that can spill out of linking those aspirations for both genders.

Couples should make time to have win-win interactions with one another.

Doing it with obvious friendship and with clear goodwill for each person in that marriage can creates anchor links and interactions that can make many people happy in their marriages.

About 80 million of the men who are paying for those OnlyFans links today are married. There’s a high chance that at least some of those men who are paying those dues to see the skin of those women now would be delighted with having bare skin visuals of their own spouse, rather than spending that money for that service and view from strangers.

There might be an easy solution and strategy that could be used for some of those marriages.

We could encourage many men to replace their OnlyFans dues with gift cards for wives.

When we look at that entire process and the internet gift market, we should probably figure out how to find ways for many of the married men of somehow changing direction and adding and replacing gift cards for their wives with the OnlyFans cash flow they have now and then having the married people function as friends and as allies and coconspirators in using some of that money for both people to buy sexy, exotic, and beautiful clothing for the wife in those settings.

There's a significant amount of very lovely, seductive, sexually attractive, and exciting apparel items for women available on Amazon and even on Instagram today, and men who can give gift cards to their wives and suggest that one of the good uses of that card would be extremely sexy and lovely items of clothing for the women that could be worn in the comfort of their marital home would probably be happy for a very long time with those items of clothing in their world.

Gift cards for wives are probably long overdue in many marriages, and they can be very effective as a romantic gesture for many relationships and as solid evidence of goodwill and good heartedness by the men giving the cards.

It’s hard to imagine any chain of circumstances that wouldn't be improved and enhanced by having men give gift cards to their wives.

That approach would be extremely easy to do right now if we use the same internet we use now for those other links and have it support romance and express appreciation for married couples and for targeted gifts with all of the opportunities that the web creates.

Instagram and Amazon both have a wide range of lovely apparel items today, and if the married couple is doing win-win thinking as they should be doing if they're structuring their marriages in effective ways, those gift cards to spouses from the husbands could replace some of those OnlyFans expenses in a very positive way and we could end up with a much better outcome for everyone who goes down those paths.

Gift cards could become a standard part of the marriage interaction, and that should happen when it makes sense as a way of getting the best use of family resources and making everyone aligned for those purposes.

The numbers on the current set of OnlyFans activities tell us that there are instinctive behaviors involved for both the men and the women because instincts are the only thing that steer behavior in every setting and 90 million settings are now in the link for those activities.

Carl Jung told us very insightfully, clearly, and accurately that when a human behavior is the same in every setting across the planet, that means that an instinct is involved.

We should think about making gift cards an instinctive reaction for more married people in our country, because they do fit an old hunter-gatherer process component for both men and women.

Men used to go hunting and would return to the hut, cave, or house with the results of the hunt. Giving gift cards to wives today with the new internet linkages can bring back some of those cycles of appreciation and achievement and could make everyone’s life better and support the marriage in the process, because that resource could be fun to do, extremely useful, and functionally relevant in some settings.

The gift cards don’t need to have any direct sexual link, but there are now a flood of sexually attractive clothing for sale on the web and the interests of men in seeing their sweethearts in sexually adorned and seductive ways combined with the women’s interest in actually being beautiful in the real world could be a winning combination for many marriages.

The product has an anchor of many customers, and they clearly are customers for reasons of sexual interest in the product and services.

Most women's websites on the internet and in the social media world for women don't seem to know that OnlyFans exists or that any part of that product exists and is relevant to significant numbers of men in America.

NINETY MILLION MEN PAID FOR DIRECT VIEWS OF REAL WOMEN

There are thousands of social media sites and linkage’s that are run and created by women that have many million viewers and millions of links, and those sites run by women in social media settings basically ignore the men’s interests and never mention the actual sets of instincts that are motivating those 90 million men or any mention or discussion of what men are actually creating as their own aspirations and their own approaches to the gender issues we face in our communities and settings.

We are not guessing.

We know that women very seldom mention or discuss those topics in their own web sites and social media links because the internet is overwhelmed with those sites produced by women and we know what those sites discuss and focus on. It’s a very public set of topics, and the OnlyFans topics and priorities and support levels tend to be completely and totally invisible in the sites run by women for women.

There's almost no hint on any of the social media outlets that have links to millions of women on the part of women that most women know how much those sets of instincts and aspirations affect the thinking and behavior of men.

A couple of women’s sites were recently critical of the OnlyFans product, and one of the pundits for one site was extremely critical of the process and she said it was very sad that American men had sunk so far in the sociological world that men were actually willing to buy their girlfriends now instead of going into relationships with real women.

Those critics misunderstood the point of the contacts that are embedded in that process. The women’s sites described the men as being so inept at personal relationships that they needed to rent girlfriends on the web rather that setting up girlfriend links to real women in the real world.

The point they missed in their criticism was that what triggered the money for the men in that service is the actual direct and personal interaction that happens with the women, and it's not buying and seeing a cardboard or static visual of an unclothed woman in exchange for the money.

The women in that service and business who interact with the men in ways that cause the men to want the interaction to continue are making the most money. Some of the women earn millions of dollars. Men receive live views of actual women and then interact with them in some way in the process.

That's not hard to do at home.

We know from the men’s internet sites that they often love seeing the unclothed body of their spouse or partner. Men celebrate getting those views.

Men often have very high morale and feel good about themselves when they get unclothed views from their spouse in their own lives.

That appreciation and joy from the husband or man is not a guaranteed or absolute reaction, but it’s clearly an overwhelming pattern for most men, and marriages that somehow achieve a number of those views often have men who feel good about themselves because they've been given those visual treats in their lives and really love getting them from women they like and love.

A high percentage of the men today aren't looking for the bodies of very young or even somewhat young women. Men tend to like the bodies of the women they're with.

There are printed magazines that feature MILF photos that do very well on sales, and some of those magazines specialize in women at the ages of 50 and even 60, and produce photos that clearly attract large numbers of men.

Most women don't know what MILF means and pretty much every man knows that it’s a compliment and it's aspirational for an older group of women.

The 'L' means Like. That’s extremely affirmative for older women.

"Cougar" is also a very well-known sexual category that extends beyond the teenage years for sexualizing women and identifying an aspirational group of women for men of all ages.

That's not known by all women.

Some of the women’s websites in social media say they believe that the men have very unreasonable and unrealistic expectations about age, and that men today only want very young women as their targets for lust and for their sexual interactions. That is not true. Those sites who make that statement about age are absolutely wrong in that belief for many millions of men.

Those websites that believe that men only want and are attracted only to younger women are wrong — and we need more women to understand how much their husbands and boyfriends like who they are and hope and aspire to having good sex and good interactions with the women they love.

Men are often very fond of the woman in their life — and the internet comments by women on social media settings seem to indicate that a very high percentage of women don't now know or understand the situation they're in and they don't know how fond their husbands and boyfriends are of them in their current form.

Men have a lot invested in their wives.

They want their wife to like and respect and support them as husbands and fathers and lovers — and the men who believe they have happy wives tend to be happy men.

"Happy wife. Happy life."

Many men say that and large numbers of men believe it to be true.

The social media sites tell us that many women don’t believe that their husband is on their side and wanting them to do well and wanting them to be their sexual advocate and beneficiary, and that lack of belief on those topics can make marriages difficult and less likely to succeed.

We need couples to take quiet time to appreciate each other and to figure out how to make each other win in something that's good to do.

Today, 80 million men are paying someone else to get that kind of response and we don’t have to guess at that number because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s a very real number.

Eighty million married American men this month are now paying money to OnlyFans to have those interactions with unclothed women, and the ages on those women available on the site give the customers choices that cross the age continuum that we have for our entire population.

So, if that's true, then what could we do better somehow to not have all of those married men spending money on that website that would be better spent at home on those women who are not their wives in ways that would strengthen the marriages we are trying to support today with our other advice and counsel.

Many marriages don't have that OnlyFans link.

Another 80 million marriages aren't paying money to OnlyFans.

Why is that true?

There's an extremely high likelihood that the large number of the current marriages that do not have a man today purchasing a naked view of other women today already have much better interactions and good understandings within their marriages and those marriages might have much better and much more often and even frequent visual experiences on sexual issues within the marriage that could make OnlyFans irrelevant for the majority of those people.

The internet currently tells us from multiple postings done over time by men in their web settings that many of the men who receive various kinds of sex-related selfie photos from their spouse or their marital partner today tend to be happy men who are pleased and frequently delighted with their visual affirmations that they can and do now receive in various ways within their own marriage from their own wife.

It also makes sense that many men who are buying that service would rather actually see the actual bosom in-person for their own domicile contact and from their actual cohabitant, rather than pay to see it electronically. through OnlyFans.

We have a wide variety of sexual behaviors and opportunities, and people who have figured out their own favorite sets of sexual things to do with each other and for each other don’t need to pay to see the bosom of a total stranger on the web.

Some women writing about that topic in social media settings have said they were surprised and delighted with how much their own husbands got pleasure and even joy from that simple experience and view.

They said they underestimated how much their husbands were already pleased and sometimes even proud to have been chosen by them for those interactions.

We actually might be making it more complicated than it needs to be for many settings.

Men are clearly often very simple creatures.

MEN ARE WIRED TO BE VISUAL

Male turkeys can be tricked by hunters into courting a female turkey that only exists as a silhouette if the decoy artist sets up the outline to have a clearly female set of tail feathers for the male turkey to see, recognize, and aspire to. The boy turkeys are clearly visual for that outline at an instinctive level for that part of the courting process — and it’s not hard to imagine what silhouette alternatives might trigger somewhat similar responses for more than a few men of our own species.

Women are usually a bit less visual and many women with social media linkages say they don’t understand what the men aspire to or why they aspire to that vision and to that direct and explicit view of an actual undressed person in that process. The likelihood of a woman paying money to see the bare chest of a man is extremely low in any setting, and so it isn’t part of the context thinking for many women.

But women do post a ton of sexual and completely beautiful highly made-up female fashion model photos, and that's a clear indication that the gender and sexuality topic is clearly included in the priorities of the overall process that's simultaneously highly sexual and non-sexual a high percentage of the time.

The businesses that sell the makeup and cosmetics to women from those sites also have extensive sets of clothing choices that can be extremely sexual in beautiful and seductive ways, and the very best use of that total resource might probably be to keep both streams running and to have the husbands both funding and influencing some of the sales.

It’s hard to imagine that 90 million married women would pay to see any visual thing about each other or about their partners and about their couple key components, because that’s clearly not how most women are wired visually.

You can tell from the women’s websites that many women also don't have a sense that having their own body seen and having their own body appreciated in an direct and appropriate way by their husband or by their partner in their own home might actually have that visual appreciation by the relevant men in their lives be a positive and affirming thing for at least some of those women.

It’s even possible that having that explicit and direct visual information sharing happen could be a positive encounter within the marriage that could be relatively easy to accomplish if it felt like the right thing to do in the context of the relationship between the people involved in each setting agreed to it, and if the parties had an honest and non-judgmental conversation about what was happening and why they were doing what they were doing to create that outcome and visual reality for their marriage.

Women seem to tend to hugely and significantly underestimate in many purely heterosexual relationships how much their own husbands now actually love enjoy, and often actually appreciate visually perceiving and seeing the body of the woman who is their partner for connubial bliss — as the theologian wisely suggests us to think about our marriages — and that many of the wives might feel good about that outcome and that process.

Many men logically love and appreciate their own spouses and it seems only logical that at least some men would rather get some direct visual stimulation from their partner as an enjoyable experience in-person in the marriage, rather than pay someone to give them that basic visual impact and then receive that information and visual impact over the internet from a total stranger.

We should do a much better job in the context of our marriages telling and teaching each other what those visual request and sexual interests are in some respectful and loving way at home and by pointing out to all parties that it's clearly sub-optimal functionally and financially to actually have that external commercial process collecting money for the visual looks at those connubial bosoms that 90 million men are clearly willing to pay for now.

We should agree with Reverend Swedenborg that we should function effectively in the context created by our marriages for many millions of people and we should try to achieve, support, and enjoy connubial bliss in as many settings as possible now.

Marriage can create wonderful, beneficial, and mutually supportive experiences for people and we will be stronger and more economically successful as a community and a nation if our marriages are successful in ways that we know are possible because they happen for some couples and some settings now and it obviously can be done.

That includes every kind of marriage between consenting adults, and we should aspire to have them all succeed in as many settings as possible and we should celebrate and support all versions of marriages that people care to create.

We have some risks ahead of us relative to the instincts that tie us to sexual behavior, and we should aspire to have those instincts be an asset for us as a community and a people.

We humans have very strong sexual instincts, and we should learn to deal with them in the most effective ways given the availability of the internet as a key component of that entire process today.

There are some alarming warning signs happening on sexual issues here at several levels that we should understand and address.

A very high percentage of our youngest men aren’t dating, and a growing number of younger men now say they don’t intend to marry and many now suffer from at least light depression.

The young men have a high level of contact with pornography as part of their sexual interest and involvement level and basically, some seem to have their own kinds of addiction to pornography as part of that entire visual process for their world today.

Some of the pornography is focused on violent and abusive interactions of various kinds that we need to wean out of the information flow for too many men.

We need people to be married and not abused.

We could be much better off as a country if we decided to make loving and mutually supportive marriage a top priority as a society and if we learned to do a better job with those marital interactions for marriages failing by recognizing the instincts we have for families and sex, and then learned to get better at both.

We should be creating pornography visual flows for men that enjoy the beauty of women’s bodies and share that information and do it without having abusive behavior as part of the package. We should coach marital couples into visual processes that create arousal and then channel it into good marital varieties of sex.

We all have instincts for various kinds of sexual behavior, and we should figure out how to accept those interests as being legitimate, because they're real, and then figure out in a cooperative and coherent way how to enjoy each other in the consensual context of our marriage.

Connubial bliss should be our goal.

We might want to set up a new set of expectations about connubial bliss and we should steer both young men and young women down that pathway, because it can be so much better for people’s lives when it happens — and it’s entirely possible to steer in that direction if we know what we're doing and show how good it can be for both parties when it happens with loving commitments from both parties in each setting.

We should steer away from the worst components of that sexual behavior and we absolutely should grow in wisdom and understanding, and then steer away from the worst Us-Them instincts that get triggered all too often by our tribal behavior.

We need to understand what those agendas and problems actually are and how much momentum they create.

FASHION EXCEEDS PORNOGRAPHY AS A FOCUS FOR MANY PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TODAY

We have an extensive and energized web fabric of beauty options that fill the internet.

It’s clear that those options and those sites are not set up by men who want to micromanage the cosmetics and the appearances of the women in their lives, but by women and vendors who believe in a culture of physical beauty and who steer their customers down those paths with the goal of achieving the best skin, best eye décor, and best appearances in whatever settings women find themselves in with a rich array of products to make that happen.

The likelihood of American women in our culture today going from their home into the outside world makeup-free with bare skin is very low, because that’s not what our cultures and what most of our community and our lead women seem to tell other women to do with their faces and skin.

We need to expand our social media commercial interactions to also have clothing choices for women that are seductive and sexual and reinforce the sexual interactions that take place in marriages in a beautiful and effective and affirming way.

We also should have the provider in each setting and relationship that has providers now replace killing deer and antelope with gift cards and their equivalent on the internet, and we need to have providers for each relationship using the internet marketplace to bring the product of the hunt for their partner in the most effective and useful way to improve the levels of financial disparities that still exist in too many settings and relationships.

Multiple instinctive behavior issues about cultural acceptance get triggered by our current intercultural realities and we know from basic observation what issues exist for many marital partners in our country with those issues today.

We haven't linked the social agenda with the coupling agenda with the marital alignment and success agenda with the array of products and priorities that exist on the internet today and now.

It would be a good thing if we somehow found the alignment between fashion perfection and marital happiness and spouse acquisition success and achievement in a process that supported women going forward in every setting and for every kind of relationship and created real success in both our presentations of ourselves and our aspirations for optimal appearance and marital bliss with beauty as workable component of that priority and process.

On the bigger scale, we do need to help get sex aligned with our social and our societal behaviors going forward.

As a minimum goal, we need to make sure that we do the right things to end the sexual damages and problems that still exist in too many settings, and that can be exacerbated when we have tribes fighting each other and doing damage to each other in those key areas.

WE NEED TO GET PAST TRIBALISM FOR AMERICA

We definitely need to slow down the rate of tribalization in this country, because we face the risk of being badly damaged as people and a nation by that package of instinctive behaviors in the wrong hands in our country.

We do terrible things to people when we assign the instincts that we apply to tribes and damage people who we see as a Them because they're from the other tribe.

We're seeing those behaviors in far too many settings today — and we generally do damage and don’t even understand what those behaviors are about.

The book Primal Pathways explains those behaviors and can be read on this website today for context.

There are more than 100 of those settings in the world today.

Gaza is one of them.

Gaza has chosen tribal instincts as its primary set of priorities and activities and they're permanently trapped in that belief and place, and they'll be trapped there is Gaza forever until some of those people aren't there anymore.

We’ve easily gone past 50,000 dead people there and we're going past a million living people there who hate each other and who will damage each other indefinitely with those instincts in gear, because having those instincts making evil behavior there that feels legitimate and feels right for everyone living in that setting now.

That permanent hatred is where we are now in Gaza and that’s not changing while those sets of people and those tribal conflicts are still there.

They're not alone.

Nigeria has very similar and even larger levels of anti-tribal killings that are also happening right now today.

The Christian tribes in Nigeria have had 2.2 million people who were abducted this year and have bad lives because that happened.

They've also now had 335,000 people who've been killed to date this year in the tribal areas of that country.

Tribes are killing tribes there as well and the total death rate in Nigeria could be double that number by year end.

We've seen that pattern many times before in a number of other tribal instinct settings.

Those countries didn't invent those behaviors.

Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia and Sudan also killed very large numbers of people and they didn’t stop hating and killing each other until many of the people in those settings were no longer there within reach of the other tribe — and that will probably need to happen for Gaza because both sets of people who are there now hate each other to the core, and that will be true and will causes damage as long as they somehow don’t draw lines to actually keep them apart and to make the deaths end in those settings simply because those people aren’t there to be killed.

Ethiopia has terrible levels of inter group conflict — and we could have a million people killed there with tribes at the end of the guns doing that terrible damage in that space. Evil happening in Ethiopia today is mind boggling in its scope and intact.

Paris has its own inter tribal conflicts that are so angry and violent that there are now some areas of that city where the police don’t even pretend to get involved with the population there when issues happen.

France allowed tribal groups with different languages, different cultures, and different values to take over major areas of their capital city — and those tribes have all of the inter group anger and division that we see in almost every inter group setting where tribal groups feel that they own the turf and have control over the areas.

What does that tell us?

We need to avoid similar thinking in our own country.

We need everyone in our own country to understand how dangerous our own tribal instincts sometimes are and how damaging our own Us-Them behaviors can be, and why we need to avoid them in the future to have a peaceful and safe future for our own communities and for our own country today.

Some people say that the most militant members of our population today could be triggered and anchored by anger against the people who run various settings now. That belief understands the point that the people who are most militant in each setting are tribal, and we need to understand and believe that the long-range future for their tribe should be Peace — not conflict and damage  — and we should set up wins for every tribe in America if we make that our goal and then we should do the right things to make that happen.

We need to rise above tribe. We should get our tribes to win together.

We have a chance to succeed at this point in our history if we do this right.

We need to believe in America.

This chapter in the third edition of The Art of InterGroup Peace explains what we should commit to as a country to steer us in the right direction and give us an anchor for our interactions.

Check out Chapter 17 of the Art of InterGroup Peace book.

That chapter looks at our entire set of core and basic beliefs and asks us to become an American Us based on what we believe to be true and based on what we believe we should build as a country.

Pease read that chapter and then share your thoughts to the Institute website about which of those enlightened commitments should evolve and be developed as we go forward as a country to create the future we should be achieving now in this country.

We also need to decide that telling the truth should return as an expectation for Americans, and that we should go down that path now.

We need to absolutely understand how powerful our instincts are, and we need to understand how much they influence our lives every day of our lives.

We need to be well everyone.

It’s the right time for us to do exactly that and to actually be well as a people and a country and a set of believers who think enlightened behaviors should be our goal and our strategy going forward from here.

We can choose a path to Peace, but we need to make it what we do and who we are going forward from here.

This chapter started with Instincts and gender, and meandered through OnlyFans as a primary way that our gender and sexual instincts are being channeled today — and ended up with a call for us to not go to war with ourselves in the next couple of months because we're back into our most damaging sets of instincts.

And we need to channel our Alpha instincts in the right direction now to give us the best trajectory of where we should go now as a country.